Wednesday. 8.29.07 10:37 pm
The following is a step-by-step showering procedure meant for those that swim 5 times a week. And/or have the quirks described.
1. Enter the bathroom. You're due for a shower, plus you really have to take a dump.
2. Lock the door, then strip off the swim suit you've been wearing for far too long. Be gentle with the worn spots, then rub your legs to resume normal circulation.
3. Make sure your comb and suit are in their places on the shower floor, that there's enough toiletries, and that the window blinds are pulled.
4. Sit on the toilet and do your business. Don't bother with wiping; you're about to get in the shower, wipe in there.
5. Step into the shower, then acknowledge your mom calling.
6. Grab a robe and head downstairs for dinner. You need your energy, and pasta is really yummy. Make sure your too-small robe always covers your privates; your mom has a friend over.
7. Eat fast and head upstairs. Put the robe back on the floor behind the toilet, lock the door, and start the water.
8. Take the soap and rub it in all your nooks and crannies. All of them. You smell like chlorine.
9. Turn off the shower head to preserve the soap suds, and let them have fun while you rinse out your suit.
10. Hang up the suit to drip dry, soap up the more normal parts of your body, and turn the shower back on. Rinse.
11. Take the time to comb water into your matted hair and then repeat with shampoo. There's no pool tomorrow and possible the day after, so you might as well have nice hair in between. Let the shampoo sit.
12. Ponder a new photographic idea involving water droplets, Vick's Vapor Rub, and your hand. Comb hair, then scrub out shampoo. Be sure to get out as much of your loose hair as possible.
13. Apply and vigorously lather conditioner, using the same logic as the shampoo. Let sit as before.
14. Exclaim audibly at the amount of hair stuck to your hand. Comb your head and exclaim again. Wash hand and comb.
15. Dance and sing Bohemian Rhapsody. This song is great for running a mile, showering, changing with a bunch of naked guys, but not for actually swimming. Do not attempt to sing Bohemian Rhapsody while swimming.
16. Switch to the faucet and scrub your head with your knuckles. Wash out all the conditioner. Then continue to knuckle your skull for 5 minutes or until your scalp bleeds. Admire the wad of hair collecting in the drain. Comb your head and wash the comb again.
17. Switch to shower one more time to wash all the stray hair off your body. Admire the drain wad again.
18. Turn off water and give your suit a nice squeeze. Decide that you're going to type up your experience.
19. Dry body first, then hair, again to avoid hair all over your body. Shake out towel and wonder why you shed so much. Forget underwear and grab some pajama pants.
20. Promptly forget all about your photographic idea, and spend the next 30 minutes typing about some lame shower episode.
Obviously, I added some stuff to make it more fun. Or, I think it's obvious. If you somehow feel compelled to spread this around, don't bother copying this part. Just the steps. Then again, I'd be pretty surprised if someone felt so compelled.
Better than bitter
Wednesday. 8.29.07 6:45 pm
So, now I feel a lot better. And I got a full night's sleep. And swim practice was for wimps, so I'm not as tired.
I don't usually say stuff like in the last post. I usually don't think about it. But I kind of like being grim. It's kind of satisfying. Not unique, but different.
School was great. The bi-polar teacher left me alone for the most part, and I'm keeping a notebook for school just for whatever comes to mind. This would have been great last year. Creative writing, and stuff.
And I can't draw for a bean. :D
Geometry is a breeze, so far. She wants us to have vocabulary on note cards, which pisses me off, but the actual lessons are...well, I've always thought it was obvious. People make such a big deal out of simple addition. YES, a 60 degree angle adjacent to a 40 degree angle makes one big 100 degree angle. Simple addition.
Physical Science quite literally puts me to sleep. The guy is fun, but he...drones. Just spit it out, man. Plus, I really do know that stuff, too. Maybe I'll learn something later.
English is stressful just because of the teacher, but I'm finally learning grammar in an understandable way. Which is good, seeing as how creative writing doesn't make up for sentence form. Not that I can't form complex sentences, I just can't tell them apart from compound. :P
Intro to Engineering is kind of boring, but I hear it picks up once we cover the basics. Can't wait. At least I don't fall asleep, but I'm stuck in a class full of 9th graders. And half of them, it seems, either know each other, play baseball together, or know each other from baseball. They won't shut up.
Lunch is simply amazing. I hope it isn't wrecked too badly next semester.
That turned out well
Monday. 8.27.07 10:36 pm
Remember the teachers who I said hadn't shown any jerk-tendencies? [no]
Well. Not only did I get bawled out in class for talking, [he deserved that] but I was quickly bawled out for rubbing my legs. That's right, she keeps that room at a temperature that bothers ME, [try 60 degrees] and she gets mad at me for rubbing my legs to keep warm.
Told me, quite word-for-word, to get over it.
It's like Spanish all over again. [but i'm taking spanish with the same other teacher, so it'll be like three times]. This time, I'm writing down everything I don't say in that class. Every little comment that I think of. I respect her as a person simply because I don't know her. I respect her as a teacher because I've heard she's a good teacher. However, my respect for her as an authority figure is quickly dwindling.
The only thing keeping me from bringing the hurt right back to her is the fact that she'll refer me to the office, and then I'll have to deal with people that I actually respect. And maybe don't respect me back.
I hate the school system. I'll find a way around it, don't worry. I'll take my hits. I'll bide my time.
And then I will strike. Maybe publicly. If nothing else, I'll find it funny.
In other news, I'm feeling really bitter. And tired beyond all reason. When I was born I "almost" had a glandular problem, which only called for a tiny bit of medication. Which I stopped taking in '03, simply because the dosage was so small.
Well, as it turns out, my thyroid might still be a bit whacked. The hormones involved are within tolerances, but barely. Basically, the symptoms are lethargy. And arrested growth, but being 6'1", that doesn't bother me. I'm sure there are more serious outcomes, and I don't care. But I'm crap tired.
And I'd heartily like to wretch my figurative heart out.
And my dad's been dead and gone for years.
And I offend people without trying, just by communicating in a normal fashion.
And I'm lonely.
And I'm addicted to Placebo, of all things.
And my family is being stretched to the breaking point.
And I'd like to take a cry, but haven't in years. (HELLO, personal!)
And I'm starting to hate people who act dumb. Hate them.
Yeah. Way too bitter.
EDIT: Tuesday, the 28th.
I managed to swallow/inhale a great amount of water doing butterfly, today. So now there's the possibility that I have water sitting in my lungs. Which might be...unpleasant later. Whatever DID happen, (I'm paranoid about my insides,) I've definitely noticed a change in the sensation of breathing. And it's annoying/freaking me out.
It was almost scary, though. I think I had a kind of asthma attack...
I was doing butterfly, a horribly tiring and awkward stroke, and I came up for air and got water in my mouth. Not a big deal, just swallow the extra, spit out the rest, and come up for air again early. When I did the last step, I gasped for air to make up for time and energy. The water not only went in the wrong pipe, it ONLY went in the wrong pipe.
I could feel my lungs expanding and trying to draw air in, but nothing was happening. My throat closed up, and everything. I grabbed the lane line, hacking and coughing, worming my way over to the wall. Eventually I stopped bothering with the coughing, (it's gotten to be more of an intentional action, because I'm cool like that) but the feeling...is still there. It's weird.
You know what? I think I AM a masochist. In certain aspects. Not...like that.
Feeling pretty high strung.
Friday. 8.24.07 11:17 pm
Katie was making lemon bars when I called her. In fact, they were just coming out of the oven.
I wanted one.
She taunted me with their sweet gooey-ness. She insisted that I couldn't have one.
I wanted a lemon bar. So, to make her pay for her insolence, I pulled a small and very satisfying prank.
Mom was talking to me from downstairs, (aka yelling through the door) so I was talking to her, too.
"Stevie, I'm going to be in my room to watch TV."
Katie can only hear my side of this conversation. "OK mom. Enjoy yourself. Oh, by the way..." Mom's already gone inside the room and can not hear my shouting, "...can I go to Katie's and grab a lemon bar?"
Poor girl, she really thought I was serious. "Stevie! NO!"
"Yeah, Mom. She just made them."
"YES, she invited me. NO, MOM, I didn't invite myself! Gosh."
"I am going to KILL you!"
"She just pulled them out of the oven. She says they're all gooey."
*Various sounds of disagreement*
"No, you don't have to- Wait, what time is it...it's only 9:40, Mark can drive with me. I know-"
"You aren't talking to your mom, are you?!"
"Not at all. But, MAN, I really had you goin' the-"
She called back. :P
EDIT: Today I went to her house at 10, banged on her door until she woke up and come out, and ate some lemon bars. They were more like lemon smears, but oh-so lemon-y.
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