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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Thursday, May 16, 2013
I guess one thing depersonalization/derealization (or maybe depression?) has done to me that I think about a lot is it's taken away most, if not all, of my sense of familiarity.

Sometimes I lie in bed at night and think about my friends and family. I can't always remember their faces clearly. Oftentimes they feel like strangers, or like dreams I once had, a long time ago.

I think I can remember female faces better than male ones.

So often it's like I'm seeing things for the first time. It's like... if you're visiting a city for the first time but you've read a brochure about it and know a lot of facts about it. I feel that way about people I've known for years. And my boyfriend. And even my birds sometimes...

On the other hand, I experience immense feelings of familiarity in my dreams, to the point of frequent d�j� vu. Maybe that's why I tend to cling to them.

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I hope I'm remembering this right
Tuesday, May 14, 2013
Boyfriend: You know what they say, once you go black you become hard of hearing.
Me: Huh???
Boyfriend: Exactly.

Although it was funny I think it would have worked about 200x better if he was actually black instead of being close to the epitome of white.

Also, I saw this in the blog of Out There and thought it was amusing.

"Speaking of cosplayers, why do geeks always have to invent new terminology for everything? Why can�t we just call them 'people in costumes' or 'degenerates'?"

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Food and a couple animals
Sunday, May 12, 2013
Hey, it's my budgie.

Cage squirrel.

I tried making strawberry monkey bread for Mother's Day breakfast.

I went the easy route and just used canned biscuits...

I messed up and put too much into the loaf pan, so it spilled over when I baked it and didn't cook evenly.

I forgot to take pictures of the finished loaf.

I made french toast out of the slices though, which made it okay that the top was cooked too much.

I went back to sleep instead of eating any of it. Oddly enough I haven't seen anybody else making french toast from monkey bread on the internet. I'm sure someone has done it, but it didn't show up in my casual Google search.

I made a weird card for my mom at 5 AM because I forgot until then.

She suggested that I draw ducks, so I did, but I couldn't think of any jokes.

I am trying to think of things to submit to the school literary magazine, since the deadline is next week, but I am not sure what to submit. I don't like the thing I submitted last time and I feel kind of embarrassed that anybody saw it. At least I had the foresight to not use my real name to submit it.

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Tacos and a dead baby bird
Tuesday, May 7, 2013
I don't feel like talking much but I wanted to post.

Here is a picture from when I was on cam in a chatroom. Sort of.

You can see the bear's face in the upper left corner of the cam frames.

I made tacos awhile ago and documented the process.

Usually I only use half a package of soy chorizo, but I made a double portion of filling this time so I used the whole package.

I usually brown it in a frying pan so that it's a little drier and add a little extra spice.

A sprinkling of cumin and chili powder to taste. The chorizo is already seasoned but I prefer more seasoning.

The browned soy chorizo gets added to refried black beans... One can per half package generally.

I used two here. I don't think it's possible to make refried beans look appetizing in a picture. You could also mix a whole package of the soy chorizo with one can of refried beans, it just ends up more crumbly. The beans just act as a glue to hold the soy chorizo together.

Here is the finished filling, which, while tasty, does not look very good in pictures.

While the beans are heating up and the soy chorizo is browning it's usually a good idea to heat the taco shells so that they're crispy.

It's also good to chop up the lettuce.

I prefer hearts of romaine because they're crisper, but the greens could really be anything depending on your taste.

And also grate your cheese. My favorite is Tillamook medium cheddar.

How fine you grate it depends on your personal preferences. Personally I think that the medium grate like this make the cheese fall off the taco more easily, so I prefer grating it finer, but my mom likes the medium more.

Assembled product. Sorry it's a bit dark.

My parents prefer to put the cheese on top of the filling, under the lettuce, so that it melts, but I like doing it this way because I like the lettuce/cheese taste more than the melted cheese/filling taste.

It's really really easy to make these tacos. I don't think it ever takes more than 20 minutes if you're doing it alone. Usually I ask my mom to help cut the lettuce or grate the cheese so it gets done much faster. I don't know the exact nutritional facts but all things considered, it's not too unhealthy. There's probably a lot of sodium from the soy chorizo and cheese, but it really just depends on how you fill your taco.


I went precinct walking on Saturday with my boyfriend and there was a dead baby bird on one of the doormats.

Later that day we went to the cafe we visited with Lucy before and got some dessert. I got a chocolate pot de cr�me.

He got a cappuccino and an affogato.

Here is the inside of my pot de cr�me.

It was very, very good.

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New camera = pictures
Monday, April 29, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Not cute
Friday, April 26, 2013
I saw this on Tumblr. One of the comments on it was "I feel fuzzy inside just looking at this."


This is by far the rapiest sloth I have ever seen.

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Am not in danger [DP]
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Situational secrecy
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
I've opened up my story again, the science fiction one I started months ago.

The background info and notes are nearly as long as the story itself, haha.

Alice saw that I was working on it while I sat in her poetry class Monday. She asked if she could read it once it's done.

You know, even though I have no qualms about sharing it with my writing group or even people on Nutang, I feel weird about letting her read it.

Even though I haven't written that much of it, it feels like this oddly personal thing that I want to hide from her. Maybe it's just because I'm afraid she would question what the story says about me personally? Obviously some of my viewpoints are manifested through it, but I'm not writing the main character as some sort of stand-in for myself.

I have similar feelings about my poetry. I don't tend to share it with people I know "in real life"-- it just seems like it would... compromise my persona?

Lots of ideas floating around right now for the story. It is 2:12 AM though and I think this is not the best time to work on it too much.

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