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Memores acti prudentes futuri

Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Chugging along
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I'm surprised by how little trouble I've been having coming up with things to say in the daily entry for the challenge. I'm also enjoying reading everyone else's entries this month. It's fun to see what you all post when you're going for a post a day! I know some people only post every once in awhile to highlight something significant, so it's cool to see the more daily aspect of people's lives.

My writing group meeting was fun! Unfortunately the woman who is usually our organizer/coordinator didn't feel well and couldn't come, so we ended up not talking about writing the entire time, but it was enjoyable. It turned out that none of us had eaten dinner (the meeting was at 7 PM), so we walked over to a restaurant and had half of our meeting while eating. My boyfriend surprised us by picking up the tab. :) There were only four of us total, so it wasn't a huge amount of money, but it was still very generous of him.

Last night I expressed doubts to my boyfriend that he really ever would take me to New York, like he promised he would. He told me that if his work wouldn't let him take a week off to take me there, he would just find a new job, and that he was just waiting to save up enough money to go and it wasn't an issue of time.

I know I talk about him a lot (too much?) on here, but he's so amazing sometimes I feel like I can't help myself. Also he's the only person I hang out with outside of my family 90% of the time, so that probably factors in. :P

Lucy should be coming here soon to meet up with me and my boyfriend for lunch, so I should probably end this entry. We're going to the baylands! Fun times.


Welp, Lucy canceled, or I should say told me she couldn't come after I texted her asking if she was coming over. >_>

And after reading Nuttz's post I remembered that at the restaurant last night this old asian lady who looked like she might be blind in one eye came over to our table to wish us a happy Chinese New Year. Somehow she ended up talking about different foods they eat during it and things her family did/does. It kind of made me wonder. I got the impression that she might be lonely and wanted to talk to people, but it's possible she just wanted to chat. She seemed kind of old to be working there during the closing shift... I'm not sure what she was, either. Not a server, I think, but maybe she was busing tables/cleaning? I hope she's not one of those elderly people who have no one to support them and have to work low skill jobs just to keep afloat. :\

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Not sure if I am clumsy and forgot or
Friday, February 8, 2013
...if a tiny dwarf is crawling up onto my bed at night and whacking my ankles with something hard.

Frickin' hurts. There aren't even any bruises, they just hurt. I'm not sure what's going on.

I stayed up past 2 AM last night... er... this morning... videochatting with a friend on Skype. He showed me this story that an acquaintance of his wrote in eighth grade. It is basically the most psychopathic piece of fiction I've ever read. From the looks of it, this dude learned about Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini and thought "Those are some cool guys! I wanna be like them!" It was a VERY disturbing story...

Nowadays he's, amazingly, probably not a serial killer. He is supposedly a born-again Christian, but beyond that I don't know much about him.


In other news, I went to Mimi's Cafe for lunch with my parents today, and all their forks had only three tines. >:(

Three tined forks are gross. They look like alien hands and basically I hate them. It's like when cartoon characters only have four fingers, except in real life. The spaces between the tines are just too big and they're not good and just AJFLKFHASKFSFJALSFJGHLJGHFA.

I have a writing group meeting today.

Also, I reread my old random stories last night when I was talking to my friend. I don't remember thinking they were that funny when I wrote them, but in hindsight... they're pretty amusing. It was kind of a pain to find them though, since I deleted the module that used to list my writings awhile ago.

I've been eating toast with goat cheese on it the past couple days. Mmmm. It leaves a goaty flavor in my mouth though, which is less enjoyable.

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Math >:( and also some pictures
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Math is stupid.

I think I would prefer it if we didn't have to use graphing calculators. Honestly, out of everything that's happened in the class, that's the part I actually have problems with, since I have a TI-86 and the class uses a TI-84. Urghhh.

Some pictures...

The magical drink making machine at my boyfriend's workplace:


It has list spots for "HER NAME" and "HER ADDRESS"



I bought a hot apple cider and for some reason they put cinnamon sticks in it.

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Singing, vibes [Edited to link piece]
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I'm listening to The Mentalist by Splitsville. It doesn't have much to do with the rest of the entry.

Returning again to that old idea about singing along together...

My boyfriend is, I'm pretty sure, the worst singer I've ever heard. It's not so much that his voice is horrible, it's more like... if he had to sing a song in tune or die, he would definitely die. Definitely.

Last night in the car as we drove around trying to find SOMETHING in this city that's open past 9 PM, I was playing my iPod through the car's speakers and singing along to "Very Busy People" by The Limousines softly. Still had the remnants of bronchitis clogging up my throat. He turned to me and said I was a "surprisingly good singer" and that he likes it when I sing. We've talked about this before... I can't remember if I've posted about it though. There are a couple of songs I've sung along to in full around him before, one of them being "If I Had a Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies.

I think he's the only person I really feel comfortable singing around.


This is probably just me, but I can't really listen to Queen's "We Are the Champions" without getting very specific sad vibes from it. As if it's being sung by someone who is struggling but has been surviving and is just trying to reassure themselves that they can keep hanging on. A lie told to keep life going.

Especially the "No time for losers" line... It always comes off as "No time for losers, you have to keep forcing yourself to continue or you'll be left behind by the world." A pep talk that someone is giving to themselves, but despite the attempts to mask the doubt, the desperation, it's seeping through.

I'm 99.9% sure this vibe I get is just me projecting onto the song, but you'd think it would go away at some point. And strangely enough, I don't get the same vibe from Jonathan Coulton's cover of the song, even though his music often intentionally has a sad slant. o_O


Here's my piece: Loveless

The title is fitting, but it's also just the name of the prompt because I didn't feel like giving it a unique title.

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A sense of humor
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
You know how, when you ask a lot of people what they look for in a mate, they list a sense of humor as being an important quality?

I haven't really had a conscious list of things I look for in mates for a long time, but I can't remember a sense of humor ever being one of my top priorities. Maybe it just falls under "not boring"?

My boyfriend's sense of humor is... eh. He likes mine, though. He considers me very witty. And while I love him bunches, I don't think he's funny.

Although I do think the fact that he thinks he's hilarious is funny. So he rarely cracks jokes that make me laugh, but I'll laugh at his reaction to things.

He really likes puns, unfortunately, and I can tell that he really wants me to like his puns too, because every time he makes one (which is very often), he pauses and looks at me with this expression of utter glee and anticipation, like he expects me to laugh until I cry. I don't hate puns, but I very rarely find them that enjoyable.

Okay maybe I hate puns a little, now. I just felt neutral about them before I started dating him.

But usually it'll go something like this:

Me: You eat a lot of yogurt.
Him: Maybe it's because I'm so... CULTURED. -Huge gleeful grin as he waits for me to laugh at what he obviously considers a masterpiece of punnery-
Me: >:(
Him: :D :) :| :\ :C Well I thought it was funny.
Me: No.

He makes me laugh sometimes, but his favorite form of humor doesn't make the cut for me.

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Monday, February 4, 2013
Thinking about Dr. Rockzo, the Rock 'n Roll Clown. K-K-K-K YEAHHH.

I miss watching Metalocalypse.

My history class this morning was canceled, which means I don't have class until 3:30. Yay! I have a test though, so I should probably study.

I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis, just like last year. I don't know if it was pure chance I got it again or what, but it's annoying. I hope I don't start getting yearly bouts of it. This year wasn't as bad as last year, at least. Last year I had to miss a day of school because I just felt so awful. I think it lasted longer as well, maybe two weeks or more? Doctor was wondering if I had mono...


I keep reflecting on the ways my boyfriend treats me... I have this one finger that always (I think) looks kinda messed up because my skin is sensitive to soap/water and it dries out and can sometimes crack or itch a lot, and I usually hide it or have a bandaid on it, but if he sees me hiding it he'll hold my hand and tell me it looks fine and I shouldn't be so worried about it. He also just gives me a lot of compliments in general. I still don't have top notch self esteem, but he's helping it a lot.


Snorgtees advertisements really annoy me. If you haven't seen them, they take a sort-of-attractive-in-a-realistic-way girl and put a shirt on her, then have her pose in... I don't know, maybe what's supposed to be a sexy position? The shirts are always, always, really lame and not clever in the slightest. They're just reworkings of overused memes (zombies, for instance, or bacon) or "snarky attitude" sayings.

There are some memes I hate because they become so mainstream and overdone that it starts to feel like an inside joke that a million people tried to get in on without understanding the context. I'm not saying I have any special right to keep memes small or anything, but I feel like there's a point where it just gets to be too much. I get that people enjoy bacon, and that's fine for them, but it's going a bit overboard to make a whole subculture out of it.

I dunno. To me it feels like there was a small group of probably more-on-the-interesting-side people who were like "yeah, bacon tastes good!" and started the whole "bacon is awesome movement," then as it got bigger, less interesting and outright boring people who just wanted to be in on something came along and started pushing out stuff like "Either you like bacon or YOU'RE WRONG."

This probably makes me sound like a bad person in some way or another. I wish people would just create their own content instead of constantly recycling stuff. It's rare to see a meme done very well, although there are a fair number of okay ones.

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Hansel and Gretel
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Friday night I ended up falling asleep on my boyfriend's couch because I had taken my prescription codeine cough syrup before going to his apartment and it made me drowsy. (I think I have maybe mentioned before that I'm apparently allergic to dextromethorphan, which is in like every over the counter cough syrup?)

I think I was asleep (I just typed 'alseep' by accident and for some reason I find it funny), but I was thinking about how I should tell my mom if I was going to stay there and wondering if he would think to text her for me.

When I woke up, he told me he had texted her. Magic!

Last night we saw Hansel and Gretel at a nearby AMC Theatre. I had silver passes, but we still ended up having to pay $3 for our tickets. I mean, not that I'm complaining, since that's quite a bargain, but you'd think what with the passes and all that it'd be free. Anyway, after the movie ended, he remarked, "I'm glad this was only $3."

I didn't think it was that bad. :P Campy, yes, definitely, but I didn't expect much from it. I think that getting better from depression/depersonalization has immensely improved my ability to like movies. There was a period of maybe five to seven years where I really couldn't say I liked any movies I saw in theatres. I don't know if that's because the movies all sucked or I just couldn't enjoy them. The best I could say about a movie was that it was "solid and didn't have too many plotholes."

The music from Hansel and Gretel sounded like the music from the Sherlock Holmes movies with Robert Downey Jr. in them. It had that same plucky sound, not sure what instrument it comes from.


I had a dream last night... I was wandering around this dimly lit grocery store, browsing while I waited for someone to finish shopping... I was in an aisle that had the kind of freezers that are open, the ones you reach down into to get what you want. There were shelves above the freezers so that you couldn't see into the next aisle. I looked down into one of the freezers and saw a brown shipping box that had no pictures or descriptions of the product inside, and was curious to see what was in it. It was about the size of a shoebox, the sort that has a flap which opens from one side. I opened the box and pulled out a huge set of teeth and gums, frozen solid. They were laid flat though, not in the normal configuration of the human mouth. It occurred to me that their frozen state was keeping them from flying around and attacking people, so I put them back in the box, closed it, and replaced it in the freezer.

Later on I was walking around on a playground structure that was on stilts above water. There were a lot of other people there, but they weren't really people... They were monsters pretending to be people I knew, or had known. I think the disembodied teeth had something to do with it. They were trying to get me to become one of them, use my body perhaps, but I was evading them for the time being. I had a squirtgun and I was using it to spray them, which was working somewhat. They were stable when dry, but when they came into contact with water they were overwhelmed with an unbearable sadness and regret and you could just push them over the structure and into the water to drown them. My squirtgun only had a limited water supply, so I couldn't get all of them, but then another human came with a firehose and he managed to spray a lot of them into the water...

I remember spraying one of the ones that was coming towards me, and he just stopped where he was and became kind of slumped over and sighed "what's the point?" before I kicked him off the edge.

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Free snacks
Saturday, February 2, 2013
I went to my boyfriend's workplace today because he was picking up a table and some chairs. They're clearing out a part of the office I guess so he got them for free. Unfortunately, since it's office furniture, it's not exactly nice.

Anyway, I didn't really have anything to do there while they dismantled the tables (his coworkers were taking some tables/chairs too and were dismantling them in the interests of portability) so my boyfriend showed me to the break room and I got free snacks. They had baked sour cream and onion chips and some cereals (loose, in big containers that you just scoop out of) and juices. Also some candy and granola bars.

We hadn't eaten breakfast, but there was also nothing there I really wanted, so I just grabbed one of the granola bars for later and took a Tropicana grapefruit juice. The thing has 33g of sugar in it, and it's tiny. That's more sugar than a fair number of sodas. >_> It's grapefruit juice though, and generally concentrated juice is just... sugar water with flavor. I don't even like grapefruit juice. I was just drinking it for the vitamin C since I'm sick. Surprisingly, the apple juice had no vitamin C whatsoever, even though apples usually have it in their whole form. -Shrug-

I took a picture of the drink-making machine in the break room with my phone, but I'm at my boyfriend's apartment right now so I'll have to upload it later.

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