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Memores acti prudentes futuri


She said it was all make believe
but I thought she said maple leaves
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
FFTA [DP]
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

Screw tomorrow
Monday, September 19, 2011
But at least I can't be disappointed if I don't have plans.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Getting paid to feel awkward
Saturday, September 17, 2011
Yesterday I went to Stanford to get an MRI for the study I signed up for. After filling out some paperwork, they showed me to the little patient/volunteer locker room and told me I could use one of the lockers in there. They had me change into scrubs and hospital socks and wait around while they got the machine ready.

Well, after standing awkwardly around for a few minutes, they were like "oh uh... the machine is broken... so... we can't do the MRI... but we'd still like a saliva sample, so if you could spit into this tube that would be cool."

I took the saliva-collecting kit and blinked self consciously. The girl who'd taken me to the room sensed my discomfort and told me I could go to the bathroom to do it if I wanted. I was pretty glad for that option, lemme tell ya.

Anyway, after several minutes of staring at my face in the mirror as I made strange expressions to try to get enough saliva to fill the tube to the line, I walked back out and handed her the tube, and she gave me the key to my locker, so I got dressed. Walked back out, and they said that even though the MRI wasn't going to happen, I could still do some sort of emotion identifying exercise.

Yeah, that didn't work either. They had some trouble with the laptop, then desktop, that they tried to use, so they just told me I could go and that they'd still pay me. X|

Seems like it would've been kind of cool to actually do something besides feel awkward in scrubs and spit into a tube, but oh well.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

Kind of scary...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
I had a dream that the cast of Family Guy was going on some sort of expedition next to a river that was mostly flowing down a series of hills.

At some point, Meg wandered into a dark building, away from the rest of the group. It was made of old wood, but without any cracks to let in light, so when she walked in, the only light came from the doorway behind her.

Anyway, she stood in the darkness, and I saw a massive spider in front of her. It was horrifyingly big, and covered the entire barn-sized wall. As she stood there, it shot out a leg at her face.

Instinctively, I knew that it had just plucked something off her face to eat. It repeated this action several times, and I knew it was picking off her lips and nose, bits of skin, her eyes. Strangely, she just stood there, although her cries of "aah!" and "ow!" became somewhat muffled after it took her lips. I couldn't see her face because it was in shadow, but the knowledge of what was happening made me sick, so I crept out, stopping behind her for a moment to look back and wonder why she wouldn't move as the spider kept disassembling her face.

Somehow this dream felt more creepy than the one I had a few nights ago where the men pulled the limbs off that guy. I don't know what I'm doing that's giving me these dreams... X|

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

Newsish
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
So, I've now been FORMALLY diagnosed with major depression.

Wooooo.

Granted, it was over the phone, but I mean, I figure the doctors at Stanford know their stuff.

I don't know why this is so funny. I guess it's like living your life for six years and then one day a doctor calls you and tells you "you probably already know this, but you have a nose."

Anyway, I think I'm scheduled for a brain scan on Friday, and they'll pay me $50. Or something like that. Fun times.

---

Oh yeah, and also, I started reading Shades of Grey by Jasper Fforde. Unlike Party Monster, which I had been reading for the past few weeks at a very slow pace, I uh, sort of stayed up until 5 AM reading it, and then only stopped because my brain had shut down to the point where I could barely process any of it.



It's about a world where people live in a hierarchical class system based on the colors they can perceive. The main character is a Red, or a person who can naturally only see reds. I think the Reds are the lowest Chromatics (people who can see color) on the scale, with Violets being the highest. I'm not exactly sure how the rankings work, but I think it's just based on the visible light spectrum order. Oh, and they have synthetic colors that everyone can see (but the synthetics are in short supply).

Anyway, the Greys are like the serfs of the society. They have to do all the hard labor and the undesirable tasks that the Chromatics don't want to do. In the village that the main Red relocates to, the Yellows (who are the rule enforcers) have the Greys working sixteen hour days because of overemployment (I don't quite understand that part). The Greys aren't treated as subhuman, but they're definitely looked down upon by the upper classes.

Everybody in the society lives according to the Rules, which were set down by Munsell (prophet or god figure of some sort). Some of them are reasonable, but other don't make any sense at all. For instance, one meal a day is required (they usually have lunch at the town hall), and after fifty years of work a person is free to do whatever they wish during their retirement, but it's illegal to make new spoons (they just have to pass the existing ones from centuries ago along or scavenge for them) and not conforming to the dress code is a serious offense.

I think it's a pretty good book, although it took me a little while to get into the writing style of the author. I also think it would make a fantastic movie, even if we're seeing everything through the eyes of the main character, which would make for a strange color scheme.

---Edit---

So I just finished the book, and was crestfallen when I found out that the story wasn't concluded. There were fewer and fewer pages to go, and it didn't seem like anything was wrapping itself up. Then, to my delight, I see on the last page a notice about Shades of Grey 2 and 3. Excitedly, I turned my computer on to see if they were available and possibly purchase them impulsively.

Turns out that Shades of Grey 2 isn't actually due out for another two years.

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

---

Lastly, that Spontaneous Combustion hot sauce is AWESOME. It's hot enough that it makes my eyes water and my nose run, and leaves a fairly strong burn in my mouth. I've been dousing my food with it, which helps me pace myself when I eat. I also tried putting a drop into hot cocoa, which was quite nice, actually. You'd think the garlic and whatever flavoring would make it unpleasant, but all that was noticeable was the heat.

Comment! (5) | Recommend!

There is stuff in this post
Friday, September 9, 2011
Some of that stuff is pictures!

Here's the tater twister thing I got at the Boardwalk.

I am aware that this is a very late picture. Oh well. By the way, it wasn't that great, so I don't think I'd get it again...

For all your tasty salted pig parts needs, of course.


A chair at the jewelry store I went to with my mom yesterday in Monterey...



In case you were unaware, rock stars are capable of telling the future.

Or maybe it's just Elvis.

HOT SAUCE! I look forward to trying this...


I got a new dress... amazingly enough it's not black.


Kinda dark, but if you look closely you can see that it says "PEACE" on the back.


It looks less shapeless when you actually put it on, thankfully.


So, I went to Monterey yesterday with my mom and brother. We visited the aquarium, which was... uneventful, I guess. They've put in a puffin exhibit since we were last there though, which was nice. Also, they got a new sunfish (the old one died). The new sunfish is really creepy looking.

(Ripped that picture from the Monterey Bay Aquarium Tumblr, which I just now found out exists)

I mean, sunfish are kinda creepy looking anyway, I guess, but this one is REALLY creepy.

What else... hm... well, my mom and I did a little shopping and got some clothes from this Himalayan gift(?) store. That's where I got the dress... The dude minding the store kept telling us that everything was handmade, and that articles of clothing we were trying on looked like a good fit for us, etc. He also told me that the mole under my eye was a sign of good luck and that I had a lucky future.

...Riiiiiiiiiiight.

When we were buying our stuff, he let me pick out a bead ring (price: $1) for free. While I was poking through the pile, he explained something about how in Nepal, temples are made of gold(?) and women wear bead rings to them. He also told me that if I wore the ring and wished on it, the wish would come true.

He seemed kind of full of crap, but I guess I can't fault him for trying to play it up for tourists.

Also, I don't think I mentioned it here, but I contacted some psych lab at Stanford to inquire about participating in a study, and they've called me twice since then. Well, thrice I guess, but it was two phone appointments and then a followup after the second appointment today.

They think I'd be better suited for a lower paying (but less time consuming) study instead of the one I wanted to be in... I mean, that's alright I guess. I'm kind of bummed, because it's a $450 one month+ study vs. a $50 one time scan (I think?), and the higher paying one involves playing a computer game for a month, but it's free, so there's not really anything I can reasonably complain about...

I wonder what kind of people they wanted for the other study, the one they didn't think I was right for... Kind of also wonder if I could've gotten into the other one if I'd responded differently. Meh...

Comment! (6) | Recommend!

Max foofin' [2P]
Monday, September 5, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (7) | Recommend!

I guess this thing is a love song
Saturday, September 3, 2011
But it's not very in-your-face about it, which is nice.



I've been looking around for a new player to put on my site. I don't fancy the Playlist.com ones very much, as they can be kind of obtrusive at times.

I panic-cleaned my room today. There was a bit of a mob of tiny spiders around my desk area, so I vacuumed with fervor and then decided to tidy up my room in general. What's freaking me out is that I don't know where the tiny spiders keep coming from. It MUST be around my desk area, but I keep cleaning and it's not working, so I don't know... Perhaps behind my desk, where I can't reach? (Not a pleasant thought, I'll tell you that)

Luckily I'm not quite as afraid when they're minuscule in size, so I can just as easily squish them with a tissue as vacuum them up, but it's discomfiting to know that there may very well be a nest of spiders in my room... and that I might be sitting less than two feet from it now, completely unaware. D:

I think ten or fifteen hatched just today, which was pretty horrible. I've been seeing a few here and there in the past few months, but it was never enough to send me into a panic-cleaning like today.

Oh well... despite the mild stress, I guess I did need to straighten up in here... so something good came out of it...

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