Wear and tear
Thursday. 5.17.07 12:05 am
I'm veeeeeerrry tired. Just got off the phone with Stevie, but still don't think I can sleep. Lately, I've been completely nocturnal, making it hard for me to go to school and still leave with a passing grade. I need at least in eighty on both my math and global studies exams to pass with a B, which is my ideal, if not an A.
It's hard, though. I'll tell you that. Even though it's just high school, not the real world. There are so many expectations still on me, to be better than my brother, exceed further and quicker. I'm starting to believe that humans only have second babies as machines to erase the first baby's mistakes and correct them with complete perfection.Like a BetterClone, one-upping First Baby until its meaning is obscure and meaningless next to Second Baby.
I'm so rambling, but I must wonder if Mike ever thought anything about this. Since my mom always supported the things HE did, first, instead of my original talents. I may draw realistic human beings, and I may get published in minor things for my writing, but she still misses the way I played violin (and that was a year ago)?
It's hard to understand.
Maybe I'm just delirious. I certainly am dizzy.
Thursday. 3.5.07 10:43 pm
Wednesday. 4.25.07 7:27 pm
I'm beginning to loathe Christopher Lee--not to be confused with Chris Lee, the actor. No, Christopher Lee, the historian-slash-writer.
I usually have no problem historian-slash-writers. My teacher, last year, was one, and he was one of my favorite teachers of all time. His book, furthermore, was actually quite interesting, from what I was able to read. And I certainly don't have a problem with JUST historians or JUST writers, either, given that I am kind of a budding writer (if I can just think up something wicked cool to write and get it out there), and that I constantly flip to the History Channel.
So you'd think I'd be in Heaven, reading about my favorite time period (end of Elizabethan), written by an historian-slash-writer.
But this guy. Is whacked up.
I can respect him for doing what he loves, and getting published, along with the fact that his knowledge far surpasses my own in the era. What I cannot get past, however, is why my school has that book, while even Amazon barely carries a copy. Who would be dumb enough to pick it up and think, Oh, good, giant words and 356 pages. SOUNDS LIKE FUN. FOR TWO TEST GRADES.
And only now am I realizing how deep I'm in it, this being the eve of my due date.
(You may wonder why I'm blogging at such a HUGE moment, when I should be rushing to finish my paper. What you must not realize, is that I surely have mental problems, having let this go four or five weeks, knowing that I need to get it done. I actually even talked to Stevie middaymoon for an hour and a half, today, disregarding any nagging thoughts about how my teacher waits for no man. (And takes no late work.) He should not blame himself for my failure, in this case, because he must realize that I was doomed from the start, really, and need some motivation to begin working way ahead of time. I, slacker of slackers, need to be beaten with a pointy stick. Ruthlessly.)
So now, I'm trying to find anything on him. At all. Good luck to my teacher, when she tries to find any tiny sample of something I could have plagiarized, because, seriously, there is NOTHING.
But I guess I shouldn't be so down on myself. It's truly Christopher Lee's fault. If the title of his book hadn't looked interesting, I wouldn't be in such a pickle.
It's my fault.
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