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Memores acti prudentes futuri


No shadows will replace the warmth of your contact
love is dead in Metropolis
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
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P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
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The Property of Hate
Red Meat
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Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
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Scenes from a Multiverse
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Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
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Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
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Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
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Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
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Snowflakes
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SubCulture
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Thermohalia
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Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
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Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
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Whirled
Looky here
free counters
I went for a walk [4P]
Tuesday, June 13, 2017
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waetehkaegyhkl;kgahagh;adgf
Monday, June 12, 2017
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;hadfhhio;adfhfhio;dgahio;adfh;hiadfhh;idagjiodga;hiarg;hzdbbh;gad



MY BODY WAS NOT BUILT TO WITHSTAND SUCH FLUSTER

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Dentist, dad, love?
Sunday, June 11, 2017
Well, things these past few days have been going in a very different direction than I expected. I'm having fun, I'm feeling good. No appetite, but I'm generally satisfied with my weight and such. Kind of had to force myself to eat today, but at least I ate more than pure junk. Yesterday I kinda just had junk and a Clif bar. Hopefully we can go grocery shopping soon so I have things to eat. There's so much food in this house and so little I ever want to eat. Just feel like having some fruit... that seems really nice.

I have a dentist appointment tomorrow! Hopefully everything checks out okay. Hopefully they don't tell me that the freckle on my lip looks weird and I should get checked out for cancer. They seem to tell me that every other time I go.

My best memory of going to the dentist was during my senior year of high school, after we had a presentation in Physio about the horrifying things that can happen if you don't maintain good oral hygiene. It freaked me out so much that I religiously flossed for months after that, and when I went to the dentist, they told me I had "textbook healthy gums." Every time I have a dentist appointment I secretly hope they'll be proud of me for doing a good job keeping my mouth in shape, but it's never happened again. T_T

Ahhh, Jens Lekman, always so great.

"Your Arms Around Me" by Jens Lekman.


I miss my dad. He's on a bike tour and I don't know when he's getting back. His goal is to bike to Florida from California, and I don't think he's even halfway through Texas right now... In one of our last sessions, I was telling my therapist about how I was worried about my dad and how I didn't want anything bad to happen to him on his tour, and she just said "You love your dad." And I mean, yeah, I don't think I've said it since I was little, but yeah. It feels weird to say, but yeah.

It feels kind of weird to say I love people, and it has felt weird since I was a kid, but I'm opening up to it and I feel like I love my friends and stuff. I remember being 18 and feeling super distraught because I wasn't sure what love was and none of the definitions I found seemed to make any sense to me. Like, I remember something that said you know you love someone when you care about them more than you care about yourself, and I was like, "but I care about everyone more than myself, I don't like myself. Does that mean I love everyone? That doesn't seem right." Unsatisfying definition because it fluctuates based on your level of self-esteem and self-regard.

I don't really have any more to say about that at the moment, I'm just going off on tangents because it's late and I should be going to bed but for some reason I'm still up gah.

I like a boy and it's got me all flustered aaah

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5.5 months [2P]
Saturday, June 10, 2017
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I feel flustered
Thursday, June 8, 2017
(@[email protected])

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Something of value
Sunday, June 4, 2017
"My Sentimental Melody" by The Magnetic Fields.

I live on the blue planet
That I saw in your eyes
But now I can't stay
Knowing it's made
Of beautiful lies

---

Love can kill people, can't it?
Well it still may kill me
Each drop of rain
Is a glass of champagne
It's sweet and it's free
When I drink I don't panic
When I drink I don't die
When I'm far gone
It's all just a song
Just beautiful lies


---

I met up with someone yesterday. He's a pretty interesting guy, and I enjoyed talking to him. One of the few extraverts I've met... Socializing was very easy and natural for him, and he said he'd noticed that for people who weren't naturally outgoing, it was hard for them to pick it up. I asked him where he thought I fell on that spectrum, and he said I actually seemed fairly adept at socializing, but he could tell that I had to put effort into it, whereas it came effortlessly to him.

We'd talked for awhile online before meeting up, and at one point he said something that really struck me. I told him I felt kind of bad for shopping and buying things I was only going to wear once or twice, and he responded with "Yeah but those few things that you've only worn once or twice probably looked G R E A T when you actually wore them haha this is actually an adorable and stereotypically 'feminine' quality for you to possess :P"

I guess the reason that this struck me the way it did was because I've always felt kind of guilty for liking shopping, like I'm a bad person for being materialistic at all. My last couple boyfriends had a really negative view of shopping and I didn't feel like it was something I could ever be open about or even approach in conversation with them. Talking to Juliano about it surprised me and made me feel like there are people out there who would accept that part of me and even appreciate it. After that came up in conversation, he asked me a couple different times, unprompted, if I'd bought anything new recently or done any shopping, and I showed him and it felt nice. When we hung out, he also noticed the necklace I was wearing and said he liked it, and I told him about how I only got it because it was a really good deal (under $2), and I never even really wear jewelry usually.

Compliments like the one he gave me about shopping always stay with me. I remember a long time ago, back when Xanga was still a thing (this could have been 10+ years ago now...), Gwenny wrote a post for me as a belated birthday thing. She reframed my pickiness/sensitivity as discerning taste, and said that I was picky, but that meant I picked the best food, best people, etc. I wish I could get her original wording, but Xanga has been gone for a long time. I did email her a few years ago asking if she could download her Xanga archives and send me the post, but apparently she never did. Anyway, that meant a lot to me, because my parents and other people have criticized me a lot in my life for being picky and overly sensitive. In some ways that's been a positive thing, because I've learned how to be more open to new things, but it was also really helpful for me to have some part of that validated and accepted.

It's been a pretty rare occurrence to have something about me I thought was only negative valued by someone else, but I never forget it when it happens. I'd really like to be able to pass that along to other people if I can. I think it kind of goes along with what my dad said about his friend-- that she can find a sincere compliment to give to anyone. I still want to be able to do that, but I haven't been working on it recently... Need to pick that back up.

I should really keep some kind of long term self-development to do list so I don't forget these things. >.>

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I'm almost doooooooone [2P]
Thursday, June 1, 2017
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Just feel like saying
Friday, May 26, 2017
I'm feeling really appreciative of my friends today!

That's all.

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