Entry #1: 29 January 05

Here I am: Basic Training. I've seen the movies, heard the rumors, and like everyone else, I had a picture in my head of what it was like. So far I have to say it's not too bad. Stress, not TOO bad. Sure it sucks. I'm tired, lonely, very restricted. It's definitely a huge life change. I got so used to the simple freedoms of driving to the store, watching a movie, or seeing a loved one. Getting used to losing freedoms to help secure freedoms is the single hardest part of this journey. Drill Sergeants yell, we push non stop, EVERYONE is an idiot and it ALWAYS fucks my deal up. All that and everything else combined is easy as compared to losing those freedoms. I've been so depressed and anxious because of that factor alone. But I'm not alone.

Every man here, well most of them, have a wife or a kid or a lifestyle that they put on hold to be here. It's heartbreaking to hear some of the guys' stories or reasons for being here. Every person you ask "why are you here?" has a different full list of reasons, "money for school, skills for a job, my father/brother served, I wanted to learn something new, I had nothing better to do." Every person will also say "for my country."

All those freedoms we all gave up would never be enjoyed if there weren't 2 centuries of people giving up their freedoms to fight. Because of my job I won't be really "fighting" as in the front lines but we need so much more than just the front line, and that's why I'm here, to offer my strength which is the muscle in my jead. Everyone here had a strength they will employ here. Basic training thought, builds all of our strengths in the fundamentals of being a soldier.

Fundamentals like physical capabilities, ability to comprehend/follow orders, and the ability to shoot. The physical aspects: I'm running with the top of the class so to speak and isn't a big problem. They say the only thing you need to succeed is to listen to the drill sergeants (DS). So far it seems to be absolutely true. They say "do this" and you do it. Sure they yell at you and mess you all up, but so what? It's just pressure and pressure turns coal into diamonds.

So over all I feel very confident I will succeed with little worry. The people back home writing me will help make time fly and remind me why I'm doing this. I'm very excited to learn and see new things that I will put in this journal to share with everyone. If my stories convince anyone else to join, just put me as a reference. Remember Thrad, if you join with a degree, you start out as an E-4 specialist. Think about it. Hope to hear from everyone soon.

-Brian

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chocolate chip cookie dough pop tarts are fantastic.

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im joinin. if everything goes right i may ship out in a few weeks. which means theres alot of people i need to see. and i know some people have their reasons why i shouldnt go but ive heard them all and weighed all those options. as most people know ive thought about the military for some time so its not like this is a thought out of no where. anyone who would like to hang out during this time should get a hold of me and let me know when we can. i will (so they say) be back for 2 weeks over christmas that i could see people then too. so everyone let me know.

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so i got the esteemed pleasure of sitting through another bullshit ass meeting at work today. here's how this meeting went: WE are management. YOU are operations. EVERYTHING wrong with this company is YOUR fault. disregard the horrible management aspect of your job and do the insane, rediculous shit we ask you. ::end meeting::

and this is the same meeting that has been held the 4 years ive been there. every single time. but they hate me now because i have no problem insulting management and pointing out their screw ups and shortcomings. this may come as a surprise for some people but its true. one comment was about how no one speaks up for fear of our co-workers getting mad. come on now. does that sound remotely like me? now i realize, being a company meeting, even the innocent have to listen about the guilty, but i cant stand being talked down to like a child because of the children i work with. its like if your brother broke the lamp, but doesnt fess up, mom yells at both of you. or he blames you so you have no choice but to blame him and you both get in trouble anyway. i have an idea. dont break the fucking lamp. either it broke on accident, then you report it and it gets replaced with no consequence to you. or you broke it doing something you had no business doing. so dont do the dumb shit and you wont have the dumb result.

causality. every action has a reaction. so lets have fun with word algebra. action = reaction. add dumb to either side: dumb action = dumb reaction. plus, PLUS, all this dumb crap cuts into my bonus. i cant get it because while im working 60 hours a week doing all my shit on point, this numbskull sidescrapes a tree and doesnt tell anyone. thanks dick. PLUS the cokehead manager. well ex-manager. fun story: he had a 2001 dodge durango (close to 30K when the company bought it) which was a company truck. asshole gets drunk and wraps it around a tree. becuase nothing impress a bar girl like getting trashed then driving home. so thats $30,000 right out of company profit for no good cause. then, MYSTERIOUSLY no more than a week later, someone stole money from the petty cash bin. no this theft cost us our bonus for the quarter but no more than $150 was stolen there. and when they investigated it, even sent it in to get finger printed, no ones prints were on it but matt and this manager who wrecked the truck. now im no accountant but id say $30,000 is alot more than $150. and im no shercock holmes but id say this coked up piece of shit stole that money to put something on us (refer to the meeting where EVERYTHING is our fault) so we wouldnt get the bonus we earned, but was gone because of his drunk, blow-addicted, cock suckin monkey fuckin self. fuck that goofy bar fly piece of shit. i usually dont hate people (save for child molestors and the sort) but i hate that mother fucker. i do. i dont wish him harm but if it happens i wouldnt feel sorry. i think he deserves to be paralyzed for driving drunk like a dick, and fucking up the money that a crew of hard workers deserved. but isnt that how the world works? a large population works hard, so one dick can blow it all away for his own fuck up. awesome. lets go dreams and hopes. fuck people.

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word. i havent typed in here much due to the slew of video games released. i havent done alot due to that actually. if i cant do it while i play playstation, then chances are it wont get done. but i did update the garageland site so you should all check it out. i didnt make any new garages but if like 5 people say they would like to see them again then i could do it again. what with my fantastic ms paint art and all. there wont be much there, just a huge page of quotes i like as i make and hear them.

so whats goin on? wal-mart has started bins of dvds for $1 with lots of old 50's horror movies with the like of bela lugosi and the sort. these are prime for watchin myster science theater style. we watched some last weekend and people were howlin. i like to think im funny, but i was on point that night. i love making people laugh. i love seeing people laugh even if i had nothing to do with it. i guess if we all have some grab for attention, that would be mine. but i love laughing as well so its like a double bonus.

everyone needs to laugh. and have sex. if everyone was laughing and getting laid, thered be no war. period. whos gonna say: "man that was funny, lets kill this country" or: "no, take that out of your mouth, i want to exterminate a race"? its the whole power thing. you have to make war to demonstrate power, to get happiness, which consits alot of these two things. for me at least. now being single i havent done the one in a while but i laugh enough to make up for it. maybe. lets just say i laugh alot.

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why do people blame slipknot when someone kills themselves, but no one blames creed when people do something good (or are completely vain, have you ever seen one of their videos?) ? i think itd be funny to hear "little billy saved a herd of llamas, hes been listening to that damn christian music again". And when athletes make a good play they say a prayer and thank god. but do they secretly blame jesus when they fuck up? Leviticus 7:43 states you will always drop a 4th and 9 pass.

people love blaming things, especially when they can take attention off the fact that someothing bad happened they were responsible for. like the whole fcc thing with tv and radio and the internet. pay attention to what your kids are doing and they wont do that shit. you could just take tv away from them and then they never see anything bad. but then theyll go out into the real world and see the bad things portrayed on TV that you dont want them to see in the first place. i say fuck it, let em see violence, but show more of the bad consequences as a result. like in germany they let the kids drink beer so theyre not near as bad as a country as us when it comes to alcohol because they grow up with an understanding of the nature of alcohol instead of being hidden from it which only makes you want it more. i know im like that. if you tell me i cant have something, i will go out on a limb to get it, even if i dont want it, just because you told me i couldnt have it.

the same things along the lines of video games. people blame games like doom on incidents like columbine. are you fucking serious? if your kid relates shooting 4 foot wide plasma rocket launchers at demons floating around to killing their friends in school, then theres obviously something wrong with them and you should have caught it sooner. and everytime it seems like more than one person dies, its because they played a violent game. what games or shows were jack the ripper and hitler playing or watching ? yeah i like that quote. but seriously, people were completely crazy long before any of this crap. but in all fairness im sure all through history they had something else to blame to take responisbility off themselves. "oh he didnt worship jesus enough and he got possessed" haha then people make money off of it. "give me 5 gold shillings for this medicine (water) that will keep those demons away"

people love making money off of a tragedy. it happens all the time. how many 9/11 t-shirts and posters were sold since it happened? i know some places sell that stuff to raise money for the relief fund but theres a bunch that does not. and everyone seems to love that micheal moore dude, how much did he make off of bowling for columbine? haha 2000 years ago a ficticious dude was killed and people still make a living off it (who said mel gibson?) the problem is people are easily swayed, especially in the shadow of a disaster, and by far the main reason to manipulate someone is for power, which by previous analogies = money.

it makes me wonder if well ever use the other 90% of our brains. people obviously do not completely think out their beliefs that much: "we need to destroy all vehicles to stop pollution" .. then we'd need to uses oxen and other animals to do the labor we can't .. "but we cant hurt the animals" .. well veggie head you better go out and reap your own grain .. "but im way too lazy!" jesus christ. it seems like everyone has a loud voice on how to change the planet and make it better. i think the planet got this way as a result of learning what didnt work and going the better route. everyone used to think the world was flat so they lived a certain way as a result, then they figured out that the world is round and changed the way of life as based on this new knowledge. that one off-shot of the puritans thought sex was a sin no matter what, so they didnt have sex and they all died off. obviously thats not the way it should be so they didnt make it. i think we all need to look to the future, and know that well fuck up, learn, and live better.

and remember, before the camera was invented, no one could see what they looked like with their eyes closed. porn time.

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