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Memores acti prudentes futuri


Shown to the place you fold
there's nothing to be without it
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Owen's Uncles
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Wilde Life
Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Distillum
Dream Life
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
Moon Town
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Things I have done today
Sunday, February 10, 2013
1. Stayed up videochatting until 5 AM
2. Slept until 1 PM
3. Read history textbook
4. Slept until 6 PM
5. Made roasted potatoes
6. Read more history

My boyfriend was supposed to come over today to help me study for my history midterm, but I ended up sleeping so much that it's probably better he didn't come over.

I'm listening to The Breakfast Machine... I think it's always going to remind me of an old attraction they used to have at the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. It was a scary fun house painted bright yellow inside that had a huge clown figure around the entrance.

I only ever went in there once, with one of my friends in sixth grade. People would jump out at you and air blew at you from hidden pipes while you walked through. It was certainly enough to scare me at age 11, and I kept yelling "stop it!" at the people who jumped out at us while my friend laughed. Even though I can't say I enjoyed the attraction all that much, I do have some nostalgia for it, and I used to like just standing outside listening to the music. I actually don't know if they music they played was even really The Breakfast Machine-- it could have been some other creepy fun house-sounding song.

I haven't been to the Boardwalk in a long time. I need to go there when it starts to get warmer.

---Edit---

I'm pretty sure I've posted this song before. The video is terrible. The lyrics are terrible. And yet I can't help but love it.

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Chugging along
Saturday, February 9, 2013
I'm surprised by how little trouble I've been having coming up with things to say in the daily entry for the challenge. I'm also enjoying reading everyone else's entries this month. It's fun to see what you all post when you're going for a post a day! I know some people only post every once in awhile to highlight something significant, so it's cool to see the more daily aspect of people's lives.

My writing group meeting was fun! Unfortunately the woman who is usually our organizer/coordinator didn't feel well and couldn't come, so we ended up not talking about writing the entire time, but it was enjoyable. It turned out that none of us had eaten dinner (the meeting was at 7 PM), so we walked over to a restaurant and had half of our meeting while eating. My boyfriend surprised us by picking up the tab. :) There were only four of us total, so it wasn't a huge amount of money, but it was still very generous of him.

Last night I expressed doubts to my boyfriend that he really ever would take me to New York, like he promised he would. He told me that if his work wouldn't let him take a week off to take me there, he would just find a new job, and that he was just waiting to save up enough money to go and it wasn't an issue of time.

I know I talk about him a lot (too much?) on here, but he's so amazing sometimes I feel like I can't help myself. Also he's the only person I hang out with outside of my family 90% of the time, so that probably factors in. :P

Lucy should be coming here soon to meet up with me and my boyfriend for lunch, so I should probably end this entry. We're going to the baylands! Fun times.

---Edit---

Welp, Lucy canceled, or I should say told me she couldn't come after I texted her asking if she was coming over. >_>

And after reading Nuttz's post I remembered that at the restaurant last night this old asian lady who looked like she might be blind in one eye came over to our table to wish us a happy Chinese New Year. Somehow she ended up talking about different foods they eat during it and things her family did/does. It kind of made me wonder. I got the impression that she might be lonely and wanted to talk to people, but it's possible she just wanted to chat. She seemed kind of old to be working there during the closing shift... I'm not sure what she was, either. Not a server, I think, but maybe she was busing tables/cleaning? I hope she's not one of those elderly people who have no one to support them and have to work low skill jobs just to keep afloat. :\

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Not sure if I am clumsy and forgot or
Friday, February 8, 2013
...if a tiny dwarf is crawling up onto my bed at night and whacking my ankles with something hard.

Frickin' hurts. There aren't even any bruises, they just hurt. I'm not sure what's going on.

I stayed up past 2 AM last night... er... this morning... videochatting with a friend on Skype. He showed me this story that an acquaintance of his wrote in eighth grade. It is basically the most psychopathic piece of fiction I've ever read. From the looks of it, this dude learned about Hitler, Stalin, and Mussolini and thought "Those are some cool guys! I wanna be like them!" It was a VERY disturbing story...

Nowadays he's, amazingly, probably not a serial killer. He is supposedly a born-again Christian, but beyond that I don't know much about him.

---

In other news, I went to Mimi's Cafe for lunch with my parents today, and all their forks had only three tines. >:(

Three tined forks are gross. They look like alien hands and basically I hate them. It's like when cartoon characters only have four fingers, except in real life. The spaces between the tines are just too big and they're not good and just AJFLKFHASKFSFJALSFJGHLJGHFA.

I have a writing group meeting today.

Also, I reread my old random stories last night when I was talking to my friend. I don't remember thinking they were that funny when I wrote them, but in hindsight... they're pretty amusing. It was kind of a pain to find them though, since I deleted the module that used to list my writings awhile ago.

I've been eating toast with goat cheese on it the past couple days. Mmmm. It leaves a goaty flavor in my mouth though, which is less enjoyable.

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Math >:( and also some pictures
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Math is stupid.

I think I would prefer it if we didn't have to use graphing calculators. Honestly, out of everything that's happened in the class, that's the part I actually have problems with, since I have a TI-86 and the class uses a TI-84. Urghhh.

Some pictures...

The magical drink making machine at my boyfriend's workplace:


"BLACK HOMELESS STUDENT SEEKING DEBBIE FOR ROOMATE"

It has list spots for "HER NAME" and "HER ADDRESS"

"STUDENT HOMELESS SEEKING FREE ROOM AN BOARD WITH SUSAN with female's prefer"


"BLACK HOMELESS STUDENT SEEKING SUSAN or MISSISSIPPI for FREE RM an board"


I bought a hot apple cider and for some reason they put cinnamon sticks in it.

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Singing, vibes [Edited to link piece]
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
I'm listening to The Mentalist by Splitsville. It doesn't have much to do with the rest of the entry.


Returning again to that old idea about singing along together...

My boyfriend is, I'm pretty sure, the worst singer I've ever heard. It's not so much that his voice is horrible, it's more like... if he had to sing a song in tune or die, he would definitely die. Definitely.

Last night in the car as we drove around trying to find SOMETHING in this city that's open past 9 PM, I was playing my iPod through the car's speakers and singing along to "Very Busy People" by The Limousines softly. Still had the remnants of bronchitis clogging up my throat. He turned to me and said I was a "surprisingly good singer" and that he likes it when I sing. We've talked about this before... I can't remember if I've posted about it though. There are a couple of songs I've sung along to in full around him before, one of them being "If I Had a Million Dollars" by The Barenaked Ladies.

I think he's the only person I really feel comfortable singing around.

---

This is probably just me, but I can't really listen to Queen's "We Are the Champions" without getting very specific sad vibes from it. As if it's being sung by someone who is struggling but has been surviving and is just trying to reassure themselves that they can keep hanging on. A lie told to keep life going.

Especially the "No time for losers" line... It always comes off as "No time for losers, you have to keep forcing yourself to continue or you'll be left behind by the world." A pep talk that someone is giving to themselves, but despite the attempts to mask the doubt, the desperation, it's seeping through.

I'm 99.9% sure this vibe I get is just me projecting onto the song, but you'd think it would go away at some point. And strangely enough, I don't get the same vibe from Jonathan Coulton's cover of the song, even though his music often intentionally has a sad slant. o_O

---

Here's my piece: Loveless

The title is fitting, but it's also just the name of the prompt because I didn't feel like giving it a unique title.

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A sense of humor
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
You know how, when you ask a lot of people what they look for in a mate, they list a sense of humor as being an important quality?

I haven't really had a conscious list of things I look for in mates for a long time, but I can't remember a sense of humor ever being one of my top priorities. Maybe it just falls under "not boring"?

My boyfriend's sense of humor is... eh. He likes mine, though. He considers me very witty. And while I love him bunches, I don't think he's funny.

Although I do think the fact that he thinks he's hilarious is funny. So he rarely cracks jokes that make me laugh, but I'll laugh at his reaction to things.

He really likes puns, unfortunately, and I can tell that he really wants me to like his puns too, because every time he makes one (which is very often), he pauses and looks at me with this expression of utter glee and anticipation, like he expects me to laugh until I cry. I don't hate puns, but I very rarely find them that enjoyable.

Okay maybe I hate puns a little, now. I just felt neutral about them before I started dating him.

But usually it'll go something like this:

Me: You eat a lot of yogurt.
Him: Maybe it's because I'm so... CULTURED. -Huge gleeful grin as he waits for me to laugh at what he obviously considers a masterpiece of punnery-
Me: >:(
Him: :D :) :| :\ :C Well I thought it was funny.
Me: No.

He makes me laugh sometimes, but his favorite form of humor doesn't make the cut for me.

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C-C-C-Canceled
Monday, February 4, 2013
Thinking about Dr. Rockzo, the Rock 'n Roll Clown. K-K-K-K YEAHHH.

I miss watching Metalocalypse.

My history class this morning was canceled, which means I don't have class until 3:30. Yay! I have a test though, so I should probably study.

I'm pretty sure I have bronchitis, just like last year. I don't know if it was pure chance I got it again or what, but it's annoying. I hope I don't start getting yearly bouts of it. This year wasn't as bad as last year, at least. Last year I had to miss a day of school because I just felt so awful. I think it lasted longer as well, maybe two weeks or more? Doctor was wondering if I had mono...

---

I keep reflecting on the ways my boyfriend treats me... I have this one finger that always (I think) looks kinda messed up because my skin is sensitive to soap/water and it dries out and can sometimes crack or itch a lot, and I usually hide it or have a bandaid on it, but if he sees me hiding it he'll hold my hand and tell me it looks fine and I shouldn't be so worried about it. He also just gives me a lot of compliments in general. I still don't have top notch self esteem, but he's helping it a lot.

---

Snorgtees advertisements really annoy me. If you haven't seen them, they take a sort-of-attractive-in-a-realistic-way girl and put a shirt on her, then have her pose in... I don't know, maybe what's supposed to be a sexy position? The shirts are always, always, really lame and not clever in the slightest. They're just reworkings of overused memes (zombies, for instance, or bacon) or "snarky attitude" sayings.

There are some memes I hate because they become so mainstream and overdone that it starts to feel like an inside joke that a million people tried to get in on without understanding the context. I'm not saying I have any special right to keep memes small or anything, but I feel like there's a point where it just gets to be too much. I get that people enjoy bacon, and that's fine for them, but it's going a bit overboard to make a whole subculture out of it.

I dunno. To me it feels like there was a small group of probably more-on-the-interesting-side people who were like "yeah, bacon tastes good!" and started the whole "bacon is awesome movement," then as it got bigger, less interesting and outright boring people who just wanted to be in on something came along and started pushing out stuff like "Either you like bacon or YOU'RE WRONG."

This probably makes me sound like a bad person in some way or another. I wish people would just create their own content instead of constantly recycling stuff. It's rare to see a meme done very well, although there are a fair number of okay ones.

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Hansel and Gretel
Sunday, February 3, 2013
Friday night I ended up falling asleep on my boyfriend's couch because I had taken my prescription codeine cough syrup before going to his apartment and it made me drowsy. (I think I have maybe mentioned before that I'm apparently allergic to dextromethorphan, which is in like every over the counter cough syrup?)

I think I was asleep (I just typed 'alseep' by accident and for some reason I find it funny), but I was thinking about how I should tell my mom if I was going to stay there and wondering if he would think to text her for me.

When I woke up, he told me he had texted her. Magic!

Last night we saw Hansel and Gretel at a nearby AMC Theatre. I had silver passes, but we still ended up having to pay $3 for our tickets. I mean, not that I'm complaining, since that's quite a bargain, but you'd think what with the passes and all that it'd be free. Anyway, after the movie ended, he remarked, "I'm glad this was only $3."

I didn't think it was that bad. :P Campy, yes, definitely, but I didn't expect much from it. I think that getting better from depression/depersonalization has immensely improved my ability to like movies. There was a period of maybe five to seven years where I really couldn't say I liked any movies I saw in theatres. I don't know if that's because the movies all sucked or I just couldn't enjoy them. The best I could say about a movie was that it was "solid and didn't have too many plotholes."

The music from Hansel and Gretel sounded like the music from the Sherlock Holmes movies with Robert Downey Jr. in them. It had that same plucky sound, not sure what instrument it comes from.

---

I had a dream last night... I was wandering around this dimly lit grocery store, browsing while I waited for someone to finish shopping... I was in an aisle that had the kind of freezers that are open, the ones you reach down into to get what you want. There were shelves above the freezers so that you couldn't see into the next aisle. I looked down into one of the freezers and saw a brown shipping box that had no pictures or descriptions of the product inside, and was curious to see what was in it. It was about the size of a shoebox, the sort that has a flap which opens from one side. I opened the box and pulled out a huge set of teeth and gums, frozen solid. They were laid flat though, not in the normal configuration of the human mouth. It occurred to me that their frozen state was keeping them from flying around and attacking people, so I put them back in the box, closed it, and replaced it in the freezer.

Later on I was walking around on a playground structure that was on stilts above water. There were a lot of other people there, but they weren't really people... They were monsters pretending to be people I knew, or had known. I think the disembodied teeth had something to do with it. They were trying to get me to become one of them, use my body perhaps, but I was evading them for the time being. I had a squirtgun and I was using it to spray them, which was working somewhat. They were stable when dry, but when they came into contact with water they were overwhelmed with an unbearable sadness and regret and you could just push them over the structure and into the water to drown them. My squirtgun only had a limited water supply, so I couldn't get all of them, but then another human came with a firehose and he managed to spray a lot of them into the water...

I remember spraying one of the ones that was coming towards me, and he just stopped where he was and became kind of slumped over and sighed "what's the point?" before I kicked him off the edge.

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