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Him: How was your day?
Me: Fine.
Him: Nice. What are your plans for the long weekend?
Me: Probably just going to hang out with friends.
Him: Are you going to be in San Jose? My buddy is having a party Sunday. What's your number? You seem interesting and I would like to get to know you better.
Me: I'm not really interested in going to a party or giving you my number, sorry.
Him: Good, because I didn't want to get you pregnant.
Me: ...How is that even relevant?

He is a pickup artist I think.

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Can't post the video itself here, but I thought this was pretty good:

Who's Gonna Save My Soul

I feel like I've been in this weird state for awhile where I can't tell if I'm emotionally healthy or unhealthy.

I don't feel particularly depressed anymore, I guess, but life just seems... kind of bland? And yet I don't pay that much attention to it, aside from the stray pondering here and there.

"Didn't there used to be something more to this?"

It kind of sucks that most of my creative inspiration seems to come from being unhappy. I'm not sure I'm actually capable of writing not-depressed poetry with any sincerity to it.

In other news, Lucy suggested we go out to karaoke sometime. I've never done karaoke before, so the prospect is a bit daunting... And I'm not sure what songs I would sing. I'm not sure what I both know well enough and have the range to sing.

...Or what I wouldn't feel embarrassed singing.


Never me another girl like you
Work me over
Never met another girl like you
Drag me under
If I meet another girl like you
I will tell her
Never want another girl like you
Have to say

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It's very strange to me that when I look back at my old entries from a few years ago they don't give the impression that I was depressed at all. Well, not the ones I looked at just now, anyway.

Of course, my journal and other private blogs (as small as Nutang is, I do consider this my public blog) might say otherwise.

I guess the poetry I wrote when I was in high school is probably the best indicator of my depressive state at the time.

It's... so... bad... >_<

Kind of interesting to see the progression of themes though.

2005: Sad, some self pity
2006: Anger (at self and others), some confusion, uncertainty, feelings of alienation
2007: Berating myself, desperate obsession
2008: ??? (Detachment?)
2009: Fear, self doubt, desire to escape, descent into nonsense
2010: Isolation, guilt, detachment, inability to relate, panic, emptiness, regret
2011: Resignation, dark humor, withdrawal
2012: Detached self observation

I haven't written much poetry this year.

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I guess I'll try to recap some stuff to clarify what's going on in my life.

I was supposed to transfer to a state university this fall after finishing up at a community college. I attended the orientation, and the admitted students day, applied for housing, sent all my application materials... That's what I thought, at least.

The school was bad about communicating with me from the start. They don't send out any actual information in emails-- they send an email telling you to look at their online portal for messages in your inbox. So, in my inbox in the online portal, I had a bunch of messages telling me "the due date for housing applications/materials is ___!" and "the deadline for the writing skills test is ___!" but nothing about enrollment or whether or not I had secured housing.

(A fee for a bit more than $5400 just showed up in the portal one day. It said it was for housing, so I paid it, but they never informed me if I had gotten the apartment or when the move in date was, etc.)

About halfway through July I found out that I hadn't sent them a final transcript from St. John's. I was wondering why I couldn't enroll in any classes yet. (Instruction started today) That was my mistake, of course, and I take full responsibility for it.

BUT-- why didn't they ever tell me I was missing a transcript? They sent me tons of emails about everything I didn't need emails for (that is to say-- things I already finished and turned in).

So, I sent the transcript. And they finally let me enroll in classes a couple weeks later. But... whoops. Too late, all the classes I needed were completely filled up. I had the option of going in on the first day of school and trying to get the professors to add me, but that was definitely not going to be something I could count on to happen, especially with how impacted this school's budget is. Not only that, but I'm actually not allowed to enroll in anything I don't have to take to graduate, because of the budget cuts and the school trying to get people to graduate as fast as possible.

Plus... did I have housing? I didn't know. Nobody had the courtesy to tell me. They took my money and were completely silent about my housing situation except for emails about renting mini fridges. (No, I don't want a mini fridge, I just want to know if I got a school apartment or not, guys)

As you might imagine, I've been very stressed out about what I was going to do about my school situation for the past few weeks. I tried emailing and calling various people about what I could do, and none of them were helpful.

One of the calls went like this:
Me (calling general advising): Hi, I have a question... I couldn't enroll until very late, and all of the classes I need are completely filled up, so I was wondering if you know any ways I can salvage the situation?
Her: Oh, well, you should try talking to your major adviser to see if they know any classes you could take...
Me: Okay, well my major is psychology.
Her: Here's the number for the adviser: [number]
Me: Thanks!
[I dial the number]
Her: Hello, Sociology Department.
Me: Hi, I have a question... I was unable to enroll in classes until very late, so all the classes I need are completely filled up, but I just talked to a general adviser who gave me this number and told me I should talk to my major adviser about possible classes I could still take?
Her: Uh... we don't do advising until school starts.
Me: ......................Oh......................
Her: You could try talking to the director, she does advising. But you'd have to book an appointment and then you wouldn't get to see her for several weeks.
Me: ......Okay...... Well..... thanks....

One of the emails I sent got an auto-reply that said "I'm on vacation until September 21 and will not be answering any emails until then." (School started August 21, why are you on vacation until September???)

My dad was telling me I should still try to go to the school on the first day of class and see if I could convince some professors to add me. If I didn't have housing though, I was going to have to commute from home. I don't have a driver's license, so figuring out how that would work was added stress...

Anyway, we went down to the school and to the housing office, and the cashier there was like "oh, it says here you have an apartment. You should have gotten an email about that."

THANKS FOR EMAILING ME, GUYS. I REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

When I went to the registrar to say I wouldn't be attending the school this fall, the lady told me that I didn't really have to do anything but not enroll in classes... So, basically, since I couldn't get any classes to begin with, the school would've just dropped my admission status once school started.

After I got back from Hawaii, I remembered that this other school had been sending me emails about their undergrad program that they run through my community college (the school is a graduate school specializing in psychology, so they just rent out classrooms for the undergrad program). I applied to them and crossed my fingers, hoping that I wouldn't have to attend the school I originally planned to go to.

Instead of taking months to let me know if I had been admitted, they took a few days. And they were easy to contact and didn't make me want to kill everybody.

So I'm not dropping out of college, I'm just not going to the school I originally planned to go to. (I have so many angry things to say about that school)

The new school only let me know yesterday that I had been accepted, hence my uncertainty in my last post. If I didn't get accepted (I'm not sure how that would have happened, given my 3.98 GPA), I was planning to just find a job for the term and try applying to different schools in the meantime.

I think that about covers the situation. Those of you who read this wall of text, now you know what's up! :P

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Today I went to the school I was supposed to be transferring to this fall and filled out the paperwork for a refund from Housing and withdrew from enrollment.

It was one of the least stressful days I've had in the past week.

I'm not entirely sure what will happen though.

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