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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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Frickin' frackin' >:C
Sunday, November 3, 2013
So I'm doing a research paper on a social problem... We got to pick our own topics, and I picked fracking because I get emails about it from Sierra Club and the Center for Biological Diversity like every other day.

"There will be a lot of information on this!" I thought to myself.

In a way I was right, and in a way I was really, really wrong.

(For anybody who doesn't know, fracking, also known as hydrofracking and hydraulic fracturing, is a process in which millions of gallons of water mixed with chemicals and solids are pumped at a high pressure thousands of feet down into the ground in order to break up shale and release the gas or oil trapped there.)

Fracking is a hot topic in the environmental world, and its safety is highly debated... But there's not enough actual solid research on it. There are a few studies here and there (most of which I sadly don't have access to), but there is not a strong consensus any one way or the other.

As best I can figure, fracking has the potential to produce a lot of serious problems, but nobody can tell how likely things are to go wrong.

Now, oil and natural gas companies are choosing to go ahead with fracking anyway, despite a lack of research on its safety and long term effects. Their argument, as it always is, is that it creates jobs, reduces our dependence on foreign oil, etc... And they say it is safe.

Environmentalists say that fracking contaminates ground water and pollutes the air, destroys the habitats of animals, contributes to climate change, and of course keeps us dependent on fossil fuels-- domestic or not.

Personally I side with the environmental side, because as I see it, jobs come and go, and the economy will always fluctuate, but if we screw up the earth, there's no going back from that. The planet will probably recover on its own eventually, but we won't be around to see that if we really mess up. I do understand that a lot of people don't have the "luxury" of thinking about these things, because many are just barely scraping by and have to focus on their own survival, though.

Anyway I (re?)found this song today. I had heard it before, but I didn't realize these were the lyrics.

Also, Cee Lo Green's eyebrows make me think of Jafar.

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Flats + story
Monday, October 28, 2013
I made this password protected at first, but I have decided to make it public instead.

So I bought flats for the first time. There was a sale on zulily and the flats were only $26 and they were by Blowfish, that company that made my favorite shoes (my grey wedge sneaker thingies). And I've been really trying to stop shopping so much online, but I was horribly weak. So weakkkkkkkkkkkkk.

I guess I don't REALLY buy that much, compared to some people. But still.

At least I got my mom's approval. She didn't know what flats were when I asked if I should buy some, but I showed her the picture and she was like "Those are cute! You should get them!"

Tiny picture of them from the Blowfish site:

Also, a link to the story I wrote, since the only comment I got on the last entry showed interest.


I was kind of surprised to find that nobody else around me ever jokingly wonders if everybody got raptured when they come out of their room and nobody's around.

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Candy boxes
Saturday, October 26, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Saturday, October 19, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Was that a memory?
Tuesday, October 15, 2013
I think I had a dream that I was talking to an overweight girl in a really awkward and somewhat offensive way. Not on purpose, but like I just kept saying terrible things accidentally in my efforts to be supportive and friendly.

It was such an unexciting dream that I wasn't sure if it actually happened or not when I woke up. Basically I was talking to the girl about her weight loss and I said something like "I know this other girl who was 5'3 and 300 lbs, and when she lost weight, she had all this loose skin hanging around. You look like you probably don't have that though! Or maybe you won't, you're probably lucky. You're not as fat as her anyway, so I'm sure you'll be fine."

I am pretty sure I have never known anybody who was 5'3 and 300 lbs in real life, since that would be monstrously obese, so I'm hoping I didn't really have that conversation with someone.

On to something else. This is a really damn cute bird. What the hell.



I have been PMSing really bad the past few days. Sunday night I kept going between being really angry and critical and being really sad and wistful. My mood was shifting drastically every few minutes and it just... wasn't good. I told my boyfriend I thought I was PMSing and he said "Yeah, I can tell." I also got really mad at my mom for asking me to do something and yelled at her. -__- I was on the verge of yelling at her this morning too, but didn't. Girl problems, man.

A while ago I found my dad's old pictures from the 80s. He scanned the film, so the pictures were just on the computer. It was cool to see how things looked back then.

This might be from Oregon...

I love this bedspread.

I get the urge to take pictures of stuff like this too...

The negative for this one looks like it got damaged.

I don't care for Instagram, but actual old pictures have a neat look.

It's harder to get this kind of focus effect with a digital camera unless you have a really nice one.

I like to think of the past as being colored this way.

Fading around the edges...

I have some film to develop, but I don't know where it is... It's kind of a pain to find places to develop film now. If it were easier I would probably use my film camera more.

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Minor mishaps
Thursday, October 10, 2013
It's been kind of hard to type because my ring finger on my right hand is bandaged up right now. On.... Monday? I accidentally cut off a chunk of skin from my finger while I was trying to shave. :( I had to pick that chunk out from my razor to finish shaving.... (Too much info?)

Also earlier this week, I somehow managed to slam my boyfriend's car door into my ankle. He had to help me limp into my house after that.

I'm not sure if my coordination is just really bad this week or what, but I'm really hoping nothing else happens. I guess it could be worse though. A guy in my class flipped his bike last week and fractured something in his hand.

Count your blessings I suppose. -Shrug-

There was a dead little bird at school and I really wanted to touch it to see how soft it was, but that seemed like maybe a bad idea.

I never really watched Thomas the Tank Engine, and when I sat with a three year old watching it I could hardly believe how boring it was, but I like the theme song.

It does sound... vaguely sinister to me though.

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Equinoctial again
Sunday, October 6, 2013
So I'm thinking about that story again, "Equinoctial" by John Varley. I mentioned it like a year ago.

For anyone who doesn't remember (and I doubt most would), basically the gist of it is that there is a space traveler and her protective/nourishing companion thing that completely envelops her, and they're totally connected and in tune.

I was trying to think about why that appeals to me, beyond just "they're so close!" I mean, and I thought of my breakup with my ex.

That whole thing kind of shattered the way I viewed communication and connectedness. After we broke up and realized there had been so many misunderstandings I just felt like it was impossible for me to actually understand anybody anymore. Before then I felt like we were always on the same page, connected on some indescribable level. I don't know if I can feel that way again. No matter how close you are to someone, your experiences in life have been, are, and will be different, and not everything will mean the same thing to you. It's impossible to truly see the world through someone else's eyes without being them.

And this is a problem for me because when I really like someone and want to be close to them I want to know everything about them. Not in a weird stalker-y way, just like, "we're so close we know all this stuff about each other."

So, considering that, being totally connected to someone in the Parameter-Equinox way seems cool because there are no barriers to understanding. Equinox is directly plugged into Parameter's brain, and they're just drifting in space together. Equinox surrounds Parameter inside and out. There's no loss of information between them. That's the only way I can think of to achieve total understanding. Too bad it's not possible (or if it is, it's not going to happen anytime soon).

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Open mic
Friday, October 4, 2013
I went to my first open mic last night. There were some really talented people there, which was pretty cool. There were also the kind of people you might expect to see at an open mic. Which is to say... there were some people who were not excessively talented.

One of the guys who went up to play songs needed a brief intermission to tune his guitar, and during that time someone yelled out "tell some jokes!" So... he told jokes about Obama. Dick jokes. Before he played, he also asked if anybody was having an awful night, and said that most of his nights were awful when only one person raised their hand. I think he was joking, but I'm not 100% sure on that. He refused to play until more people said they were having an awful night.

My boyfriend helped me out this morning at the nursery. Here he is holding the biggest baby we have (the one who also screams like a demon child).

And here's a baby with some odd helmet(?) thing on.

We weren't sure what exactly it was for. At first we thought that maybe the mother was just overprotective because it was her first child, but when she came to pick her baby up she had a little boy with her, so...... I don't know.

Lastly, look what I got in the mail today!

Awwww yeahhhhh. If you can't read the subtitle, it says "My life inside The Room, the greatest bad movie ever made."


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