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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
New Year for the Chinese
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
Chinese New Year is coming and I still don't know what I'm going to do for this festival. My family never really celebrates it other than visiting some relatives in another state which we hated it so much. And we are finally so glad to death that our relative is no longer alive and so we don't have to go back there just to listen to stupid people's rant. And somehow looking back, I wonder why we are always so weak. Don't people get tired of always giving in? Rosa Parks said that herself that she is tired of giving in. Always. My family has a happy CNY whenever my father doesn't come back. I'm already past 24. And I seriously don't know what I want to do for CNY. I don't feel the atmosphere. I'm such a failure in collecting ang pau (red packet with money inside). I have relatives who are not even worth visiting. My friends will go back to their hometown.

Chinese New Year to me is just another day that resembles my off working day.

I feel so sad.

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Medusa in my head
Friday, January 29, 2010
No. Definitely no Medusa in my head except for the minions on her head. I have been dreaming of snakes recently. I think I have been dreaming of snakes like 3 times over the year. Last night I dreamed of a snake curling over my finger trying to bit me. It was baring its fang like it's going to sink its fang into my fingers but I was with someone. This lady quickly used a stick and get it off my finger. And then I don't know what's next. Something happened before that but I just can't remember. And then shortly after ... I just don't know what happened afterwards.

There's not much of info on dreams and snakes. Snakes symbolise fear, temptation, wisdom or healing. I was surprised to read "people who are dying or have lost love ones often dream of snakes, or near the time of death." Oops. But still the article I read doesn't help me in interpreting my dreams. Another article I have read states that there might be a problem that I may overlook consciously. But thinking it back now... I don't recall anything that worries me other than the same old worries of money.

The article said if the dreamer keeps on dreaming of snakes and could not find out why. Then I should try asking the snake. Ooh... if I know to open my mouth that is.

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Rain pool
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
I was walking home from the car with my mum towards our apartment unit. It was not raining yet but somehow I felt something above me dripping with water right in the middle of the road. I thought I was walking near to some balconies so I looked up. No. I was walking in a road that is far away from any units. So I looked at the ground and discovered that particular spot only was raining. Curious. I put out my hand within that spot and felt raining!! And then pull back my hand - no rain. And then again in that spot. And then pull back. No rain! So weird! Looked up again and saw that spot was clouded with some real dark clouds and other areas were not.

I found a wonderful discovery. =)

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Marriage is not about sex
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Marriage is not about sex, or is it?

I thought the curiosity to my gender has died down since no one has been telling me to get a boyfriend since my vocal teacher gave me a lectern a few weeks ago. Unfortunately I could not escape from a friend's scrutiny.

Again, I was asked about this boyfriend thing.

This time my friend asked from a different angle. He questioned would I be satisfied without having sex. Huh?! I hated this question but he has asked for my consent to discuss on adults topic. But still it's better to kill his curiosity before he keeps on probing me on our future midnight coffee break.

Well, I cannot lie that I never thought of that question but all the time it never strike me as a NEED, it is more of a WANT. And my friend said he salutes me for thinking that way or being able to flush out the sex thing out of my mind and being able to be an urban nun. Well, I just told him the truth because if a person never fantasies about sex, that person is abnormal indeed. And I'm not abnormal to that extent. And hey I like to watch Queer as Folk, ok?? The main male character in that series is HOT. Have not heard of this series??? Ooh.. if you dislike the topic of gay alone, don't bother to watch because it has explicit sex scenes between males. HAHA.

My friend was very curious to know why I don't have the desire to have my own children. Because to him, he feels it's a gift to be able to produce a living thing from a woman's womb. He would want to experience it if he's a woman. But why not me? I don't know. I can't answer this question myself. It might stem out from an incident 12 years ago and then not long after that incident I realised this world is overpopulated and this is straining the Earth. Thus leading me to deciding not to have own children, I decided to adopt. I remember debating over this stupid topic with the narrow minded classmates of mine. I wonder do they remember this! Again, to me pregnant or not is a WANT not a NEED. But I seriously don't mind donating my eggs. It would be interesting to see a child having my DNA and another person's. I wonder will the kid be as beautiful as me. HAHA.

A lecturer colleague reminded me that if I don't have a life partner, to be exact, sex I would end up like those grumpy old virgins in my surroundings like my auntie. HAHA. The scientific reason for this is ... sexual intercourse releases some kind of hormones in a person and this hormone makes the person happy. So no sex, less happiness in short. So my colleague reminded me I would be grumpy if I become an old spinster. Ugh...

So what if you have sex when you are not in a happy marriage? Sex might just one the contributors to happiness. I'm not trying to go against other people's beliefs but it's just this is my belief. And is my sexual life that interesting?

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Guilty Conscience
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
My workload is now overloaded with letters and appointments. 19 January 2010 was just another day with appointments and running to the photocopy room just to fax and scan letters for some high profile people. Later in the afternoon, my superiors and I attended an appointment with a non-profit organisation. And here were I rushing to that appointment and was so afraid of getting lost since one my superiors and I will make a second lost combo team to Jolenesiah and I together. But fortunately we didn't get lost. In fact, the place was quite easy to find until we got lost in the housing area. HAHA.

We reached our destination 5 minutes late because I mislead the driver to another lane. HAHA. But we were just awed by the premise of the NGO. It was just huge, clean and warm (as in welcoming). There was a dog at the entrance - non-identifiable dog type. My superior said "Such cute dog". But when I passed it, it produced the most ferocious bark for its size. Cute dog just don't fit that dog.

We had a fruitful discussion but not the end result. And the next minute we were back on the road heading back to our second home. And me ... asking my superior who was the driver too if I could go home now. And she was bewildered by that statement. She paused for awhile and then asked me "You sure?" I looked back and replied brazenly "Why not?" She paused again. She asked "You can overcome that?" I looked back with a puzzle look "Overcome what?" She answered "Your conscience."

I almost went "What's wrong with me going home?! It's on the way to my home!!!" But I have told her earlier that I would be working from home. So she said ok and dropped me at my doorstep. I was happy to be home because I don't want to come back with my usual rickety bus.

I turned on my laptop to start working. And I realised I was home by 4 pm. HAHAHAHA. No wonder my superior was startled with my request of going home!!! I could not help laughing at myself. Well, I didn't see the time before asking for permission to go home.

So... my bad. *grin*

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Insect market
Saturday, January 16, 2010
The flea market at Amcorp Mall today was boring. The sellers there were like selling things for the sake of selling. There were nothing much special except for a few. I stumbled upon a vintage accessories counter. And scrutinize each accessory. But the old couple were quite annoying. I asked for the age of the items. They replied they were more than 45 years old. Right. Next item, also the same answer. And the man said I'm one hell lot of a long winded person. Correct. Because I was trying to ask for the exact age. Not a rough age. It's so vague: all items here are more than 45 years old. I'm trying to look for vintage stuff to be sold online. Age does matter. So I continued looking at every item, and this auntie beside me kept on telling me "Which one do you like, I give you discount... You like the butterfly??? I give you special discount... Yea... you like the butterfly, right?' She asked me that question like every minute. She won't leave me alone. And I cannot tolerate my politeness, I shot back "You said I'm long winded, but you are much more long winded than me. Kept on asking me to buy." After hearing this, the auntie and uncle shut up.

The thing that prevented me from buying is the slight damage to the accessories. I spotted one accessory and it's quite cheap and it's pretty but one of the carvings were gone. I asked the uncle why is that so; he replied it's normal for vintage. I don't think it is normal if you have kept properly. I have seen some items over 20 year old, and they look brand new unless the photos lie to my eyes. But still worth looking through at these flea markets. Never know what gold I can dig.

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