My ego somewhat is brushed.

I attended a course offered by this trainer because so many people commented how good she is. Though I was offered the lowest price, I didn't sign up until it went up to third lowest price. In the class, I was not really thrilled but I did learn something and had a new found perspective. Thereafter we were all offered the lowest price of a new course the trainer is creating. After conversion into my country's currency, it's quite a lot given that I am trying to clear off my debts. So I decided not to pursue even though the course will go up 5 times than the offered price but still I didn't budge.

So now, it has gone up to USD597. People are buying up due to the excitement. And suddenly I got pissed. I think the best way to describe me is like I was at a shopping mall with 70% discount on Prada and I didn't even buy it due to my indecisiveness and now the discount is already over! I kept asking myself why this feeling emerged.... do I really need that course? Can I live without that course?

I think I can make do without that course though it will help me a lot but I want to clear off my neverending debt. But why the feeling? Maybe I feel like a jilted lover or being sensitive for not being asked by the trainer personally to get the course before it got raised.

So why the feeling? Because I just want to have attention. That's all.

Though the course may help me, I really need to reprioritise things.

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Hey it's Chinese New Year! But it's just another holiday for me. A relaxing one that is.

I spent a lot of energy to clean my room so I am relaxing my muscle now. Oh yea, that's also because I was sick for the past few days due to food poisoning. I am fine with diarrhea because it's free detox! I don't understand why people are so afraid of diarrhea. You can consider mum and I crazy for welcoming diarrhea. It saves a few bucks on our detox stuff.

So what else did I do the past few days? Catching up on my anime. I dropped some anime which I was watching half-way. I am usually the type of completing them even though I dislike but this time I was courageous enough to drop. No point of investing in stories that don't benefit me. Won't you agree?

I am surprise that this time I am calm mentally that I won't be able collectt any red packet this year. Inside the red packet is money. =)

I am losing friends at a rapid rate too. I think it's time to replenish too. I have friends who stopped greeting me too. The worse of all we are playing the game of if-you-greet-me-I-will-greet-you-too-if-not-nope. I hated that. So I decided not to make any moves. I will only greet people who I know will reply me too.

Besides, I don't like friends who admonished me with sentences that rubbed me in the wrong way especially in the name of concern. Simply because I fucking never said in the same way they did so I appreciate if I were not given the same method. I have been a good listener to people but not the other way round. Next time, I should be paid for lending my ear. Hey that Japanese guy who is doing this as business is earning lucratively!

I should do the same thing too.

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What if the devil is innocent?

Only the devil knows.

I won a lucky draw today but it was short-lived like 10 minutes. After taking photo of my lucky draw item which are vouchers, I put in my bag. The moved to lining up for food. When I returned to my seat, the vouchers were gone from my bag.

I don't think I dropped them. The vouchers are thick so there is no way my eyes would miss it if they dropped to the ground.

My bag is deep but I have overturned it and they are not there!

So who ate my vouchers?

I returned to my office with severe heartbroken.

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This is not the first time I am posting the same old thing but still I need to reflect, inflect this shitty stuff.

Again, the same fucking person said the same old thing and worse I got told off in the face that 'I was rude.' Ok. It was my fault for messing your car radio but I am actually fucking HURT. Well, I did apologise profusely.

This person had said so many fucking hurting words and I never once said RUDE. Yea. Why am I so stupid for not saying that in his face? I think that was why I was soooo angry with him today.

Yea... the fuck that he said whatever he wants and I can't? He is very conflicting with himself and I don't like it. I have been avoiding him for some time but I met up with him recently because he was introducing me something that helps me. But still, why the heck am I putting up with his shitty mouth?

Ugh. I wonder.

The other one would be another guy asking me to use my youth to seduce any guys that I want because youth is just once in a lifetime thing. I hated that. When a friend asked me to follow how my friend uses her charms to win the guy, I was absolutely mad. Whether that is true or not, I don't agree with such method. I don't really believe in seducing the guy. Maybe because I don't know how.

A fortune teller said my smile is very expensive. I don't smile often especially to strangers. A friend said before I am pretty and yet I don't smile. I often exude aloofness. That's me. I smile often to my own standard. I smile whenever I like la. WTH.

Ok. Both guys also I don't want to talk to. I just want to have peace for my ears.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Man. I ruined my last chance for the year to get to know a guy better whom I view as good looking. I said something darn to him which gave him a poor image of myself.

ARGHHH!!! Can I rectify that situation? No. It's too late. I said something that actually does not need an apology but .... what is done is done... I cannot eat my words back.

I feel awful now and that whole reel scene is really haunting me now.

All I could see him talking to my other friends so relaxing. Man. Awkward now.

Anyways, I feel that the intellectual gap between us won't make us close. Is it my excuse? Not really. That's the truth. He seems always so business-y. I heard he only talks to people who are beneficial to him. I don't know. I am neutral. I have no comment since I never experienced that.

We talked for a while until my last message was not replied. Perhaps, my message was not intellectually. Anyways, it's ok. I am used to it.

What's there not to be custom to it? When another friend is not talking to me anymore. Omg. I have had enough.

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