I can't meet
Losing sleep over this
No I can't
And now I cannot stop pacing
Give me a few hours
I'll have this all sorted out
If my mind would just stop racing

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

This is over my head
But underneath my feet
Cause by tomoroow morning I'll have this thing beat
And everything will be back to the way that it was
I wish that it was just that easy

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomoroow
I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream

Would you catch me if I fall out of what I fell in
Dont be surprised if I collapse down at your feet again
I don't want to run away from this
I know that I just don't need this

Cause I cannot stand still
I can be this unsturdy
This cannot be happening

Cause I'm waiting for tonight
Been waiting for tomorrow
And I'm somewhere in between
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real
Just a dream
What is real just a dream

- Lifehouse

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The glow of the computer screen protects me, shields me from the dark.

I know what waits there. I know who sees me...

I seek sanctuary from my mind, from my self, from my past, but the silence haunts me. Like shadows, I can't escape this solitude at night.
Every night.
I lay my head down and close my eyes and all I see are these beautiful lies.

But truth is too barbaric.
It hooks deep in my soul and keeps me dreams a sunder.

I cannot escape from myself.

I cannot go back.


All I see are past failures. They all sit there and stare. Knowing. Watching. Robyn. Paul. Their birthdays are soon. Tomorrow is church. Will I miss again? Can it even be considered missing when that is all one does? or does it become something else entirely? It's not as if I will ever be back again, be myself again. No. That door has closed. They tell me they don't open again. Tried it before. Just broke the house. No more door to open to nowhere.

I'm tired. Every day. But I wake early every morning for the world's a stage and I've cast my role and I must read my lines. The passion is gone. The stage is dark, but I must ever push on for the show must go on.

Where is the exit?

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