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Name: Emily
Age: 24
Locaton: Auburn, Ala.
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Thursday, October 19, 2006
Twenty-four 40 inch peacock tail feathers should arrive at my house sometime next week. Somehow I'm going to have to make them into a wearable tail... I'll work something out. And I have no idea what I'm going to do for the rest of my costume. The tail should be a pretty bold statement. If I don't fuck it up. I've never been good at crafty things. Maybe Edward will do it for me.

So Halloween is coming! I can't wait to eat some (a shit-ton of) candy. And I really hope we get some trick or treaters. I know there are some kids on my street, they'd better show up Tuesday.

You know what I hate? Skanky Halloween costumes. I just... cannot get on board with that. Especially the generic 40 dollar costumes I see every year. Oh, a busty cop, surprise surprise. Oooh, a sexy firewoman, never seen that before. Wow, a Playboy Bunny, how original! And I really hate what they've done to Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz. Wasn't she supposed to be a little kid or something?

It's been getting more and more difficult for me to update here. I'm just... completely unmotivated. I'm tired from school and stressed from being broke, bleh. I hate these boring, "here's a quick update on my life, it's not very interesting or well written but please, enjoy." Hate them.

UDATE - 10/20
My feathers came today! Surprisingly quick. Guess who's excited...

Me! I have no idea how I'm going to make these work.

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Friday, October 13, 2006
I've been super swamped with school so I really haven't had time to update.

Um, it's Friday the 13th, I'm a girl, I'm in college. Don't know what that means? That means I'm having a Friday the 13th party. Not big, like 10 people max (hopefully). But there'll be lots of beer and popcorn and shit horror movies. Like... Friday the 13th.

Since I'm totally slacking and don't want to leave you all with just that pathetic ass update I'm going to add one of the funnier lists from McSweeny's Book of Lists.


Things Koala Bears Would Say
by Timothy Weinmann


Love me!

Climbing trees is fun!

Let's volunteer at a soup kitchen for Christmas.

My tongue is funny!

Eating leaves is fun!

Will you help me think of something nice we can do for Grandma?

Look, a pouch!

Let's prevent a forest fire!

No, you're the cutest ever.

Camus is boring. I find Karl Jaspers's philosophy much more enlightening.


Let's make cider!

I bet I'll live forever!

Loves it. I had a hard time choosing between that list and Punch Lines That Would Only Seem Funny to You and the Guy You Just Spent the Last Ten Years With In a Pit

It's a classic.

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Tuesday, October 3, 2006
I haven't updated in a while. It's because I've been really boring lately and haven't wanted to sucker you guys into reading about it.

There's this bird that's been outside my window for the past month. Every morning at around 6 it starts this chirping... A godfuckingawful super high pitched, short CHIP! CHIP! CHIP!

Over and over and over and over. I don't know what kind of bird it is. A devil bird? A mocking bird? You can't kill those. Can you? Oh, I know what it is. It's Fucking Dead When I Get My Hands On It. That's what it is. Yesterday I threw an empty beer bottle at it (we seem to have lots of those lying around the yard) and that shut it up for about 8 and a half minutes. Just long enough for me to drift into sweet, sweet sleep, but not long enough for me to go completely under. I hate you bird.

I hate you.

That's about as interesting as I get today. I've got a bunch of homework to do. So, I'm going to take a nap.

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*War Machine*
Monday, September 25, 2006
On Friday I went to Roosters to see War Machine.

The bartender told me he was going to light me on fire. And he meant it: "I don't want to see you up here again. I'll light you on fire if I have to run your card twice."

So sorry I didn't start a tab you dick. I just wanted one beer. I should have cut him. Or stabbed him with a shank.

Other than that, the show was tons of fun.

Pictures! Please click:

The mustachioed fellow is my sisters boyfriend/War Machine's bass player. I don't actually have any band pictures but I know some were taken so as soon as I get my hands on them they will be added.

That's it.

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Sunday, September 24, 2006
I'd like to know how girls living in Alabama have developed an 80s, valley girl accent. I'm not fucking kidding, they sound ridiculous.

I wish I had some kind of sample... All I can think of off the top of my head is what I heard not long ago at a Pita Pit.

"Um, could you like, make sure the like, meat doesn't touch the veggies? If that happens I'll just die. And could I get some like, extra feta for my pita?"

That's what was said. It sounded like, "Um, could you laaahk, make sure thah laaahk, meat *long fucking pause* doesn't touch tha veggieees? If thah happens ah'll jus' dah. Aaaand could ah get some lahk, extra faytaaaaa for mah pitaaaa?"

My friend was working and his head exploded, it was so sad.

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*I'm dying*
Friday, September 22, 2006
I feel like somebody is stabbing me with a tiny knife. Inside my stomach.

It started yesterday after I ate some toast with peanut butter. I thought maybe it just wasn't enough to eat and I was having some hunger pains so I ate a package of Ramen noodles but... that only made it worse. As did Maalox.

So I drank Sprite and ate crackers like my mom would have told me to and that didn't help either. So I went to bed. I missed Spanish and Intercultural Communications today because I can't fucking stand up, it hurts!


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