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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
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A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
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Blue Milk Special
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dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
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Eat That Toast!
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
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Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
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Two Guys and Guy

Wilde Life
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Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
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A Fine Example
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Green Wake
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Letters to a Wild Boar
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Meat and Plastic
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Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Change of dress plans
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
I feel like the other dress I got is not very flattering, so I might just wear my old prom dress to the gala instead. Not much else to do with it! I still don't have shoes though...

School was pretty uneventful today. I talked to my stats prof's current TA about the TA position he offered me for next year. It seems like a decent gig. I could get my name on a published study! That would be exciting. (And good for grad school applications)

My school friends want to have a picnic tomorrow, so I'm going to bring some sandwiches. We got pane rustico from Trader Joe's, so I think I'll just put like, fresh mozzarella, spring greens, cucumber slices, and Boursin on it. Pretty safe combo, I think.

I think that for the first time in my life, I kind of actively want a boyfriend. All the other times I either didn't really want one and it happened anyway, or I was just passively open to the idea. I don't know how to find people I want to date, though. I'm still just trying to figure out what I even want...

Felt good today, no particular reason.

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Nnnnnnno dice
Tuesday, April 8, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

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Now it's in my head...
Monday, April 7, 2014
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Monday, April 7, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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A little shorter and slightly different [2P]
Saturday, April 5, 2014
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Now all I want to do is sleep
Friday, April 4, 2014

It's been a long day. Took care of babies from 9:15 to 11:50 this morning, then had lunch with my dad. I told him it was hard to have a partner who was always negative but expects you to be positive and happy. My now-ex used to get angry at the smallest things and he would rant and get upset and I had to try to calm him down. My dad told me that once, in the summer after he graduated high school (in the 70s), he went on a date with a certain girl for the first time, and he accidentally forgot the tickets to the show they were going to. He got very upset and was freaking out, but she was calm about it and reasonable and told him to just turn the car around and they'd go back and get the tickets. "She was like you," he said.

Then he told me that in 1986 his brother told him that she had gotten married a year earlier. My dad was happy for her, because he had long since gotten over her. Then, his brother told him, six months later, she got a gun and shot herself.

My dad doesn't know why she did it. Something must have been wrong with the marriage, he thinks, but he never got to ask her family or anyone.


I answered my first calls on the crisis hotline today. I had some really tough ones... but I think I got through them okay. The first call I answered involved suicide. So... that was interesting. The girl I was shadowing was really nice and friendly. I liked her a lot.

After my shift, my parents picked me up and we went to dinner at a nearby Italian restaurant. My dad was worried it was going to be a fancy restaurant, but it was actually really casual, kind of like an Olive Garden. My mom wanted to eat a bunch of pasta to carb load for the bike race she's doing tomorrow. I think she said it was 62 miles long. She actually didn't eat that much pasta, though. Neither did I, I guess. I haven't been eating a whole lot lately in general. Mostly just sleeping or staring at the computer screen.


Tomorrow night I'm supposed to go out with some friends from class for a girls' night. I think we're going to a gay bar so we can dance and not get hit on.

I guess my good thing for today is that I got to have a nice dinner out with my parents and a nice lunch with my dad. I don't know if I can really say those things made me happy, but they were good.

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I'll start with the good things
Thursday, April 3, 2014
I made a new friend in a chatroom. And Kyle is out of the hospital.

Nothing else good happened today.

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Not sure what to say for today
Wednesday, April 2, 2014
I guess my good thing for today is that my mom bought me some cheese straws from the grocery store.


I'm worried he might become an alcoholic. It just sounds like he isn't coping very well with things and he doesn't really have friends he can turn to. I'm frustrated that I can't do anything. He doesn't want me in his life anymore (or at least right now...), and there isn't a whole lot I can do indirectly. :\ People keep telling me I shouldn't care so much but like... Just because I broke up with someone doesn't mean I totally stop caring with them. As upset as I was with Kyle when we broke up in 2010, I was still very concerned for him when he had to go to the hospital, and just in general because Crohn's is a lifelong disease. Why would it be any different with someone else?

Lucy is trying to help and I'm glad for that. Jasper is... eh... I don't know what he's doing. I don't think he really knows how to help.


Motto-type things (Life reminders):
-Nothing lasts forever (This too shall pass)
-The best revenge is to live a happy life (Whoever hurt you has no power over you)
-It could always be/get worse (Have perspective)

I'm not really fond of posting this kind of "inspirational" "this helps me, try it out" stuff, but I think keeping these things in mind has been helpful to me. I feel like I have become much more... resilient to bad things in the past few years, in some ways. I don't know if it has to do with being smart or having a very deep but subtle sense of optimism, or what. I don't really know where these motto-type things came from. The last one is kind of just around, but I'm not sure where I picked up the other ones, if I got them from somewhere else. Maybe I just realized them at some point?

With the revenge one, I feel like... if someone does something to intentionally hurt you, the best thing you can do is show them that they are inconsequential to you and their actions are meaningless. Obviously that doesn't apply to someone who like, murders your family or something, but within the realm of realistic/likely things, I think it applies to most of the things where people want to get revenge. Like... it's just better to put your energy into doing things that make you feel better than to spend time plotting how to get back at someone. That just makes them important and increases their power over you. And anyway it hurts people more to feel like they're meaningless and powerless. So I'm not completely saying "ignore them and be happy!" If they're bad people they'll feel bad, and if they're good people then they'll just be happy for you, I think. I don't know how well this would apply to other people's lives but I guess within the scope of my own experience it usually works out pretty well.

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