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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
100 facts about me
Saturday, August 14, 2010
Ugh. I hate this challenge from Nuttz

1. I chose renaye as my nick because it is another alternative name to my English name: Renee.

2.I was born in the South of Malaysia and grew up in the North of Malaysia and studied at the end of the world and now back for good in the middle of Malaysia.

3. I'm hitting 25 year old by next month.

4. I have a very young looking appearance. Many people think I'm still student but to some people they think I have an extreme old appearance.

5. I can live without internet and facebooking.

6. Only ate durian flesh once but love eating durian mooncake, shake and ice cream.

7. I'm a semi-retired otaku but if you mention Naruto in front of me .. I will go crazy. So please don't ever give me spoilers. I can really go crazy anytime anywhere.

8. I have never played computer games like those CS for more than 2 weeks and 10 times.

9. I have 6th sense. I sometimes can see the future, and now I can dream of it but I cannot predict lotto numbers. Damn it. It only happened once back in college. But I can get guidance through my 6th sense. Sometimes I'm hinted of danger and things that are coming to but I always brush it off. HAHA. I take that for granted.

10. I'm not good with mathematical questions but if I practice damn hard under the guidance of a good teacher, my skills can 'prosper'. My skills always got thwarted whenever the good teacher went away ...

11. I always fear of exam because I never get good grades back in high school. And I always got 'tortured' for not getting good grades and position in class since primary school. I have exam phobia. But I had excellent grades in college.

12. I have trauma of living as a human being, and it is giving me trauma now ...

13. I really fall in love with reading after reading LJ Smith's Blackdawn. I cried while reading that book. It's my treasure.

14. I have a lot of interest and would like to try everything but often I have no FOCUS. This made me often wonder how those leonardo da vinci can become a scientist, artist and what not.

15. I hate people telling me 'DON'T KNOW.'

16. I don't like men who try to dominate and control women.

17. I don't like to see people eat and sleep at home especially waiting just to die and try to control people. To me, this kind of people should just die instantly. Don't waste the limited resources on this earth.

18. I hate people who make themselves weak and powerless including myself.

19. I don't believe in love and marriages because I came from a broken family who never taught me that values.

20. I live for myself.

21. I'm into Japanese music scene.

22. I listen to Japanese songs everyday.

23. I like freebies.

24. I want to publish a novel, but I have not come with an idea.

25. I want to publish a manga, but I can't draw so I just come up with writing the plot.

26. I want to do a lot of things and often pray to God that I will have enough time to everything I want to do in this lifetime.

27. I have to continuous tell myself I'm an intelligent person.

28. I'm very money minded.

29. I like to eat and sleep and have fun everyday.

30. I love cats but somehow cats hate me.

31. I'm ok with dogs but dogs love to come to me.

32. I would like to disappear to thin air one day.

33. My birthday indicates that I will not have zero money in my bank account no matter how broke I am. I find this is true... money appears whenever I need it. And recently, I got extra XXX in my bank account without knowing who deposited it. HA.

34. I don't have a favourite colour so I will go with any colours that make me look good.

35. I'm a brown belt level in karate. I actually not supposed to get this level because I forgotten one stance during exam time. Every student who was taking the exam went gag when they saw me skipping one part but ended the stance nicely as though nothing happened. I looked around and saw my friends jittering like monkeys and they kept on showing some punches and I just gave them a blank look. Some gave me an amen look. And later, the sensei announced that I passed. HAHAHA.

36. I dream to be a CEO of a company because I think I'm a better leader than the ones I know.

37. I like baking especially brownies.

38. I never liked coffee drinks until I went to study abroad and got influenced by the lifestyle there. I used to walked pass the little cafe and enjoyed the sight of people sipping their coffees by the roadside... And I joined them with my little book. =)

39. I can make flat white coffee.

40. I have done the flying fox, which was extremely fun!!!

41. I'm living in a unit that has the unlucky number of the Western and Chinese.

42. I have no favourite movies nor series. I like them as long as they don't have stupid plots especially love triangle.

43. My favourite soft drink is Vanilla Coke.

44. I want to change the world.

45 - 100. I can change the world.....

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Crossroad meowing
Thursday, August 5, 2010
I want to continue masters. And my friend has found me a supervisor for my masters. And yet I don't know what topic I want to do. The chief concern is I want to study something that I feel comfortable in because specialising in a field is like marrying a person for life. And I definitely want to do something that is close to my heart. I don't really remember my aspiration for environment. I only know I wanted to be in the environmental field especially going into jungle and such. But after studying environment in college, I realised staying in the jungle without showering for a day haunts me. So I decided not to go into the conservation work on the field. That's also because I feel everything is controlled by the policymakers or rather politicians.

I was chanting to God this morning and I had hints on covering sustainable development. And I felt like I really can have the same title as my degree thesis in comparing public participation in developing and developed nations. It's really a broad area so I really need to do a lot of homework.

I also felt that I have to study 3 things to arrive at my path. I don't know. I just feel that way. But at the moment, I just need to pray to God - like there's no tomorrow - so I won't take the wrong turn in life.

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Meow back!
Sunday, August 1, 2010
This is one of the longest time I didn't update my blog. Yes I know!

I was dead tired for the past few days so I didn't go online at night. I slept early or read a chic-lit called The Unfortunates Miss Fortunes but after finished reading the book I'm not too sure who IS the unfortunate one. HAHA.

And then I went yumcha with a friend until 3 am. I guess it's always wise to talk to someone older than ourself; I got some wisdom pieces from this friend though I had to wake up at 7.30 am for work the next day.

On 30 July, I had a hair cut. It was very short and my fringe is like a Chinese doll. Well, for some people, I might be called "tempurung" (coconut shell in Malay). Because my hair really looks like it!

And the next day, I joined my students to volunteer at a fundraising event. I had fun because all I did was EAT and made fun of my students! Nice!! Then I had dinner with students and played monopoly with them. Made me feel young again. Bonus nice!

And today meet up with Jolene in KLCC over a cup of coffee with her internet friend. And there I go again as a fortune teller. I so need the masters course so I can earn money from my fortune telling.

Watch out for more meowing!

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Ad hoc
Friday, July 23, 2010
Today was so ad hoc. I had lunch with two ex-collegemates and then I was supposed to go to the old city to get something from the pharmacy but my friends had plan to visit Royal Selangor because one of them is from Taiwan. And so I joined them to the factory and then my friend invited me to his house for dinner! Aha! Good on me!

When we went to the house, I was shocked that they eat so little for dinner. Now I'm pretty scared to tell people that my meals are like comprised of 2 people's share. Oops. I guess I better keep this as a secret.

But I really enjoyed my day today. Coz I never know when I would have the chance again to have such leisure time with friends... And I'm thankful that I had a great day today ...

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Meow watcher
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Stupid cat. Scare the shit out of me on 18 July 2010 at 11 pm.

I came out from the bathroom and saw a shadow staring at me at my house entrance. The house door was open too. The shadow didn't move and it was looking at me calmly. And I was shocked and scared so I shouted at my mum "Mummy, what's that???!!!while pointing to the shadow. My mum who was engrossed watching the Korean drama jumped up from her seat and looked where I was pointing. Then I realised it was my neighbour's cat sitting gently at the corner of my door. And I ran to it. I actually wanted to pat the cat!! But instead I frightened the cat and it ran back to the house. I missed my chance to pat!!!!

Well, the cat is extremely snobbish. It won't come near you and acts like a real princess. The owner makes it worse that no one is allowed to carry the cat. So my mum and I were shocked to see the princess came over to the house and watched us in silence.

That cat must be enjoying herself watching us in silence. That princess.

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Future payment
Saturday, July 17, 2010
I chatted with a long lost friend from France. I didn't know she is having depression and now attending psychiatrist sessions. She recommended me to take Prozac since I'm also in sort of depression. But I'm just afraid I will be addicted to it. Ha!

Anyways, she was telling me to go and relax and find happiness in every small thing I do or just do silly things like walking on the white lines on the road - of course I have to watch out for cars and python... don't know why recently the firemen here have been catching a lot of pythons. And etc.

To be frank, I do do things to relax myself like spending time over a book at Starbucks or some cafe in the mall before heading home. But I want a permanent relaxation even at home. Home is a place where you can rest, but if your home doesn't have that comfy ambience, you won't want to go home. Instead, it will be a dreadful task to just go home. I feel that way when my father is around. I just don't want to go home. The cheery feeling I have turns into a dreadful anxiety and teary. I can hear myself screaming.

But that's not the main topic for this entry. I was just thinking of money and happiness. To find happiness in small things ... makes me think which option is better (or not).

a) Save up the money for bigger activity like traveling and spend none on 'luxuries' like going to Starbuck or have a fine dining meal once in a while.

b) Every now and then spend on luxury items like Coffee Bean coffee and at the same time save up the money.

c) Just spend it all or save it up all for retirement. No fun activities whatsoever.

I was thinking hard over this because option a and b seems so impossible in Malaysia. Everything here has gone up in prices especially necessity items - sugar price has just gone up from RM 0.60 to over RM 1.00 per kg (correct me if I'm wrong) - and our salary has not risen in years. Workers in McDonald are earning like RM4.50 per hour. Even fresh grad is earning like RM1800 per month. Is that enough? No. It is not.

If you get to save for your traveling activities, then you won't get to save for your retirement. It's an opportunity cost and neither is relieving at all. Because our purchasing power has shrunk, the money we save for retirement may not even be enough despite having a mandatory retirement fund: EPF. The EPF money seems to be a lot in a pool but once spending it ... it's just so insufficient unless you stay in rural areas and give up on all luxuries. It would be best to camp in a forest to enjoy the nature luxury if there is any forest still left when we retired.

This is heartbreaking. This is a torn in between situation. Do you just give up your luxuries for your future knowing it's not a guarantee that you will have a better future?

I find this very heartbreaking. And oh, I'm doing option b. I don't see why I can't enjoy life NOW when I work damn hard to earn the money and yes I still save. But recently I have been spending quite a lot on items I know I should not indulge. But as I said, why save all when you don't allow yourself to enjoy at the very moment? Because it is not every time you have a moment like this to enjoy life.

My investment manager is so gonna scream at me if she reads this post because she simply doesn't agree but I'm better than her daughter in spending wisely. At least I learn financial matters on my own when the daughter doesn't even need to worry about money when her parents are already millionaires.

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