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Memores acti prudentes futuri

You're unsure if I am a loose end or a strand
that waits for you to mend or understand
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
~ D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
~ Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
~ Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories-- if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
~ The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
~ Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita

"It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend."
~ William Blake
Online Radio

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Blue Milk Special
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Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
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Legend of Bill
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Love Me Nice
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Passive Aggressive Notes
Gonna make some cupcakes~
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Becka won the election for class president of our whole program (which includes three other cohorts I think?) so I'm going to bake some cupcakes to bring tomorrow!

I was going to do chocolate but then Vicky and Alex thought that yellow with chocolate frosting might be better, so I'll do that instead. Wish they'd announced the winners last night instead of this morning so that I could have brought some cupcakes to school today instead. Oh well.

I'm excited to start baking. :)

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Music and movies [3P]
Tuesday, June 10, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Tan lines >_> [3P]
Monday, June 9, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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This music... [Ask]
Thursday, June 5, 2014
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Upcoming plans
Wednesday, June 4, 2014
Next weekend my classmates and I are going to go to Santa Cruz to have a beach day. I'm looking forward to it. :) We might go to the Boardwalk as well. (Fingers crossed)

I haven't gone to the Boardwalk in what feels like forever and I'd really like to. I want to go on my favorite rides and see if there are any new games in the big arcade... And hang out with my friends of course.

In other news, this guy from my high school messaged me on OKC and didn't know who I was. I think he's been stoned for most, if not all, of this conversation. It's... weird. I finally mentioned that we went to the same school and he got all weirded out. He types in a way that makes him sound really dumb but he keeps insisting he's a huge nerd and that he was "king of the unpopular kids" etc. because he played video games instead of sports. Since I know what our high school was like I find that pretty amusing. I think it was more common to be a nerd than anything else at our school...

It sounds like he had a really difficult time in high school because of the pressure to perform. Apparently he was a C student, which would've been... pretty embarrassing at my high school. I think he might also have been homeless for awhile, but it sounds like he lives with his parents now. This is kind of sad. I didn't like high school much either but at least I wasn't struggling.

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And so forth
Monday, June 2, 2014
Well, I'm not worried about the thing from the last entry anymore, but now I'm worried about my ex again. -__-

I got mad at him for canceling the therapy appointment I made him sign up for. I want so badly for him to get help and feel better, but it kind of feels like he just won't make the effort. I'm not going to go over there again and force him to make another appointment. If he doesn't want to get help I can't make him.

Still, it's frustrating. Very frustrating. I care about him but it often feels like he doesn't want to feel better. I'm sure people have felt that way about me before. I know that sometimes all you can do for a person is be there to listen and support them. It's hard to do that with him though because he wants to talk about me, and well... yeah. It gets awkward. I don't know what to tell him a lot of the time. I want him to know I care about him and I want him to be happy, but when he says he loves me and misses me I can't say those things back to him. I don't want to give him the wrong impression.

I tried to eat more today but I don't know if I succeeded. I think I still had under 1000 calories. :\ I've lost four pounds in the past week and I'm starting to feel really concerned about it. As much as I like the idea of being 110 lbs, I don't think this is the right way to be that weight...

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Explore, learn, reduce uncertainty
Sunday, June 1, 2014
Trying to figure out how to internally handle an unfamiliar situation.

Not sure how to proceed, or if I can proceed even. Maybe nothing is different. Maybe everything is different. It's hard to tell.

I feel a little like throwing up, but not as much as I did earlier.

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Friday happenings
Friday, May 30, 2014
I took Romeo to the vet today to get an implant. We're hoping that this will make it so that I don't have to take him to so many appointments to get shots. They were so nice to me that they gave us the implant for free. Normally it would have cost a couple hundred dollars.

The whole appointment was free, actually. I don't even know how to describe my gratitude. Maybe I should bring a gift to them the next time I go?

Tonight I went to a show with Fro. Her favorite band was playing at the SLG Art Boutiki, so we went to check them out. Four bands were playing, and Picture Atlantic (her favorite) was playing third. The first two bands were... okay... Not really my thing. Picture Atlantic was pretty good though. We didn't bother staying for the fourth band, Curious Quail. They took FOREVER to set up and neither of us were particularly interested in hearing them.

After the show we went to find something to drink. The only thing open was Starbucks, so I got a strawberry smoothie and Frosan got a green tea latte. The smoothie was... kinda weird tasting. I'm not sure what they put in it but it tasted kind of like a light strawberry milkshake. I told her about the goings on in my life and she told me about this new guy she's been talking to. She really likes him, but he's a bit younger than she'd prefer, I guess. I wanted to see what he looked like, but unfortunately she didn't have a picture. I hope she shows me eventually. :3 It's so fun to hear about this stuff.

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