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Chaos Theory?
Tuesday. 5.25.10 7:47 am
I started out trying to let go... but now I can't because someone else has gone and blew my rationalisations away.

I mean, what am I supposed to do? Usually there is a cause and an effect that it just seemed so right although it seems so utterly random at the same time? I guess this is the chaos theory?

So now there is like 25 vs 1 and me.. I have no idea what to do.

Apparently the supper last month was the first step... and I totally didn't see anything. I put it under... because he made me OT on my last day... and so my friend said she's so gonna strangle me for it. Yes, I like to tell half and not tell the other half just in case he found his way here! T.T And yes, this is my lesser known blog and yet I'm still afraid!

What am I to do? Should I go with my best girl friend (who thinks that he doesn't like me) or my best guy friend (who thinks that he does like me) and this other friend I just talked to earlier.

I want to bang my head against the wall and get this done and over with. I guess this is the reason I need to start the work that I don't want to do.

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Thursday. 4.15.10 4:55 am
Dear god,

OMG... this week is like a super duper bad luck week! I swear, god.... wtf are u doing up there??!!! am i not going through enough now that you have to dump this stupid mother fucking ridiculously disgusting, immature, perverted, gung-ho, guy with the fucking mentality like guys in the 50s on me? Really??? Can't u send me that awesomely awesome guy that aint so far away?? I so much rather that awesome guy who aint so far away... i rather die than getting together with someone who is like another replica of the many useless men in my life. is that too much to ask??? for an awesome guy who isnt like those useless men? and it's not like i can choose to be homosexual. yes, that's right, i rather be a homo than like men who are completely and utterly USELESSS!

Btw, if you tell me being a privacy invader, making disgusting sounds, being rude and pretending to be all superior are the characteristics of "being hit on", you seriously have to go get yourself a new fucking brain, after you shoot yourself in the head!

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Itching for a Fight
Thursday. 4.8.10 9:47 pm
I'm itching for a fight right now... because of the amount of anger and frustration in me which was definitely caused by a certain someone whom has chosen not to show her face around the internet.

It's really, really hard to keep it in, especially when I'm around those who are close to me but I don't want them to be the sacrificial lambs because it is totally not their fault. I don't know if this anger and frustration is causing me to be so dehydrated this week. It really don't seem right because no matter how many gallons of water I drink, my lips are still cracking and my throat feels dry really often.

And the best part about this anger and resentment is that the other party is so awesome at instilling guilt-conscience, as if it is never her fault since she is in denial all the time. Seriously.. what does getting a mistress has to do with a person being uselesS?

Right now, I'd really love to get into random arguments or maybe a street fight.. hahaa yea.. a streat fight.. sounds awesomely fun.

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Playing with fire..
Saturday. 10.24.09 4:51 am
... and it sort of just got out of hand...

OMG! I wish I can tell and ask for an opinion but I'm afraid of someone finding out what I want to be kept under wraps.

I wish my close friends are not busy doing assignments right now T.T

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Monday. 10.19.09 5:16 am
Im in sort of a big mess right now cause I am so god damn confused!!!

What should I do???

OMG I'm hating games..

Actually... why the hell should I confuse myself when I feel perfectly fine?
Oh right.. other people... fuck.

I'm never teasing someone again. Actually, people shouldn't tease when they have no idea what is actually going on..

Scrape that.. Psychology students should stop experimenting on people for fun.

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Saturday. 10.17.09 9:12 am
If my some of classmates didn't say anything, I would've been fine now, being able to accomplish what I need to do with ease but now, I'm feeling things that I am rather unprepared to feel and being home alone doesn't help at all. I don't like the thoughts running through my head.

Why should did they decide to tease me?
Why did they have to say that?
Why won't they apply "not making things more awkward than it is right now" to me too?

Thanks to them, I'm being very aware of what might be happening to me and I don't know what I should do, how I should feel and I am totally lost on how to stop it.

OMG! I hate pretending that everything's fine.

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