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Speak to My Finger
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Splitting hair
Tuesday. 10.25.16 11:32 am
The only thing I wanna do now is not to do anything except to sleep and rest and not to see anyone.

I need a break. I need a spiritual break.

I keep feeling stupid whenever people don't reply my questions. I don't know why I am feeling like this.

I am given a task to write a press release. Being rusty, I just write whatever I can. It was not that great but better than nothing.. and my copywriter friend complaint that I didn't accept his offer when he wanted to teach me writing. At that time, I wanna learn so many things that I just did naturally what others have been telling me to do: FOCUS. Ok. I focus on others and I have been told off?

I am seeing another person who wanna teach me something but I somewhat turn down because I seriously am tired and don't have the capacity of energy to absorb the knowledge. I bet he will again criticise my choices.

What the fuck man. Give me a break.

All I feel now is my current job is a waste of my time. And everyday I just feel like getting out of there.

And I don't have anyone to share with this. I am so fucking tired.

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Friday. 10.21.16 5:22 am
I received a long lecture from a friend about my complaint that friends are not talking to me anymore. His points are

1. I am too straightforward that my words hurt others.
2. My sense of humour is very mismatch. People don't get it.
3. I asked questions like a hawk that people don't like.
4. People here dislike my western oriented educated character.

These words hurt me very painfully.

He asked me to reflect on myself why friends of more than 5 years have ceased talking to me anymore. Or any amount of years. He wanted to me say the problem lies within myself. I do agree that we ourselves sometimes is the cause of the problems.

I knew somewhat myself has been not myself as of this year. Been overworked and underappreciated for coming 10 years has really taken a toll on me. Especially this year. So much of lending my ears n eyes to others that I myself have no where to express such concerns. Do they even appreciate me for being there for them?

I have been trying to be myself and yet I have been told that from the view of art of communication is not somethig allowed. I have to learn how others speak and then talk like them. Have I not known that? Yes, I know but I don't like the topic. Seriously. It is a waste of my time.

And then I realise perhaps people stop communicating with me perhaps

1. They have moved on.
2. They don't like me.

If the latter please don't ever come to me for help neither to listen to your sufferings. No. I am a tired person. I have enough.

So if they don't like me, why do I even want to spend time with them? No wonder people say pets are the best companions. They don't judge maybe because they need a sheltered life.

Yes, I can find new batch of friends but I am not really solving the problem. But what else can I do? I have lived a life that is merely following others and it does not work.

If like this, most of my friends should be deleted from my list.

He also said people would want to get near me because of the resources that I have. Yea, that is also the reason why friends have also stopped talking to me. I agree. Again, please don't find me back. I am very tired in this human shell.

If what I said is true and you cannot accept it isn't it your problem? I can change my straightforwardness whatsoever but the truth is the truth. How do you want to change the truth?

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Untangle Chuck
Tuesday. 10.18.16 9:07 pm
I am totally surprised that Chuck can sing so well!!! His voice is nice!!! I like this duet. So soothing.

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It's October
Sunday. 10.2.16 10:46 am
It's been a long time I didn't update the blog.

I remember to update but it's just I have a lot of things personal that I cannot share. One of the things I perhaps can talk about is something repetitive. Anyways let's talk about something new.

I went to a nature retreat for the weekend for some training. The place is horrible. There was no shower room. The toilet cubicles have no lock. The chalet's door was broken. There was no light in the room. The stand lamp was covered with cob web. The roof was leaking and it leaked onto my roomie's pillow. There was a satin cloth hanging on the ceiling but it was torn so badly that it can just come down on us any time. The carpet was dirty. My feet was itchy. The pillow was horrible. The blanket was like not white. The cutlery was just left out in the nature with lots of dust.

It was dirty over whole.

I brought my own bed sheet so I was lucky. So how did I shower? I shower in the river. Some parents really don't know how to teach kids. They let their kids dunk into the river which extremely irritated me on the other end trying to shampoo my body.

I would never ever return to that chalet.

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Long time ago
Wednesday. 9.21.16 7:57 am
I suddenly remember how bad I failed at a voice over casting like 9 years ago.

I don't understand the character at all. I was immature and I just tried my luck. I forgotten my role was a cicada. But I didn't know what was cicada until I watched some anime.. Then I finally knew cicada makes high pitch tunes. But then it was too late.

But then I made friends with other failures too. HAHA. I am still keeping in touch with one of them. I have lost touched with the other who is a celebrity. I think he didn't go online on FB anymore.

I was thinking of going casting again and see where it will take me to.

It's time to have different experience in life!

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Happy Purrday!
Monday, September 19, 2016
Well it was my birthday yesterday and I was down with flu and slight cough.

But still I persisted with my feeling of dying to rest because I was matchmaking my friends on my birthday. I hope they will have a happy ending.

Why did not I match make myself? Because I never feel insecure being with myself. It would be great to have a life partner but I shall not compromise on the quality that I am looking for.

And yes a handsome guy from those anime/manga would be great but I know how to differentiate fantasy and reality. And no I don't chase after a fantasy love. Nor do I encourage anyone doing so because we live in the present. Nor do I want to 'joke' about a person's love life in a joking style because it's obviously does not sound a joke. That's a form of sabotage. Especially when the 'HAHA' is added. No. 1+1=2. Try rotating the 1s is still the same...

I can't get a life partner because I have too high standard? Ok, people should have thought whether they have previous relationships or not. If yes, why did the first relationship ended? Did not these people have high standard too? If 'simple' standard, should have had settled as in married within the first few days of the start of the relationship right?

Too subjective.

Anyways, I am happy being myself! Happy birthday to myself!!

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