Wednesday. 10.20.10 1:22 am
I miss it. I don't feel the same.
I feel as though a giant chunk of who I am is rotting in a ditch somewhere.
I never thought I would feel like this about this. I mean, I just kinda fell into it...
I guess Shakespeare was right; Some DO have greatness thrust on to them.
I was so alone. Out of touch. I didn't know what friendships were or living life.
Or so I thought...
Turns out, I had more of that then than I do now.
I related to Wolverine in that. And now I understand him more so now because of this. That devotion, unbreakable loyality. Nothing has ever and will ever mean as much to him as being a part of the X-Men, being part of Xavier's school.
But I feel so scarred. So jaded.
I should have seen it coming. I threw myself entirely into this. Why didn't I see it coming? It was never the same after him.
I just saw him on facebook. And it still stung. Over a year and a half has come and gone... And still. I feel it. That knife. That penetrating wound. I want to fix it. I want to talk to him. But I worry all I'll be doing is jiggling around that knife.
How could this happen?
Was I really that bad of a youth leader?
How could I be so blind to the one I held closest to my heart, to myself.
He was my brother. True and true.
I guess blood does run thicker than water...
Saturday. 10.2.10 11:47 am
My question is, how would you feel if Osama Bin Laden or another taliban leader, years down the road, apologized for 9/11?
I mean, seriously. What would you do? How would you feel about that? What if it wasn't years later, but now?
I've discovered the key to the flawed American mindset:
Why is it that every time something wrong happens, American's assume they can just apologize and make it all better?
I used to think my mom was just being biased or prejudiced. Now I realize that at least on this, she was right.
We've got to learn that simply saying "I'm sorry" fixes nothing.
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