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the beginning (a simple seed) ~the classic crime
i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table, it will be locked
til i get home

i'm growing feeble and tired of the world
tired of constantly missing my girl
and i long to smell the sea

the sea...
the sea-yeah

i miss the Pacific Ocean
and the northwestern air
and run each of my fingers
through the strands of her hair

ive been over this country lately
but i've been nowhere it seems, nowhere

but ive found the cure to my landlocked blues
its coming home to you

you

if a simple seed
gets just what it needs
then a redwood tree can grow
up to a hundred feet
and endure the sleet and the snow

but if my whole life
was wrapped and priced
i wonder what the tag would show
cuz everytime im close to the holy ghost
i let her go

i let her go...

i left my heart in a plastic box
on the bedside table
it will be locked, til i get home
calendario


April 2021

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quotes i'd like to save...
-=How happy is the blameless Vestal's lot! The world forgetting, by the world forgot. Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind! Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd=- ~Alexander Pope

-=ur the sunshine after the rain, the tylenol to my pain=-~me

-='I'll love you till the ocean
Is folded and hung up to dry=- ~ W.H. Auden

-=live ur life, make ur heaven=- ~me reflecting upon stuff i learned at yfc

-=life isnt measured by the breaths u take, but moreso the number of breaths u take away=-~meggyo's profile
*untitled....or is it?*
Saturday. 1.8.05 7:14:41 am
*nod*...*smile*....mm. meghan and i are officially back together... 2:39:30pm on january 7th.. give er take a second or two..hehe....i wanted to jot down something.. i had just arrived from hershey...and i called meghan. n we discussed a variety of things... one of which was... how we were going to regard the four months we were together. we had kinda like mentioned during the day, just like references to the 4 months like...'kinda like that time..'....and so..we talked about it...and came to the conclusion that...we love eachother now...for different reasons...and yes we did had fun in those 4 months...but those 4 months aren't why we feel the way we do about eachother now...it was nice to clear things up like that...cuz it was something that was going to come up again and again if we didnt clear it up...and..then i came up with an interesting analogy... with meghan and i...if a problem or issue was symbolized by like a puzzle piece... the puzzle piece when we first encounter it is very complicated, jagged edged, hard to work with. but the way she and i talk...and work things out..we turn those puzzle pieces into nicely shaped...manageable pieces to be worked into the puzzle of life......

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ultimate survey for the ultimate day of 2004
Friday. 12.31.04 7:00:38 pm
1. What did you do in 2004 that you'd never done before?
start a new life.
2. Did you keep your new year’s resolution and will you make more for next year?
didnt really make one
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
uh....no. *shrug*
4. Did anyone close to you die?
the denison g'ma
5. What countries did you visit?
uh...none
6. What would you like to have in 2005 that you lacked in 2004?
the drive to be a better person
7. What dates from 2004 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
desi's birthday...
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
starting anew
9. What was your biggest failure?
Lying
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
actually, no. i dont think i was sick this whole year...although the injury of falling on my head on the ice rink would constitute as an injury i guess
11. What was the best thing you bought? my glow in the dark xtreme gulp...gas for me n mike's drive to pennsylvania
12. Whose behavior merited celebration?
umm....i'd hafta say..meghan's. *nod*. yup.
13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?
my own
14. Where did most of your money go?
the bills
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
the drive to PA with mike
16. What song will always remind you of 2004?
who i am hates who i've been (( the song thats playing on this site))
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? happier
b) thinner or fatter? probably thinner by like ounces. seriously
c) richer or poorer? a little richer i think.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
being truthful
19. What do you wish you’d done less of?
lying
20. How did you spend your Christmas?
sleeping through the family opening the presents.
21. Did you fall in love in 2004?
I’d say so.
22. How many one-night stands?
zero
23. What was your favorite TV program?
the simpsons
24. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
i dont hate anyone.
25. What was the best book you read?
uhh...in 04 i only read one book. and i think it was.... 'joy luck club' by amy tan
26. What was your greatest musical discovery?
'amandas poem about unicorns' my favorite song.
27. What did you want and get?
I wanted to resolve things with some people, and we have. I wanted friends who never gave up on me and they are still here. I wanted someone who I could share everything with and I did. I wanted to be happy and I think I am.
28. What did you want and not get?
i wanted....blissful ignorance. and i guess i'm glad i didnt get it.
29. What was your favorite film of this year?
definitely garden state...but the incredibles was a distant 2nd
30. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
i turned 19 this past summer...and..wow. i was in california..and...i spent it with friends there...and got 'boba' drinks...wow...it was cold. i remember that much.
31.What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
nothing
32. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2004?
'this looks decently nice, n if u dont think so.... meh'
33. What kept you sane?
meghan meghan banana-fana- fo feghannnnn
34. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
haha..theres this girl on filipino tv that i have a crush on...her names kate abad. *shrug* fancy shmancy
35. What political issue stirred you the most?
gay marriage was probably the most discussed one for me
36. Who did you miss?
my family n a few friends in california....and meghan. garsh she lives way over there.
37. Who was the best new person you met?
the only real new person i met would be joe. so...yeah i guess hes cool
38. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2004:
If u are faced with an easy way out and a hard way ALWAYS choose the hard way or else you’ll pay for it down the road, anyone can tell you what to do but you have to learn for yourself...

39. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
im sorry for..the person i've became...
im sorry that...it took me so long to change
im ready to..to make sure i never become that way again

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why do i tell everyone ELSE's stories?
Sunday. 12.26.04 11:37:05 pm
i can't sleep...at 5 i got a call asking if i wanted to go to a movie....saw meet the fockers....which was good...but alas. this is not what i really want to blog about. afterwards...we hung out outside of the movies....and...wow..its difficult to just put it into words now.. clint announced that someone should just take action as to where we should go/what we should do, he suggested a diner, i suggested honey bee, and said 123 break, and bam. off to the races. *sigh* getting things moving seems to be something i'm kinda good at.....for other people. its not remotely a fantastically profound ability, but *shrug* i dunno. so we get to the diner...and everyone just kinda sits...some tell their stories.....n janine gets mentioned....n i'm caught yet again...telling other people's stories. not just mikes, i think another 2 ppl....yeah. n i just thought 'im such a leech'...i looked back on a lot of the festivities ive had the people i was sitting at the diner with...n i felt like i was just a...like a...viewer. a bystander.. when i hung out at adrian's house, i didnt contribute to any of the fun, n he said 'u dont have to contribute to the fun to be a friend'.... well damn. i guess i never really contribute to ANYTHING...but am i useless? not quite. i kinda get things rolling. now i want to get things rolling for myself. im gonna live out some stories of my own..but i cant do that alone. what kinda stories have just one character? can anyone think of a story about me that they can tell? something i should be proud about? i could use a shot of optimism right about now..this wave of pessimism will subside.. i should drink coffee more often.

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it finally feels like christmas
Friday. 12.24.04 1:37:03 pm
wow. i'm home. i had left for pennsylvania thursday afternoon. mike came along. wow....what a feat. through the pouring rain....we got to hershey. tidal waves kicked up by trucks going the opposite direction n all. in hershey... i introduced meghan/mike...we enjoyed some coffee...funny conversations.....it was very refreshing just kicking back..sipping on some coffee...laughing it up...dinner came around....n mike had been gracefully allowed to stay for dinner. wow....what else....after a fantastic pasta dinner...humorous disneyworld/airplane stories...farewells/much needed-long overdue hugs were exchanged... n we headed out to see janine in philly. through the ridiculous traffic patterns...we struggled to the final destination of her house...introductions....funny songs....old conversations....large bold fonts.....the comedy of dane cook..and then sleep. good times...janine is very cool. the drive back....why is it....that the exits on 95 south go as follows: 14.....13...12........10....9.....8...7...6...5...4..3...2....1... ELEVEN?????????????????? and of course the exit we were looking for was 11. so...we attempt to turn around thinking we overshot the exit. and we figure we couldnt have missed it, and we should just follow 95 south. and we pass up 1 and bam it shows 11. soooooooo horrible. philadelphia's traffic patterns dont make ANY KIND OF SENSE to me, and i doubt they would make sense to very many other ppl. SO................yes. although. the cool thing was...mike and i just made a great road trip team. his logic+my logic = sanity. haha..and it was pretty difficult to stay sane for some parts of the trip. but the similarity in our way of thinking...the similarity kept us on the same page, following direction wise. but once the directions were hard to follow, we were on our own. and thats when our differences in logic came out. where i lacked in logic, he picked up, and maybe even vice versa. i kept my cool driving...he kept the facts straight navigation wise. it was a great experience. it was fun, and adventurous....i'm tired. need food. fragmented sentences rock....jiggada jiggada jung.

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kinda funny how early it is
Wednesday. 12.22.04 7:31:05 am
i woke up yesterday at 1:30 in the afternoon, and today i'm waking up at 7:30. thats pretty humorous i'd say. anyway...hmph. i wonder what i'm gonna do today.. bleh, but yesterday! wow. like i said, woke up at 1:30pm...got online...matt/mike came over and then i drove us to best buy. i got a cd/tape converter. haha it sounds so ghetto, but i keep thinking...'so what, my cd's have 200 songs on em'...haha *shrug*...guffawblammo so yeah....after the ridiculous line at best buy, we headed back to mikes house. but oh man. when we arrived at best buy, i pulled into a parking spot, and there was a can of beer on the spot dividing line!! haha..it was on my passenger side, n mike saw it as we were pulling in cuz he had shotgun. SO we get outta the car and mike actually picks it up n is like 'whop want a beer matt!?' hahaha and freaking it turns out to be a completely unopened-cold bud light. it was ridiculous. mike referred to it as 'a homeless person's dream' hehe.. so mike put it back on the ground, cuz we're all too straight edge to drink. so anywayy...we get back and it looked like the can of beer had been shaken up and busted. so...eh we left and went back to mikes. there the three (wow those words look a lot alike ' there the three ') of us just kinda played video games/poker/ping pong for the rest of the day..and then i got summoned to hang out with adrian and his crew. and it really is 'adrian and his crew' cuz like...they dont really know me..n i dont really know them. its always kinda just been knowing offfff eachother. so yeah....i drove out to adrian's house, and then we all sat around. they all talked about inside jokes....drunken experiences....and other miscellaneous stuff. i prolly said like 10 words the whole like 2.5 hours i was there. prolly the one topic i really wanted to say something about was... a third gender? and who's the 'more evil' of the two existing genders. i think the third gender concept was kinda stupid. but the 'more evil' jazz is all stereotyping. everyone's different. and everyone has different perspectives of everyone else. they may have been playing around er whatever, n werent very serious, but i guess i've got a mildly existentialist point of view on the differences between genders, if not just everyone in general. hm. 'reflection' *inside joke* silly adrian...*sigh*. speaking of stereotyping

..i love me some:


"and i...contrived some sort of a plan, to help my fellow man
lets get emotional girls to all wear mood rings
so we'll be tipped off- to when theyre ticked off
cuz we'll know just what theyre thinkin....

...

if its drama u want, then look no further
theyre like the real world, meets the real world, meets days of our lives."

-'mood rings' ~relient k



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a shining bit of hope
Saturday. 12.18.04 9:25:16 am
well then. i got to talk to a few folks..who read this journal.... n if ur reading this now...thanks. thanks fer talking me through it...thanks fer being there..

just the lasting presence of my friends....and just my potential. i guess i overlooked these things yesterday....*sigh* more sins to put on the list. i'm sorry for doubting you, my awesome friends. and i'm sorry i was drenched in pessimism yesterday....



i'll beat this starting now

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the number is lesser in value..and easier to swallow
~'would you like something to drink'
if your stomach feels weak, then my work here is done
~'the words "best friend" become redefined'
if theres no one beside you when your soul embarks, i'll follow you into the dark
~'i'll follow you into the dark'
i'll be floating out at sea, waiting for periscopes to spot my warm body
~'no ace, just you'
this is the part where i'll admit i'm getting what i deserve
~'lost and found'
lets sleep tonight on a bed of nails, so that every other night doesn't seem so painful after all
~'beter than sex'
if it were up to me, you're gone, i've been dying to get it into you somehow
~'histrionics'
hours pass, and she still counts the minutes that i am not there, i swear i didn't mean for it to feel like this
~'bruised'
wanna fuck up my life?-i'll let you.
~'knotes'
this is the rhythm i was signing to the beat of my feat as i walked away
~'i fought the broad (and the broad won)'
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
if i could, i'd only want to make you smile
~'make you smile'
the past is only the future with the lights on
~'baby, come on'
morning always comes too quick when you're around..
~'still breathing'
i beg not to escape permeating my pores, whetting my appetite for more
~'amanda's poem about unicorns '
ur stomach's filled up but ur starved for conversation
~'soco amaretto lime'
love me gently with a chainsaw
~'tie her down'
smiles and her laughter, its the only thing that ive been waiting for
~'emily'
so many high points on this last leg, i cant wait to recount them- it seems like nothings happened until ive shared them with you
~'shirts and gloves'
ur lips, ur eyelashes- ur skin, these are the parts of ur body that cause my comatose to begin
~'all hail the heartbreaker'

lets start out-by starting over... ~'lovers and liars'

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