I FINISHED THE GROUP PROJECT AGH FINALLY

I rewrote everybody else's part (roughly ten pages), but at least it's done.

I better get a goddamn A on this project.

Anyway my happy thing for today is that I'm done. I'm DONE.

Before this I didn't really have a happy thing and all I was going to say was that I ate some olives and they tasted good.

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Well, I finished MY part for this group project. But none of my group members are done with theirs, and it's almost 11 PM and the project is due tomorrow. :(

But I finished my part, so that's my good thing for today. :T

Once everybody is done... whenever that is... I'm going to edit their parts and write an abstract for our paper and email it to our professor.

After that, my break will truly start. I'm so, so, so, SO done with this quarter. I just want to be able to play games and hang out with people and maybe wallow in depression a little bit.

I had a dream this morning but I only remember parts of it because my parents knocked on my door to ask me if I wanted biscuits.

In it, I was at a big amusement park of some sort, running away from somebody bad... there was someone with me whom I cared about, but I don't know who it was. I think it was just a dream person, not someone I know in real life... I suggested we run toward the section of the park that bordered the ocean, and headed in that direction. I guess my companion didn't follow me, because when I got there I was alone. I didn't have much time, so I quickly climbed down a rock outcropping and hid on a secret ledge just above the water. The bad people showed up shortly after and couldn't find me. Once the coast was clear I edged around the ledge in an attempt to get back up and go somewhere else, but all the handholds I had been using dislodged when I grabbed them. They were bigger rocks only held together by some rough wet sand and pebbles, and they couldn't support the weight of my attempts to hoist myself back up. The rock had all been solid when I climbed down... I did manage to get back to the top though, only to discover that my companion had abandoned me. Not only that, but he had never actually been on my side, I realized. He was just pretending to help me and run with me and was working for the bad people...

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Sooo... that entry was lost.

I will try to quickly rewrite it.

This was pretty much the only thing that made me smile today:


But I also found this and thought it was beautiful.


I think I am feeling "depressed" to some degree but I'm only using that term because it makes sense to other people.

Me: I don't even know how to describe my emotions right now
Me: Well, in any meaningful way at least.
Me: It's sort of like I'm lying on a bed in a cheap motel room and everybody outside is dead.
Kyle: that is one of the most depressing images i've had. [heard?]

Um, I need to finish my last assignment but I'm feeling bleh again.

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I took my last final today. It was pretty easy, I thought. The prof accidentally repeated a few of the questions, so they were pretty much free double points.

Also, I finished the ten page paper for that class that I've been putting off. That's my happy thing for today. It's a gigantic relief to be done with it. I had a really hard time writing it and left myself five pages to do today, but they actually went by really quickly.

Now I just have to do a three page introduction to a stats paper and I'm all done for this quarter... I'm really looking forward to spring break, even though I don't know what I'll be doing. I kind of want to go to the mall, but I don't have money to spend and I don't know who I could go with anyway.

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Today one of my classmates gave me flowers from her garden to try to cheer me up. It was a really sweet gesture.

I can't say I was actually happy at any point today, but it felt good to be around people who care about me and include me.

I've been thinking about something that the girl who talked to me for a long time yesterday said. She told me that she thought I was very intelligent, but not just in a book smart way. Like, I make connections I guess, and understand things? She wasn't sure how to describe it at first, but settled on the term "wise." She also said that I seemed to just know a lot of different things, and that she didn't know any guys who could match me on that level.

There are certain compliments that really stick with me over time, and that was one of them. I've admired and thought the world of other people before, but to my knowledge nobody has felt that way about me. It feels really nice to know something thinks highly of me in a meaningful way.

Bonus good thing: I didn't cry today! At all! Wow!

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In the timid darkness tonight
Soaking up moonlight
Are all your roses in the Nordic countries
Soaking up moonlight forever
Now life is a dream
Atlas of fears
Soaking up moonlight
Soaking up moonlight
Soaking up moonlight
Labored with her colors and sound
I値l arrest your love
See all my echoes of a supernova
I値l arrest your love forever
Now life is a dream
Atlas of fears
I値l arrest your love
I値l arrest your love
I値l arrest your love
What do you see when you close your eyes
The beautiful disappearing truth
My recovered memories of the current landscape
Soaking up the moonlight in the Nordic countries

---

Almost two and a half years, gone just like that...

I think it was the right thing to do, but that doesn't make it any easier.

brb going to go hibernate in sadness for the next thousand years

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