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Speak to My Finger
Books I have completed reading since January 2021:

1. The Enchanted - Rene Denfield
Killing again
Sunday, January 9, 2011
I know I'm very vocal, but I also hope that I won't scare people away with my outspoken character. But I think I speak my mind at the right time and the right place. Hopefully. *cross fingers*

Early this morning, a primary friend asked me to meet up with him next week since he will be in the city for some business appointments. I didn't accept or decline. I replied instead "How can you guarantee you will show up this time?" Well, I think I don't have to explain much what happened the last time we set up an appointment.

Then his reply was "Oh, I will show up this time." It was not convincing at all. So I repeated that he didn't show up at our appointment at 7 pm. His reply was the dumbest: "Oh, you look mad. I will make up to you."

I didn't think twice before blowing up in his face via Facebook chat. I told him that I cannot trust his words because he didn't show up for our appointment. For the first appointment, I waited at his hotel lobby for one hour, and he didn't show up. The funny thing was he told me he was staying at that hotel, but when I checked with the receptionist I was told there was no such guest on that day or even before that. Strange, but I kept on waiting, and kept calling his mobile phone every 5 minutes. I was pretty mad by the half hour of waiting, but I can't blame him because I decided to meet up at a restaurant that is surrounded by jam in the evening. (HAHA, but it's just next to the hotel he 'was' staying). Until the end of my stoic waiting of one hour, I finally able to get him, and he told me his car broke down somewhere at his relatives house (and waiting for the mechanic), and his phone battery died. Hearing his predicament, I didn't blame him and canceled the appointment. But I thought he could have inform me somehow...

What made me distrust him is because of our second appointment. I remembered very clearly that I reminded him in the morning of our appointment. He said he remembered and was looking forward to our appointment. And so I was at our appointment venue, which was downtown city at 7 pm. 30 minutes before 7, I called his mobile phone repeatedly, but he didn't answer. Then I recalled he will be meeting some supplier before meeting me, so I stopped calling, but I text-ed him. And received no reply. I prayed that this time he will show up earlier. I kept calling him but he didn't answer though there was a dial tone. Of course, his-not-showing-up-in-previous-appointment kept flashing in my brain, but I kept it down by consoling myself that I trust him. I sensed something amiss after waiting until 7.30 pm. I called up his hotel and asked for his name. The receptionist told me he has checked out. My eyes bulged. And I kept telling myself that he may be coming over from his relative house somewhere in KL. And so I kept telling myself that he is on the way... I think I called up the hotel again, and I don't remember what I asked the hotel staff, but all I knew was he has returned to Penang. Or maybe my intuition told me that. But fuzzily, I remembered making a few calls to the hotel and asking questions about the guest.

YEA, he made an appointment with me on the day he returned to his house in Penang. Not after our appointment, but BEFORE. Knowing this, I was so livid that I could just swallow people around me.

Never mind that. He didn't even bother to explain about his disappearance when he was online on Facebook. He didn't even reply messages about that appointment, as though it never happened.

And he now wants to make another appointment with me? Is he kidding me? I have thought of making it and not showing up. I actually joked with another friend that he changed his mind meeting up with me because I was not pretty enough, because the last time I saw him was in a major shopping mall with a beautiful girl with makeup. And I weren't. But seriously, this is not related at all.

I told him about the whole event of our second appointment from how I found out he has checked out from the hotel to how he never explained why he never showed up for the second appointment.

I told him straight into the face that as a businessman it would be very easy to understand that time = money. By not showing up, he wasted my time and money. I added if he thinks his time is precious, my time is as precious as his. And it's useless to make up to me, because I want result. (Of course, I won't see the result since I decided not to meet up)

To close my speech, I asked "So tell me how can you guarantee you will show up this time?"

He went offline. HA!

To be frank, I don't even want to meet up with this kind of people. I may sound cruel or not giving chance or even not understanding, but there's a technology called mobile phone, which enables us to contact other people not to keep in the museum or as an expired Christmas present for a grandchild. It's just so rude not to inform whether you can attend the appointment or not.

I dislike irresponsible people. Is it so hard to explain why you can't come? If you got no handphone, can use email right? Or snail mail right? Or leave a message on facebook. Is that so hard? Well, if you got none of the following, then please learn telepathy.

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Pictures = betrayal
Monday, January 3, 2011
There is one thing I dislike about facebook is the photo album division. Funny. I don't have any problems in uploading photos whatsoever. On the contrary, I don't like certain photos uploaded by my friends on facebook. Simply because I can see - from the photos - whether I'm invited to gatherings and events or not.

On one occasion, a friend I got to know back in college came back to Kuala Lumpur for Christmas holiday. She is actually one of the staff in my college, who took care of the Malaysian students when were still 'kids'. So we have quite a close relationship with her. And apparently, one of my collegemates organised a dinner gathering with this staff with other collegemates in a shopping mall. I was angry when I saw the picture taken during their dinner on facebook. Simply because I was not in the photo.

Wait ... wait .... hang on. Listen to my explanation. What I mean is how come I'm not invited to have dinner with that staff? I'm also quite close to her. But the good question is if I'm close to her, how come I don't have her contact? But the other collegemates in the photo also don't have her contact. What is your point, renaye?

Fine. I know I was not invited to a previous gathering for one of my collegemates who was returning to Malaysia from Japan for good. In the photo, every collegemate I know attended the gathering, even my good collegemate friend who is always 'missing' in life was there! All except for me. I was kind of furious, but I let it passed because I had a fight with that collegemate who came back from Japan.

And just now ... my collegemate uploaded a photo of her New Year gathering on facebook. It's a no big deal, but all collegemates were in the photo except for me?! And I didn't even know about it? After checking out the photos, I raced to my mailbox to check if I received any invitation, but none. And the title of the photo album made me sick (or sad): New Year gathering with my (college name) gang. Right. I mis-deciphered. The title can be interpreted as 'her gang from my college' not everyone in particular.

So? My point is? I seriously don't know. I just thought it's just not nice to invite everyone from my college and leaving me out. Am I hurt? hmm.. just mediocre. HAHA.

But there was one point it saddened me to see every collegemate in a photo except for my face. I felt a little hurt when I went through the New Year gathering album on facebook, but my subconscious mind told me: I also had my share of fun. To be frank, I did have my share of fun. I'm always meeting new people and adding new people on facebook, and my friends uploaded photos of me on facebook. In the photos, I was smiling with them.

So what more can I ask for? God has given me opportunities to make new memories with new people. I have wonderful memories with my collegemates, but life just goes on. I now have friends who think alike as me. What more can I ask for?

And if their photos saddened me, there's also a possibility of them feeling sad or mediocre after seeing my photos on facebook.

In short, I also have had my share of fun. And will always have ...

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New Year
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Happy New Year!!
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Well, whatever the chinese animal is for the next year, I would still greet new year with my meowing!


I'm going to celebrate New Year with Jolene in the downtown of KL.

Don't miss us. Have a great celebration!

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Merry merrily
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Happy boxing day! Hope you readers get lots of presents!

Christmas day went by like any other days. I was invited to a Christmas lunch over at a friend's house, but I was contemplating because I was lazy to take a cab and pay for the cab to her house. But in the end, I went for the lunch. It was a cozy house, and there was a cat in the house! Unfortunately, I didn't get to pat the cat. How excruciating sad I was! I had two rounds of food, and I chatted with my friend's invited guests who were sitting beside me. There was an elderly man sitting opposite me chatting with my friend's uncle. From what I heard, they have known each other for ages since the elderly man was telling me how the uncle and he used to cycle from one end to the other and their life during college. So I asked politely if he is a collegemate of the uncle, he said he wasn't but the collegemate of my friend's father who passed away many years ago. I smiled in reply.

Looking at the elderly Chinese uncle sitting in front of me reinforces in me that life is not only about getting success and money but also making memories every minute with people you meet.

I met up a week after my supernatural encounter (from previous entry) with a friend I knew from my youth camp in Melaka. We hang out in his home-made recording studio by just talking about music and books. Well, it was unbelievable that he reads books on heavy topics like .... religion ... scientific ... (you name it). In fact, he has a collection of them. Who ever thought a quite guy like him reads this kind of book? We just chatted about our interests, and later he said he hopes I'm OK with the outing in his house since we were just chatting ... and I didn't get to do anything great in his house. (Well, actually I wanted to say if I could record my singing with his expensive mike, but I didn't. Maybe I should. Next time.) I don't remember what I replied, but I remember my heart saying "I'm here to spend time with friends to create memories."

I never thought of spending time with people when I was younger. All I thought was staying at home to be a hermit; well it's because I want to save money; I was also quite calculative in thinking of the advantages and disadvantages of going out with certain friends, and of course I still do, but less rigid.

I don't remember when it dawns on me that I should be making memories, but it makes me keep looking forward to another day. It rouses my curiosity of the future, which makes me now more spontaneous in outing. I remember going to the Royal Selangor Pewter House with my friend who was bringing his foreign girlfriend. It was a spontaneous decision. I was having lunch with them and I was surprised hearing myself asking them if I could join them to go to the pewter factory. I'm never known for making decisions on the spot for I need to know the outing details in and out. Before I say yes, I will make a list of pros and cons, which I often say no in the end since the cons outweight the pros. In short, I'm a planner. I don't do things without a plan.

Looking back, I'm not sure if I'm happy with the change in me. I have lowered my level of perfectionism, reduced my strength in overthinking-ness, and become more spontaneous in accepting friend's invitation. I'm not sure where and how far I can go with these changes in me, but I'm certain I'm on the road of creating more meaningful memories. It doesn't matter whether I will remember them. What matters most is now. That I remember it Now.

Remembering how the Chinese uncle solemnly said he was the collegemate of my friend's father aches me somehow. I could detect his cheerfulness slid a little into a grave expression when he said "I was the father's collegemate" to me.

How does it feel when you see your friends leaving you one after another? I can't really say much about this since I have not experience it myself. But I now can say confidently to myself that I have created memories with that person.

This is one of the things I mean by don't live a regretful life.

However, I'm certain I will be able to create more memories with friends and family.

So happy new year, by the way! Keep on creating new memories, ya!

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I follow you home~
Friday, December 17, 2010
I had some supernatural encounters when I volunteered at the youth camp in Melaka.

I reached at the hotel later than the other participants since I followed the head facilitator in his own car. We had lunch with the others and then proceeded with the first session, which was a discussion in one of the meeting board rooms on level 2. Nothing happened so far...

Then I went to the ladies. At the entrance of the toilet, the little voice inside me told "there's something in there." I could feel the hair standing on my back, but ss usual, I did not heed that voice and told myself sternly "nothing is in there" despite feeling something not right. I was ready to see something when I stepped in but nothing happened?

Later, my roomie and I checked out our hotel room. I usually knock on the door and say "I'm coming in" just to let whoever inside there to leave the room, but I didn't do it because I don't want to frighten my roomie. So everything was still normal ...

Until ... in the night ...

At 4 am, the room became stuffy, and I took off the jacket, and went back to sleep. This sleep was followed by 6 repeated nightmares within 2 hours.

The first dream was absolutely weird. I took some kimchi from someone for a friend (but I don't remember who) and apparently I have to return the kimchi but I didn't know and so there were two ladies came to me and asked for the kimchi. I could only see their legs and feet, because I was in a sleeping position. I think I replied I will return some time... And then I woke up... feeling weird ... though I won't categorise the ladies as spirit, but it was not pleasant. Never mind. I returned to sleep. And it was the same dream!!!! The ladies came back to ask for the kimchi, and I said I don't have and they told me to return it by end of this week. I said I will and sent myself running around asking for kimchi. I remembered the ladies flew away ... I woke up ... again ... feeling unpleasant. Though I know this is not a normal dream, but I told myself it's ok ... no big deal.

And so I went back to sleep. It was another dream. This time the setting was my hotel room. I could see the legs standing beside the small side table of my bed. He was reading my book resting on the table. I knew what I was dreaming, and I knew this kind of dreams often occurred due to my slowness in breathing, which I would just say it's sleep paralysis, so I breathed in more oxygen. And I woke up. I looked at my roomie, she was sleeping soundly. Yikes~ I looked around and tried not to fall back asleep, but I did.

And then this time, it was the same setting and the same guy. This time I could see him flipping through the book, and he looked like my colleague, and he was like talking to me, but I found the whole dream eerie, so I began to take the pillow under my right elbow and tried to shoo him away, but the pillow never reached him, and I started calling out for my roomie, but she never heard.... Then I woke up... feeling eerie ... And tried to go back to sleep.

I turned on the lights for awhile and the switched them off because I was feeling so eerie ... and then I fell asleep ...

This time, again, the setting of the dream, was my room. But it was lighted. I was seating on the sofa opposite a girl... I don't remember who ... but we were talking on something. She said ask her while pointing to someone else ... and when I looked at the direction I heard laughter... eerie laughter. I shot up and turned on the lights, and let it run for a while. I saw my roomie stirring in her bed, so I turn it off again.

And I dreamed again! I don't remember it but it was equally eerie, and so I just turned on the lights until I could see the sun rising...

Then I received a morning call at 7 am... I was grateful in a way, but I was already too freak out to return to sleep.

I told my roomie about my nightmares and she felt the room was alright. But I didn't. In the afternoon, I freaked her out again. We were sitting on the bed edges, and I was playing with my book or something like that. And then I saw a black shadow running across the dustbin and below the table, and so I went round the dustbin and table to look for the shadow. I thought it was an insect. And I asked my roomie if she saw what I saw... She just freaked out.

That night, I don't want to return the room, because I still felt not right in the room. And so I hang out at my neighbour's room till 12.30 am...

The next night ... I still felt not right til I can't think right. I wanted to turn on the tv to create some noise in the room, but I can't turn on the TV! And I could predict I would see someone standing behind me on the tv glass. To avoid that, I quickly ran from one corner of the room to the tv and I just don't know why I can't turn on the tv! So I grabbed a friend to turn on the tv for me. I didn't tell her the reason, but she knew why because my roomie has been telling other participants about my encounters. And so this friend was also quite frightened. Yea, she was more frightened, because she mistook my roomie as a ghost when she was standing outside of the door when she open the door. HAHA. Both screamed top of their lungs.

I don't have any nightmares that night, but I was still feeling scared. A friend of mine wanted to see how my room looked like just because of this incident. Funny...

The next night .. I got fed up and I could not wait for my roomie to come back so I could sleep in peace. So I just turned on all the lights in the hotel, and my roomie turned off some when she came back.

I realised something must have followed me back to the room. It came from that toilet I spoke off earlier.

Recently, I found out the event coordinator also experienced something like me! And she also felt something followed her from that toilet too!

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