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Memores acti prudentes futuri


She said it was all make believe
but I thought she said maple leaves
A few words
"When we describe the Moon as dead, we are describing the deadness in ourselves. When we find space so hideously void, we are describing our own unbearable emptiness."
―D.H. Lawrence

"Is the meaning of life defined by its duration? Or does life have a purpose so large that it doesn't have to be prolonged at any cost to preserve its meaning?"

"Living is not good, but living well. The wise man, therefore, lives as well as he should, not as long as he can... He will always think of life in terms of quality not quantity... Dying early or late is of no relevance, dying well or ill is... even if it is true that while there is life there is hope, life is not to be bought at any cost."
―Seneca

"People will tell you nothing matters, the whole world's about to end soon anyway. Those people are looking at life the wrong way. I mean, things don't need to last forever to be perfect."
―Daydream Nation

"All Bette's stories have happy endings. That's because she knows where to stop. She's realized the real problem with stories― if you keep them going long enough, they always end in death."
―The Sandman: Preludes & Nocturnes

"The road now stretched across open country, and it occurred to me - not by way of protest, not as a symbol, or anything like that, but merely as a novel experience - that since I had disregarded all laws of humanity, I might as well disregard the rules of traffic. So I crossed to the left side of the highway and checked the feeling, and the feeling was good. It was a pleasant diaphragmal melting, with elements of diffused tactility, all this enhanced by the thought that nothing could be nearer to the elimination of basic physical laws than deliberately driving on the wrong site of the road."
― Vladimir Nabokov, Lolita
TICoSME
Musicalities!
Online Radio
Soma.fm

More Fun Shtuff
Newgrounds Audio Portal
Pandora
SoundClick
Kill that boredom!
Binder Paper Comics

Web Comics and Such
A Distant Soil (Some nudity)
The Adventures of Gyno-Star (Some explicit stuff)
Aquapunk
Axe Cop
Basic Instructions
Bear Nuts
Beeserker

Blue Milk Special
Bobbins
Broodhollow
Bug
Buttersafe
Camp Weedonwantcha
Chainsawsuit
ChannelATE
Cigarro & Cerveja
Conspiracy Friends!
Crunchy Bunches

Curia Regis
Cyanide and Happiness
dead winter (has some explicit stuff)
Devilbear: The Grimoires of Bearalzebub (PG-13?)
Diesel Sweeties
Distillum
DUBBLEBABY
Dumm Comics
Eat That Toast!
Ectopiary (Some nudity)
E-merl.com
The End
Evil Diva
Evil Inc.
Existential Comics
The Fancy Adventures of Jack Cannon
For Lack of a Better Comic
Forming (Explicit)

Girls with Slingshots (some explicit stuff...?)
Mirror
Hark! A Vagrant
Head Doctor Productions
Hollow Mountain
IDK Comics
Inscribing Ardi
The Intrepid Girlbot
JBabb Comics
The Last Halloween
Last Train to Old Town
L.A.W.L.S.
The League of Evil Genius

Legend of Bill
Living With Insanity (some nudity)
Love Me Nice
Married to the Sea
Meaty Yogurt
Medium Large
The Meek
Metacarpolis
Monsterhood
Monsterkind
The Moon Prince
Moon Town
Moth (Some nudity)
Mr. Lovenstein
Muddlers Beat

Natalie Dee
Nedroid
The Non-Adventures of Wonderella
Optipess
Out There
Phuzzy Comics
P.I. Jane
Political Cartoonists Index
Poorly Drawn Lines
Powernap
The Property of Hate
Red Meat
Rice Boy
Robbie and Bobby
Rosscott, Inc.
Safely Endangered
Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal
Savage Chickens
Scenes from a Multiverse
The Secret Knots
Serenity Rose
Stand Still. Stay Silent
Stinking Hellebore
Strong Female Protagonist
Subnormality
The Super Fogeys
Tales of Pylea
Three Word Phrase (some nudity)
Tiny Kitten Teeth
Toothpaste for Dinner
Trying Human (Some nudity)
Two Guys and Guy
Mirror

Witchy
xkcd
Yellow Peril (PG-13)

Infrequently/No Longer Updating Web Comics
The Abominable Charles Christopher
The Adventures of Dr. McNinja
The Adventures of Ellie Connelly
American Hell
Bag of Toast
Bear in Mind
Bobwhite
The Book of Biff
Brat-halla
Brightest
Bullfinch
Chain Bear (Some explicit stuff)
Daisy is Dead
Dream Life
Edemia
Edmund Finney's Quest to Find the Meaning of Life
A Fine Example
Finn and Charlie are HITCHED
Floodmud
Freaks!

Green Wake
Gun Show
Hello with Cheese
Helpful Figures
Intragalactic
Kyle & Atticus
Lesbian Pirates from Outer Space
Letters to a Wild Boar
Lovecraft is Missing

Manta-man
Meat and Plastic
Minimalism Sucks
Mis-
Moe
The Nerds of Paradise
Nimona
No Reason Comics
Odd-Fish
One Swoop Fell
Owen's Uncles
Patches
Pictures for Sad Children
Raymondo Person
A Redtail's Dream

Riotfish
Roy's Boys (PG 13?)
Run Freak Run
Saint's Way
Shortpacked!
Sin Titulo
Snowflakes
Split Lip
Spooky Doofus
SubCulture
Super Buzzkill
The Super Gay Adventures of Ross Boston
Thermohalia
Troubletown
Ugly Girl
YU + ME
2815 Monument

Pure Flash Awesomeness
Aardvardkbutter.com
Angry Alien
Die Anstalt : Toy Psychiatry
The Frown
Hoogerbrugge

Other
Bogleech
Clients from Hell
Brian Despain
Creatures in My Head
Damn You Auto Correct!
Jhonen Vasquez's site
Overheard in New York
Passive Aggressive Notes
Submarinechannel.com
Superdickery
UHpinions
Whirled
Looky here
free counters
Thank you everyone
Friday, March 8, 2013
Once again I am very grateful for the support and caring of this community.

I guess things are okay for now.

Still hesitant about how to proceed.

Nothing has really been worked out, but at least I feel better.

Comment! (3) | Recommend!

[Ask]
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

Comment! (7) | Recommend!

Black squirrels
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
A couple of black squirrels have become regular customers in my house's back patio and come up to the door for peanuts. One of them will even follow my dad around on the patio. We get some grey squirrels too but they tend to be grabby and I don't like them very much.

Anyway, I decided to Google "black squirrels" and this image came up:
BLACK SQUIRREL!

I thought it was funny.

Comment! (4) | Recommend!

Green cemeteries
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
So, I'm not super green or anything, but I try to be environmentally conscious in small ways. When possible I buy organic, and I've attempted to cut down on my plastic waste a bit. I only use cold water when I wash my clothes. Nothing really extreme.

I also don't drive, but I don't really think of that as an effort to be environmentally friendly because my reasons for that don't have much to do with the environment. I just don't like cars.

Anyway, I found out today about green cemeteries. I absolutely love the idea of it. It's always seemed weird to me that we have cemeteries where we make it as hard as possible for any actual decomposition to happen, what with embalming and these big elaborate caskets. I mean, admittedly, if you had asked me on a random day before now what I thought some very environmentally unfriendly practices were, I probably wouldn't have thought of burials, but they actually are for the majority of people. It takes a lot of water and maintenance to keep cemeteries looking so clean and er... well, green in the sense that the grass is alive.

I guess the cemetery my grandparents are buried in in Hawaii might not use as much water because it's got a different type of grass, but most of the ones I've seen (admittedly not that many, maybe three or four?) have lawns that need watering.

But yeah, with a green cemetery you're taking away the stuff that's unnatural and bad for the environment as much as possible. You can still do a casket, but it won't be those solid kinds that look like they cost over a thousand dollars and won't rot for a century. The one closest to me looks like it's Fernwood Cemetery, where you can engrave small boulders instead of having tombstones, or not even have a marker. They do GPS stuff to help find burial sites. :0

Oh yeah, and green burials can be a LOT cheaper because you're not paying for all that embalming and fancy casket and stuff.

I definitely didn't expect to get excited about the prospect of my own funeral today, haha, but this does seem pretty cool.

---

By the way I finally changed it so that it's actually possible to see links in my entries without hovering over them. My code was all messed up and I had no idea for the longest time until I tried to change it just now. >.> Now active links are the fine shade of kiwi to be more visible, though they still turn maroon when you hover over them. I went with the fabulous "gray42" for visited links.

Comment! (8) | Recommend! (1)

Lip stuff and other pictures
Monday, March 4, 2013
My lips get really horribly dry sometimes. For the most part I've just been using Blistex ointment on them, because since it's thin it actually moisturizes them instead of just putting a layer of whatever on top. I was doing that and then putting other chapstick type things on top, which wasn't working very well but was the best I could do until I found something else to try.

Went to Target yesterday and ended up buying one of those eos lip balms I've seen but never tried before. They come in little round things that look like normal lip balm pots, but you don't have to use your fingers, which is nice.

Here's a not very good picture I took with my phone:


Anyway, I was super surprised, because this has been working out amazingly for me. It's possible that it's totally a coincidence and the air has just gotten less dry or something, but like, my lips aren't on the verge of cracking anymore. Definitely worth the extra dollar fifty or whatever, in my opinion.

I'm getting a horrible amount of freckles on my lips and face, which is possibly due to use of products containing petrolatum... I've read that it makes your skin more sensitive, so that if you don't use enough sun protection it will get damaged more easily. I never used to get freckles on my lips (don't remember ever having anything before college), so maybe it's related? Dunno. It's a bit hard to find lip balms without petrolatum if you're just looking in a normal store, and they tend to cost more (no surprise there). Honestly I'd rather pay a little bit more and not be plagued with freckles, even if my boyfriend thinks my freckles are cute or not very noticeable.

I have some other pictures to share...

Part of a picture from a different Ethiopian restaurant we tried. It was depicting how coffee production works in Ethiopia, I assume.


There's a cute little ice cream shop in Japantown that had one wall totally dedicated to George Takei. I got a picture of the action figure they had.

I think there was a sign somewhere else in the store that said they would display different prominent Japanese figures to honor them on that wall.

Just thought this was pretty.


Some pictures from the most recent hike I took with my Environmental Science Lab class.



One from the trail.


On Friday I went hiking with my friend Gabe for about three and a half hours at the Stevens Creek Reservoir. That place is HUGE. We got lost and had to walk along the road around the park for awhile to find our way back.

A picture of the reservoir:


There was a ton of wood washed up on the banks.


We also found what appeared to be a scrapyard.


And apparently they dump a lot of the wood from the banks there too.


I finally bought Breakfast With Abductees after having a clip from it as my text tone for three years. The movie Sven van Hees sampled in it has kind of a gross plot, but now I'm somewhat curious about it. Has anybody here seen The Last Sunset?

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Good ol' hoarder habits
Sunday, March 3, 2013
I'm not really a hoarder. I do enjoy cleaning stuff out every now and then, when I get around to it.

This isn't about physical stuff, though. Just got my computer up and running again, and it messed up my iTunes so that I only had my iTunes library as it was in April of last year. I have NO idea why.

BUT, it just so happens that I still had the CopyTrans Manager program in my Downloads folder (which I never clean out), and of course I had saved the email with the activation code in it from that time my external hard drive crashed like two and a half years ago. Yayyyy.

I'm doing a backup from my iPod right now. It's kinda weird, though.

That's even worse than the normal Windows time estimates.

Now that my computer's working again, I can transfer the pictures from my phone to here. Of course, I am far too lazy to do that right now, but I'll post them in the future.

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Hypnagogia
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Sometimes I feel like I'm falling when I'm going to sleep. I've read this is a common experience.

Last night I felt like I was lying strapped in to a roller coaster, facing the ground, and being pulled at by gravity. Or... maybe riding those Xtreme Skyflyer rides.

I guess that it would make more sense to describe it as being tied to the bottom of a beam, but the sense was indisputably that of being on a roller coaster.

I should mention that I hate roller coasters. Also that I've actually never been on one that gave me that kind of sensation. I did ride the Skyflyer several years ago, and it was terrifying.

But back to last night. The sensation of being extremely high up like that was horrible. I felt like gravity had been reversed, and even though I was currently pinned to my bed, I could fall at any moment. I could almost imagine plummeting down through the open air, paralyzed by fear. I'm not sure if I'm really afraid of heights so much anymore, but I can't look down from a great distance without imagining falling.

---

I did end up adding onto my old story. I think Zanzibar has access to it, but as far as I'm aware nobody else from here has read it. I think... it's the longest story I've ever written, but it's actually only four pages. >.> And then I have a bit over two pages just of notes and background info. There's so much I want to cover but I have yet to decide where it will go. I am not one of those people who can write something and say "it just wrote itself!" Actually though, I haven't really ended up writing like, a paragraph or something and then deleting it... so maybe that's a good sign.

I'm just rambling now. Gonna go watch the first season of Xena with my boyfriend while he fixes my computer.

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So much for that?
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Grr, I still can't believe I missed a day. One day! So close.

It's almost too late to back out of this college path I've set myself on. I don't know why I'm saying it like that. That sounds terrible. I guess in a way I'm just kind of afraid of how I'm going to deal with the future.

I'm looking at grad school options for Psychology right now. A man from Palo Alto University, which is a Psych grad school, came to talk in my Social Psychology class yesterday, and since my professor recommended the school I thought I would check it out.

They offer PhDs, which would take five years, and MAs, which take three years. A PhD in Clinical Psychology supposedly prepares you to be a clinical psychologist, while an MA in Counseling Psychology prepares you to be a Marriage and Family Therapist (MFT). I would prefer to go for the PhD, but five more years of schooling, on top of the maybe two I'll need just to finish undergrad, is a really long time. I wouldn't be done with school until I was almost 30...

Since my brother is going to do med school, neither of us would really be done with school until about that age. I'm wondering if it would make more sense to go for the MA and try to get out into the job market earlier. I'm not sure what job prospects are like for MFTs though.

Looking at the Occupational Outlook Handbook, it looks like Clinical Psychologists make about twice as much as MFTs. That's... a pretty considerable difference. Both fields are projected to grow faster than average, though. I wonder if it would be possible to get the PhD in less than five years? I don't know if they require you to take courses in a certain order (probably) or if they would let you condense them by taking on more at once. Could I do that without killing myself? I don't know my limits. Even when I'm feeling "overwhelmed" it's usually just because I put stuff off, not because it's actually more work than I can handle.

---

My computer is still broken... I'm typing this from a school laptop. My boyfriend is going to buy a new motherboard and processor and try to fix my computer on Saturday. We don't know if it's actually the motherboard and processor, though. My dad said it could also be the power supply. I don't really care what it is, I just want it to work. :\

On the other hand, without my computer working, I've been going to bed an average of two/three hours earlier. The days seem longer. Maybe it would be a good idea for me to limit my screen time...

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