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Speak to My Finger
*MeOws..... oF YeSterDaY*
Meowing WAR

Books I have completed reading since January 2018:

1. No Man's Nightingale - Ruth Rendell
2. One Day - David Nicholls
3. The Door - Margaret Atwood
Almond Lapis
Sunday, November 7, 2010
12 egg yolks
6 egg whites
200g castor sugar
350g butter
90g ground almond
3tbsp condensed milk
1 tsp vanilla essence
1 tsp lapis spices
90g halved almonds
60g flour

1. Cream butter with hald of the sugar.
2. Beat yolks with the remaining sugar till mixture is thick. Add condensed milk, vanilla and spices. In another bowl, beat egg whites till stiff.
3. Fold butter mixture into yolk and mix well. Fold in the flour and ground almonds, then the beaten egg whites and mix.
4. Pour batter to form a layer in a prepared pan. Bake at 180 C to 200 C till layer is done. Repeat, baking layer by layer.

When the top layers is reached, top with the halved almonds and bake for a further 5 minutes.

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The connection between sex and dignity
Friday, November 5, 2010
I have been reading here and there, and to be frank I'm quite saddened with the mentality of some people. A disclaimer here would be if you are not open-minded and if you think a woman got rape just because she wears a short skirt should be blamed, then I STRONGLY advise you to stop continue reading when you reach the full stop HERE.

I was scanning a book entitled Half the Sky something something in a bookstore recently and I'm shocked to read one of the encounters of a prominent female who fights for human rights in her community was gang raped. Not because she was wearing a mini skirt, but because she was ordered to be raped by 10 men by the community leaders. Why? Because the girl's brother was kidnapped and raped by some heterosexual guys in the village. To cover up the issue, these kidnappers accused the brother for raping a girl in the part of their village. And so the brother was brought to the community leaders for judgment. She was there to take her brother home and sort things out. But the community leaders wanted to cover the case too, and so they punished the girl for the brother's accused crime by sentencing her to be raped. By doing so, the community leaders were certain that she will kill herself to cleanse the family's image. Well, it seems this is the way for girls in Pakistan to clear their names and clean their family's image. But this girl didn't commit suicide, because her parents prevented her from doing so. And so she brought up this case to the police and a lot of things happened, which also involved the former president threatening her for giving a 'false' image of the country to the world.

And then ... I was shocked to read that female politicians in Kenya who are running for elections will be heavily guarded to prevent gangsters kidnapping and raping her. Because raping will make the female candidates to drop their candidacy since this kind of matter humiliates the candidate.

As I went through each page of the book, I can't help questioning how society can be cruel in my head. I can't help thinking who the bastards were to discriminate female in such ways. The conclusion I had was so appalling: If you want to break a woman in every way, you rape her. And I keep on thinking to myself what is so big deal about virginity? So what if a female loses her virginity? Why did our stupid ascendants placed were so crazy about virginity? Ok. Say whatever you want about my previous question. But I'm questioning how can society so cruel to a female. Why prosecute a human being just because she is a female? How can a society be build by passing down the teachings/ thinking that women are slaves? Are women some kind of object to accessorize the men?

And how can a society sentence RAPE as punishment? What kind of values is that? What is wrong with women? What is wrong being a female?

My last question is don't men fear of karma for making women suffering like hell? Thank god, I can live without a man.

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Script meowing
Thursday, October 28, 2010
I have been using Asian setting in my story scripts. Don't ask me why, but I feel there are many stories out there not emphasizing much on Asian setting except movies/dramas made in the Asian native language. And have you seen some movies purely done in English with Asian setting? Oh yes, we do and that is very rare apart of Kopitiam and Phua Chu Kang sitcom. I know recently Malaysia won an award for some series, which I don't know anything about it because it was not really promoted in the media. How sad is that.

But anyways ... my team member and I are working on a paper on tragic comedy and culture. Basically we are just talking how these geniuses like Galileo Galilei died defending his research. I told him to make his part first because I know if he can't give anything, I would have to do it alone. But I put my trust in him...

When I received his part, it was too dramatic ... it's like I'm reading a script of one of the last episodes of One Tree Hill. Actually it is since he mentioned before that he is going to get some scenes from that series, but I didn't know it was going to be like the series.

I thought the team member just got too excited with the idea. Oh yea, we are writing a script which is his major interest but we also must not deviate from the main objective. The main thing is we need to keep the story simple yet straight to the point.

The team member questioned why the names of the characters are too Chinese, Indian and Malay, but you know wherever you are, whatever the setting is, human's personality and characteristic are going to be the same everywhere. If you found an annoying bitch in Malaysia, I bet you will find her twin somewhere in Alaska. Citizenship nor geography made any difference. And again, what is wrong with Asian names in the story? People nowadays are international citizens. We travel everywhere and there are so many Asians staying abroad. Why use an English name in the script just to show we got a White? Names don't concern me, but I find it disturbing in a way I can't explain. You may refute it doesn't mean anything, or I'm bias but I'm trying to bring up my concern of pattern. Are youth trying to follow other culture or just assimilating culture by reading and surfing for more information on other culture? I'm not surprised... but is there any implication? Imperialism? HA. Interesting.

I like originality and I came up with my version of the script and told my friend "why is One Tree Hill series in our script?" If I'm writing for a competition, I got no problem with dramas, but why put so much effort when the head facilitator accused me for no ownership and give excuses.

And he still hasn't replied if it's ok if we order pizza for our meeting. I hate meetings during dinner hours. Yes, our meeting is at 6.30 pm and the last time we have the meeting, it went way past our lunch hours by 2.5 hours and the meeting in 2009 went up to 11.30 pm from 6 pm! This is so not sensitive. And I was informed to bring my own bread. WHAT THE HELL. I have gastric, and I have no intention to get sick because of insensitivity. And hey, I suggested to go dutch if we ordered pizza. And I even offered my pizza voucher. So what is the problem?!

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Pissed Picaso
Saturday, October 23, 2010
I'm pissed. Not because of the head facilitator said something stupid again, but I just can't believe that my friend who can't even string a correct English sentence has a senior management job with the name 'engineer' at the end of his position name and he is gonna fly to France for his work.

And why the hell renaye who is so much better than him got stuck with asshole people who recently accused me for not taking ownership and giving bloody excuses for not working on my paper, or some idiotic managers who have poor communication skills.

Am I arrogant? Maybe, but I'm SO frustrated with life. I need chances to show what I've got. I want chances to learn and take as much as the ocean can offer. I need to work with people who are smarter than me, not DUMBER than me, not weaker than me. I don't mind working with weaker people, because I don't mind sharing knowledge and help, but most importantly, I need to work with people who are open minded!! Not someone who only thinks how to step me from above or who tries to limit my potential!!!

I need a life breather.

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Meowing in reality
Friday, October 22, 2010
I sometimes like to watch reality shows depending on the topic of interest. I like watching Project Runway, and currently watching America's next top model and its franchises... The reason I like watching these two reality show because the assignments given in each episode is very interesting and creative. And to be frank, I don't think I ever learned something from these programs. Maybe just some poses and tips on wearing clothes? Don't know.

Some of my friends said watching tv itself is not productive. I agree too, but I feel sometimes it's good to stay back and let time flies (at certain times) because our brain needs rest and to look at something else other than the things we are working on. Yea, we can do lots of readings and get ideas from, but that sounds so disconnected to the environment. I don't know ... I just looked at it at a different angle.

What do you guys think?

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Thursday, October 21, 2010
I'm officially pissed because my superior in the youth camp said I was giving excuses and not taking ownership of the paper I'm supposed to prepare for the camp, just because I was waiting for another team mate to pass me his layout for the paper to work on.

I'm so pissed that I feel like PULLING OUT NOW and NOT submitting any of my earlier papers that I have prepared.

In retrospect, am I giving excuses? Am I not taking ownership? I may be giving excuses but seriously I'm waiting for my team mate to get back to me on his part, because I'm so going to complete the paper overall.

I feel like crying when I read I WAS GIVING EXCUSES AND NOT TAKING OWNERSHIP. (I think I'm already crying in my heart).

Not starting a blaming game, but the coordinator of the camp has been informing committee members so last minute that it clashed with my made appointments. And on the other hand, I can't be sitting and waiting for the email to tell me when the meeting is. Time is money. My appointments are consisted of discussions involving MONEY and TIME.

One morning, my mum said I'm ARROGANT. In retrospect, am I arrogant? Did I 'show off' too much just because I have lots of experience in some things? I think my mum said I am because I keep on saying other people being stupid or commenting my ideas are better and this and that. I don't remember, but it hurts like HELL, when I was called arrogant. Is it just because you all feel inferior? And all I wanted was just to help?! Did my current boss think like that too?

I think it was extremely unfair to say blatantly and brutally that I'm giving excuses and not taking ownership of the paper I'm supposed to work on.

I called up my team mate about this matter. I told him how unhappy I were to hear this coming out from the head facilitator. We both felt it was unprofessional when ding dong among team members is common, and the coordinator was just asking about updates on the paper, which I updated the coordinator and the head. And we both felt the head was just making us his punching bag since he is now extremely busy organising three events and he had informed everyone that he is organising it alone since the people who promised to assist him are not doing so. Well ... it's none of my business if you have nowhere to throw out your frustration. Don't inflict on me. Damn you!

The arrogant part... I don't know ... but I know I'm more vocal now but also I reflect on my own actions and I don't inflict my sufferings on other people now. I have tried my best to reduce my story-telling about my problems in the house with my friends because they would get tired (or already tired) of listening to me... I'm trying my best to change myself for the better and yet people think I'm arrogant. For god sake, I work my ass off to gain knowledge and experience unlike some people who just bitch about people's capability.

And seriously, I don't take 'idiotic people as leaders' matter very well. I noticed there are so many idiotic people sitting in the leadership position. I have nothing against them but I don't look up to stupid people because it makes me look stupid. I'm not proud to be an underling of a stupid person. If the staff can notice that the boss is a stupid person, what about the public?! I don't mind wearing masks to office. And why not? Masks can be a nice accessory.

That is all for my rant.

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