You'd think all my years walking around, riding public transportation in NYC I'd hear plenty of people farting publicly, but that's not true. Yet in the last week, I've heard more open flatulence from strangers than I have heard in the past ten years. So, if you can guess how many, I will send you 50 pps. (Just comment once.)
22:22
Comment! (12) | Recommend! | Categories: new york city [t], random [t]
Bonjourrrrrrr ya cheese-eating surrender monkeys
Great, because of my asshole computer I just lost an entry I spent 15 minutes composing. The only thing I remember word for word is, "blurt it out faster than some fart-filled projectile diarrhea," and it's too late to go about reconstructing it again (Conan's on!). Might as well, I was only 90% sure I wanted to post it, but that doesn't mean my computer still isn't an asshole.
00:38 Comment! (3) | Recommend! | Categories: pissed [t]
All I can see is a horrible rainbow
Finally at a million years old, I played chess for the first time a couple of hours ago, and I just won my first game. ...Sure, it was on the computer, and I cheated by undoing moves and highlighting threatened pieces, but as God as my witness I can never say I don't know how to play chess again.
01:06 Comment! (5) | Recommend! | Categories: random [t]
Chlamydia is not a flower
Safe Sex Options
These days, safe sex isn't just a good idea, it's a matter of life and death. Here are some valuable tips to help you "play it safe":
- Do not blow dealers for crack; blow regular citizens for cash, then buy the crack directly.
- Think about parents' nude bodies during foreplay; resultant loss of erection will prevent potential unsafe sex.
- Don't fall for lines like, "God protects his servants in the clergy from harm."
- Do not, no matter how much peers may pressure you, allow anyone to get to third base with you.
- Make sure all open sores on penis have thoroughly dried and scabbed over before use.
- When taking four cocks in the ass, make sure to have an equal amount of cock in your mouth to reduce the risk of CHI imbalance.
- Before fellating anonymous man in back room of bar, be sure to ask, "You don't have AIDS, do you?"
- Douse penis liberally with D-Con roach spray before penetrating ape.
- You CAN get it from kissing -- tear out partner's tongue before any mouth-to-mouth contact.
- To prevent radiation exposure, use only lead-based condoms.
- If you must engage in unsafe sex, take time out beforehand to hope for the best.
22:31 Comment! (18) | Recommend! (12) | Categories: jokes [t], condoms [t]
Freemasons run the country!
Ken Griffey's grotesquely swollen jaw
I've visited my family up in CT several times now, and it's very nice to be away from NYC to be in a suburb-like area (though technically Norwich is called a city). There's absolute silence during the night (except the crickets), there are more stars to be seen (though, not much).
Yet one of the things that will keep me rooted in the city is the water.
NYC WATER IS AWESOME! Drinking Connecticutian water left a weird aftertaste. Now I know why children have so many cavities, because they drink juices and soft drinks in lieu of their sucky drinking water supply. Hah, j/k. But that'd be an interesting theory.
Welp, in conjunction to the previous paragraph, I'm off to the dentist.
15:57
Edit OH NO! I HAVE A CAVITY! MY NIGHTMARES HAVE BECOME TRUE! This is my first cavity ever... my perfect, pale yellow teeth are marred...
17:20 Comment! (1) | Recommend! | Categories: connecticut [t], nyc water is awesome [t]
What or who the hell are the Cheetah Girls and why do they have a sequel?
23:07 Comment! (6) | Recommend! | Categories: riddle me this [t]
