“You’re not going to drop him because you care about him too much.”

Why is it that, that scares me? Caring about a person. Hrm. I’ve “liked” people yes, but cared about them? That’s something else isn’t it? Sick to be me. Him, maybe I do care, in a sense a lot more then before and more then others. But then again allowing my self to care is something weird, odd, and most defiantly off for me. Eh. This is the way I see it. ‘Tis all a game. A game I like to play and one I don’t always win in but I do accomplish quite a bit in. But never has respect been entered in this “game” I usually don’t. Not my thing. It’s not the game then. But now, there’s a sense of respect. Something cool. I haven’t had that since. Well. Lets not talk about that. But yeah, respect now. Enter. What now? Is it different? Is it even the game? The rules have changed, premises warped, and thoughts confused. I don’t know. I must admit I do like the kid. But this time it’s not a challenge so this time it’s not a game. I don’t know. Its been a while since it hasn’t been a game. A long time since there was respect, a bit of care, some real feeling instead of just, something to pass the time and play with. It’s not just a passing thing that’s “interesting” Eh, lets not think now. Lets it sit. What will happen, I’ll choose that action later. Not now.

Eh.


Oh yeah. by the way.

1410 Bitch.

Fuck yes. Damn proud on that shit. comments about the mums convo later.

right now. a shower will suffice.

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What am i suppose to say? Yes, No, maybe. Eh. we shall see.

Time is washing by and oppertunities are passing by. Wtf is wrong with one such as i?

I need to stop rhyming like a mother fucker.


I need to write more. will in time. Busy right now...

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I wrote a whole fucking entry last night. yeah, its on my computer but i'm at school right now. Eh. Life is life isnt it? there are a number of thoughts that i need to put on here but again, its on my computer and not here at school and i dont feel like rewriting all of that. so fuck it.


i dont know if i can get into UT Austin. Fuck.


i need to raise my SAT scores.

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dude, i havn't written in this in forever. hrm. it's interesting. sitting in school listening to my teacher talk while typing on this. hrm... hold on, time to listen hard core to what she's talking about.

thoughts to pass but not now, maybe later.


hrm.. later...

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I'm interested now, UT Austin looks like a prospect. UTD is diminishing. FUCK YES!

So the mum has good logic, its cool. but i dont know. it all depends on my SAT scores. above 1390 UTD it is. Below 1390 but above 1300 UT Austin it is. If i can get in. If i can get into UT Austin but no full scholarship then no more A&M and hello to UT Austin. Its cool. Dude, it's all on where my mom wants me to go. I dont mind any of them.w hich is sad because i'm letting her dictate where i'm going to be which is going to make a huge difference on where i'll be in ten years but oh well. not oh well. the way i figure it leave it to the logical and wise one and it'll be good. Yep.


Life is life. yada yada bull.

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Much better as to how this thing is suppose to look. Green, Tahoma, size 8. Perfect. haha. maybe gray would be good but then again i don't really feel like changing that right now so i guess i just won't. man i really like STP and VR good bands. ^_^ i think it's just cuz i have a thing for scott wilend. I can't spell his name, oh well. so be it.

This is me slowy burning out. seriously. i think i am burning out like a motherfucker. this week has been terribly insane. i don't like it. SAT SAT WORK WORK HOSPITAL shit.

Running ninety miles per hour is insane.


so i had a dream with this kid in it. it was an interesting dream. apparently i've had it before cuz when i told my sister she told me i had it before. and come to think about it i have. this kid is cool. my parents like him. hes cool. Whatever. But in the dream he handed me a coin and then... well the dream proceeded. but i was looking at the book of universal symbols and it has something to do with the middle between earth and heaven. the coin, in chinese culture at least. a coin with a square puncture in the middle. yeah, i know. but it symbolizes the area where the emperor derives between earth and heaven, as i said. its just interesting. Now, what can that mean? I do not know man, i need to tell my mom but i don't want to tell her about the rest of the dream so i guess i won't but then again, who fucking knows dude. oh well. Tis all a mystery. No actually, thats a good sign. a really good sign. dont know what's going to come of it but oh well. we shall see...

i asked my mom about the saunce. yeah. not a good idea. Strong want to but no. Disrespectful. she gave me a WHOLE list about it and i was like... ok. i catch. actually i already knew everything that she was going to say i just wanted to confirm. strong can go off and be a dumbass doing whatever but i'm going to keep with my beliefs. I was thinking about that, i bitch about how i'm not asian and how i'm white instead but i'm not. I really am asian on the inside. i have a hard core set of principles, beliefs, and mind set that are characteristically asian. The core of my beliefs sound very buddhist. which is interesting. I really am way more asian then i would like to think. I do admire some aspects of the oriental culture, there is no doubt, it's just the flaws stand out more. Ju is cool b/c he's asian while still being white washed as shit. but i know deep down inside he's a good guy cause he's asian. and he knows. I really miss speaking chinese. seriously. i really do. I was talking to this kid in canto and man, do i wish i spoke full chinese. i understood him no doubt but, i couldn't convey what i wanted to without english. damn, it was still refreshing. going back to my roots. haha, but oh well. i think i'm going to learn chinese. seriously, it will be alot of fun man. alot of fun.


English
Spanish
Canto
Japanese
Korean
Farci

Those are the languages that i am going to know before i die. seriously. i've got an ear for it, i just need to sit there and do it. Spanish was easy as shit, Canto was easy i just forgot alot of it, Japanese is easy just annoying, Korean is easy i just havnt had the time to submurge my self in it. if i did i would get it. Farci, thats a bit more difficult but i think i can get there. eventually.


Dude, learning languages is just fucking cool to me.
is that bad? i am a fucking geek.


damn....

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