I want a new job. I am very lucky that I got the job that I did, as there are so many applicants trying to get the same position as me. I truly am grateful, but I am not happy. I think of work like how I felt in high school. You feel people are talking about you, or don't really like you. There are some bullies here and there, and then there are your friends who you enjoy coming to work for. I haven't been in this type o environment, really, since high school. Just like high school, I show up and get my work done. I say hi to everyone, don't really make a big fuss and just do what I have to do. I have a couple of friends I gossip with a little in between. But it doesn't feel like a positive work environment, not for me. I have lovely coworkers, but we are all stressed out. And when we're stressed out, it bleeds into everyone's day.

I am currently on vacation for seven more days, and also currently getting over a stomach flu. Im going to take these next days to apply for jobs, and truly find a new job that will hopefully make me happy.

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I have this recurring dream.

I am in the pews of a church, the one I grew up in. I’m surrounded by all the church members. A toolbox filled with bolts, screws and a drill is being passed down the pew. There is a girl next to me, and it is her turn. She takes the screw and drill, and begins to drill the right side of her forehead. She’s fine, no pain or blood. I look at everyone, and they have screws and bolts on both sides of their head. Panicking, I watch as she looks through the tool box. I do not want the same fate as everyone else. I can’t do it, I can’t put screws in my own head. As she looks for a second screw, she whimpers “there’s no more screws left” and looks up at me. I sigh in relief.

And then I wake up.

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