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My Humble Entry
Monday. 2.7.05 12:48 am
In some ways, one might see it as sad... a parting of ways if you will. However, one might also argue that it is merely the closing of a chapter. However that saying is far too over used, and does not quite capture the spirit of the moment.

One view that seems favorable to me is to think of it as a death to one's self. Not to the life that becomes one's self, but rather the life that was one's self. It's a death to the past, and a death to the person that is that past. One can't help but feel slightly melancholy, as we die each and every second of our life.

Every second this body lives, is a crime against my soul. As my body may live on, my is soul is thrust into oblivion every instant. It is this dieing soul that makes life so tiresome and hard. While it is easy to keep a body among the living, it is impossible to preserve the soul.

This is a cycle no mortal can break, as it is progress its self. To rise above this cycle would be to rise above experience, knowledge and feelings themselves. Such a feet would end in ultimate unhappiness, as there would be complete nothingness. Unfortunately we are stuck, forever dieing in our mortal tomb; until the day we transcend life and enter the world of the death.

One can only hope that in death, we may achieve peace. However the mere thought of this seems impossible, what difference would death make? Unless death is nothingness, there will always be dieing. Or perhaps that is the magic of heaven, preservation of the soul without being condemned to an empty void of nothing.

So what does a human have to look forward to in this utterly hopeless world? It would seem there is not much in this so called "physical plain" of existence that would remedy such pain. The only thing a human has to look forward to is death its self, as only death promises deliverance from this struggle.

So while people deem it foolish to place importance on the physical body and not the soul, it is hard to justify. Many people believe that the soul is immortal, which is true to the extent that you (whatever you is) will always have a soul. However, you will never at any given instant have the same soul. Which means attempting to better yourself, only brings death to your soul that much faster.

However, placing importance on your body is not any more productive. Your body is merely a tomb for your soul... and everything that you are for that matter. I have yet to find an occasion to put emphasis on one's tomb.

An ending, or death, does not mean the termination of anything. It merely means that in this existence, what was once is no more.

-note: I use the term “soul” loosely in this entry, with no direct definition. I am certainly not using the biblical definition, as I myself am religious. I am merely using it as a word to describe the human manner of knowledge, experience, judgment, and reasoning. While this may be the definition of a soul in some people’s opinion, I do not claim that it is the “end all be all” definition, nor do I claim that it is my definition. I merely used the word because I felt it would be the easiest to understand.

-note: This entry is not a reflection of my personal views.

I felt this entry was appropriate for my last entry to nutang. I am not claiming that this will be my last entry ever, however it is a sign that I am taking my official leave. There is nothing absolute about this statement. Should I feel the urge, I might come back tomorrow. I simply felt a statement of some form was needed, incase this does end up being my last entry.

For now, I will take my leave

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A fallen Friend
Friday. 1.28.05 1:03 pm
There comes a time in every man's life, when he just has to bite the bullet and do what's right. Every man knows when his time has come, and there is no turning back. That time for me is now, and what is right, is to make another entry! And you'd better believe the Jedi are gunna feel this one!

Huzzahs are in order!

It was approximately 8:30 PM, when it happened, and I’m still not sure exactly what had happened. Someone… something… had committed a terrible atrocity. Whatever had done it was very fast, and very stealthy, for I did not even catch a glimpse of what they look like… Maybe it wasn’t someone at all…

When I walked through my doorway, pure havoc reigned supreme. I heard a bang and then the next thing I knew, my tall and slender friend was in quite a bit of trouble. He wasn’t your ordinary fellow, he was quite fragile, and very smooth around the edges if you know what I mean. Although he did have an elegant yet exotic look to him that was quite special.

He didn’t have a chance; what ever had hit him hit him hard. He began bleeding profusely after the bang; the curious stench of his blood filled the air. I did all I could do to help him, but after about three seconds, all of his bodily fluids had been completely drained. He died almost instantly.

I could not find the culprit of this disaster either. All that was on the ground was a flimsy piece of paper with my class schedule on it. I was shocked to say the least, I had liked my fallen friend quite a bit… and now he is gone. My mom quickly came into my room and helped me clean up his remains. His blood seemed not of this world, as it evaporated almost instantly. The carpet wasn’t wet at all, which is quite odd for that much liquid. The only evidence of what happened is that my shelf was now shinier on that side, where his blood had split.

So anyways, the loss of my beloved Galileo Thermometer was quite devastating. He had always been faithful, and told me the correct temperature… He will be missed. I have kept his remains and I haven’t decided what to do with them yet, so they are floating in a bowl of water. He had exploded at the base, so I guess it’s possible that they glass could have broken by it’s self, it’s not unheard of.

The aftermath:

Goodbye my friend

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Christmas Blues
Monday. 12.27.04 11:26 pm
Walking amongst the ruined decays of the tourn and beaten shackles that once held such joy and mystery inside them, I began to feel kind of down. The floor is littered with many such sights and with it comes a certain sadness. Not a sadness of the destroyed christmas boxes... but a sadness of another breed.

Something about it... the barron walls... the unfilled seats... the unlight lights... the quietness... The carcases of dozens of boxes... the emptyness...

You know it's over and there is no rewinding the tape... no going back to enjoy the occasion again... and no way to fast forward to the next one. You're stuck... stuck in this mundane world for another year. Just another year.

Ahhh so Christmas has come and gone... some people are releaved, but I'm mostly just sad. That's the thing about Christmas, after it's over... it's over... the mood, the theme, the fun, the spirit, everything goes away... even your relatives go away. All that's left is a bunch of paper, boxes, and decorations that have to be put up.

It's sad putting that stuff up too, because you know it will be a long time before you get to put it all up again. I mean putting the fake Christmas tree in the box... all I can think about is... a whole year... it's going to be a whole year until the next time. Which sucks... because Christmas really is a fun time.

I mean if you think about it... when do you have the most fun during the year? It's always during Christmas... it's more fun than any other holoday... it's even more fun than summer. All that family and togetherness really is nice... it's just a shame it has to end... There has got to be some way to make it last all year round... ( and no, I'm not talking about those jerks that leave their christmas lights up all year).

Unfortunately there really is no way to make Christmas last all year... because you can't make everyone in your family stay at home and be festive all year round... it's just not possible...

One thing that woulda made Christmas better... woulda been some really cold weather, and some snow. That woulda made it perfect. With that little factor aside, my Christmas was great... It's just a shame that it won't come around again for another year...

Oh, and I hope everyone remembered to say happy birthday to Jesus!

----btw the smily faces with the guns will no longer be used any new entries. I will find a replacement soon

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:( horrible day
Thursday. 12.9.04 9:55 am
OMFG someone shot and killed Dimebag Darrell on stage... http://www.cnn.com/2004/US/12/09/nightclub.shooting/index.html


... This is a horrible day...

R.I.P. Darrell Abbott

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Have Vans will travel
Friday. 11.5.04 12:29 am
Something so simple... something so seamingly insignificant and unimportant. You'd think they couldn't effect anything at all. Afterall, what could they possibly induce? maybe some slight pain from prolonged use... not much else right? Of course, you know I'm gunna tell you that you're wrong.

When I'm in my car, there aren't any others, there are only the ones. They aren't magical, and they sure aren't mystical. They're old and they're abused. No not enchanted or special in anyway... at least not to you. They're priceless to me, but only when I'm in my car.

They fail me when i'm running, and they fail me going up hill or even down. They definately do no good in the rain, they simply don't do that normal stuff well at all. But in what they do do, they are unrivaled.

That's right folks my shoes are meant for driving, no not walking. Yes, they are the best driving shoes ever in fact. They are so sensative, yet so soft. They help me get that perfect mixture of gas and clutch. Ever so percise, they have proven to never make a mistake... while I'm driving that is.

Well I've come to a delema, you see these shoes of mine have aged quite poorly. Yeah, they're falling appart... wholes in the soul... material is hard and crunchy... inside is all torn up. My parents say it's time to get some new ones... I don't see how they can be so heartless. How can I replace these legendary shoes? These shoes that I owe all my driving skill to?

The fact is, I can't replace these shoes of mine, they are the link between me and my car. Without the shoes, chaos would riegn the road. I owe it to myself to wear these shoes when I drive... I owe it to the world.

I may get new shoes, but these beat up green suede Vans will forever be my driving shoes.

some random stuff I drew for your amusement: (sorry for the low quality web cam pictures... believe me.. they look alot better and much much more detailed in person)

Ok, so the above drawing is supposed to be cartoonish. Yeah incase you didn't realise, it's made in layers, to give it that old school cartoonish quality. (looks alot cooler in person). Anyways, it was made using prisma pencils, oil pastels, and ebony pencil.

So this is just a picture of some leaves I pulled off a tree... well we had to draw something in class, so after an hour of drawing nothing I walked around outside in the rain to find something... I found these leaves... I struggled to remove them from the tree but to no avail... I could not get them with out ruining them... so I went back to the class, got my trusty blade and cut these babies off for me to draw... I wish I had a better picture of the drawing... it's really detailed. I made it with prisma pencils and ebony.

Wow more pictures... I better not make a habbit outa posting pictures...

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Monday. 11.1.04 6:31 pm
ok so lets see if we can get through this...

I always find myself doing the same thing when it is time to make a new entry. I just sit here... stare at the glowing screen in the dark... listening to some music... or watching something on tv. It's like all the creativity I've had all week just left my brain... it's like sorry dude, your creativity stepped out for a a break...

Well my creativity may have stepped out for the moment, but I'm still writing damn it! I'm writing from pure will power... every key stroke is a strugle of emotions and utter confusion. Every word I write is forced, so I warn you don't expect much out of this entry, as my current lack of creativity is taking it's toll on my desire to update... infact, this entry could end any second

You see, unfortunately for you (my faithful readers) my entries are getting fewer and far between. Not to mention the content is drasticaly dropping in scope. But what can I do? This is a battle I cannot win by conventional means.

so anyways...

The other day, it was so humid... I couldn't strike a match... yeah... crazzy... I waisted 12 matches trying to light a fire. It's something you'd just have to experience to understand. Walking outside was like wadding through a thick soup. it was gummy and gewy... I'm supprised I could even breath. The air was more liquid than it was gas... If you were to fart, you would prolly have seen methane bubbles float into the sky.

So anyways, all this humidity and moisture meant i was pritty damp with the dewwy air just from being out there. I think the humidity was really starting to effect my perception too. Cause stuff started to happen...

I saw Blue walking across the poarch... doing his usual prissy cat walk... (gotta love how cats do that). Anyways, he was walking across to the potted cactus. Infact, he got right up to it and started scratching his head with it. WTF? what kind of animal scratches their head with a cactus!? Seemed pritty insane to me. His eyes were half shut and he was purring too. He must have really been enjoying the cactus...

Ok, so I got the fire going, that's good. Had to put the match under the hood to even get a spark. It's all good though, cause i put enough lighter fluid on there for three fires. I had some time to kill before it was time to start cooking... I decided to walk around the yard a bit.

I began circling the rocky endge of the pool. The water seemed gross to me cause it was so humid outside... I wasn't much in the mood for anything that was wet, to say the least. But I was just looking at the leaves and stuff floating on top of the water... I hate humidity.

So yeah walking along... oh crap! The next thing I knew, I was about to fall in the pool! I don't know how this came to be... but it sucked. I was wobbling back and forth on the edge. I'd start to lean one way, then be about to fall, and lean the other... yeah... it was quite a futile strugle.

Well this sucks, I thought as I was falling into the water. I dunno how I'm gunna explain this one to my parents... I stood in the water for a moment... the water felt much better than I had anticipated. It wasn't dirty and gross like the humidity in the air... this was clean and refreshing...

So anyways, my parents found my misshap quite funny... Oh well I guess, at least I entertained them a bit. Now my vans are all stiff from being wet... so that sucks...

... intense entry I know

Pritty long entry, for something I had to force... oh well, enjoy!

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