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This is the annual Haraja Fest. Its so much fun! Hey, can you find me in there?

This is one of my best friends, Mushi Bushi. Ladies, this pretty boy's still single!

Between My Toes and out My Tail
Sometimes the hair on my tail transform into icycles when I get really angry. And oftentimes that does not happen. I will now recount a tale of my tail when such an event did not occur.

This didn't happen too long ago. In fact, it happens in the future. The year was 2873. I had embarked on a terribly long and dangerous journey from Lumskler, a beautiful planet filled with foot-sized creatures, back to Earth (aka Uranus).

The entire trip was to last almost 256 hours, and we were on our last 16. I took an uninvited step into the cockpit to ask the pilot for a glass of his urine when it happened.

There was no pilot.

Hence, there was no urine.

I was left in a state of panic, but I calmed myself down by removing cow hearts from between my toes. Finally, with my eyes staring at the most beautiful statue of a kiwi ever, a dog entered the room holding a small broom.

I looked at the broom and realized I was mistaken -- it was no broom, but rather, a brown room. Inside the room, two pelicans named Gilbert and Mosaic were pulling on two ends of a three-ended string. The third end was filled with butonic-oxide, a rare chemical found in the anal canal of young hermits.

And then, a young stewardess helped me up from my cramped position and placed her hand between my toes and removed another cow's beating heart. She asked me if she could keep it and I responded affirmatively. I then saw her shake it a few times, and I heard a quarter bouncing about inside it. I didn't have time to react, because there was a cumulus cloud outside. The cloud was in the shape of a German monk. The monk started to blink rapidly and cooed "Behind you... behind you..."

I looked behind me, but it was too late. Messiah, the son of Jonus, already began stuffing the corn into the pigeon hole. I told him he shouldn't do that, but his cheeks fell off from his face. I knew it was too late at that point.

The ship was near landing. I could see Earth (aka Pluto) at the brink of the horizon. I yawned, and in doing so, defecated all over the young stewardess. It happens, I thought. It happens. It always does.

I turned my head, looked over at the monk, who was still there, now fishing beyond the Milky Way, and he looked back. He had a look in his eyes. A look that said "Yup, nothing ever changes in the Milky Way. Welcome back to Neptune, Papagoya." I smiled and continued the impenetrable defecation. It was simply impenetrable.

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It's good to be back!
I am now back in the Island of Ishbu, but before, I was not back. On route, through the Forest of the Gorilla-Head Coconut Trees, something incredible happened. I found a dead duck in the pond and was enjoying its remains when a cumulus cloud fell from the sky, and then it happened!

The cloud fell on my face, causing me to shout quite frantically "Abira abira-mazajurtri!" Translated into language, that mantra means "Oh cloud of destiny, bring me butter."

Unfortunately, a nearby Uncle heard misheard my words and turned into a nugget of concentrated calcium bioxide. It's true, it's true.

All this heavily flustered me, causing my arm pits to lactate with fervor and produce Ben & Jerry's low-fat cream cheese. One of my high school professor, Sir Isaac Newton, once said "A diamond with a flaw is worth more than a pebble without imperfections." I did not believe him until that moment in time.

As I reached the shores of Ishbu, I saw an old woman in the shape of a lion grow wings and fly into the sun. As she approached she sun, her wings wings turned into dolphins and swam away. She said "Come back!" but the dolphins just kept on mumbling "Wambi mabiekli..." and continued to swim away. Legends says that these dolphins have turned into paper seahorses, but I do not believe those legends, because they provide no substantial evidence to backup their claims. However, some baboons disagree with me -- even Yenamaboya. That boy's still got a lot to learn!

Anyway, I am now back at the Island sleeping in a bed of uranium shoe strings. It's good to be back!

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A series of engrossing events
What happened next cannot be described in words. Even the attempt to do so would result in the death of your entire family.

All I can say is a series of engrossing events ultimately led me to discover xPPGY technology, which I will bring to you from the future.

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The Metamorphosis of Mankajuice
To you, it may appear that I have not posted in several months. But, to me, thousands of years have passed. Allow me to continue my tale, exempt of any lengthy panegyrics, and all will become clear to you:

Count Mankajuice transformed into a beautiful hobgoblin princess, as many counts of the Eastern Shuhi region often were inclined to do. Yes, I have heard of this awfully enrapturing phenomenon. But this was the first time I've witnessed such an uncanny metamorphosis from the Eruain to the almost omnicellulose Humapiknock species. As many erudites from the School of Exceptions would agree, this process, often known as "piggy-midging" or "phasing-through," is both long and arduous.

I sat there, silent as a coco-beetle fermenting amoebas within its belly of boron, watching in both awe and abhorrence. Thoughts of the men of I were still floating about in the back of my mind, as millipeeds would in the early years of Bishquoo. However, I was unable to leave. Any subtle changes in environment around Mankajuice would cause unthinkable deviations to the count's transformation. It has been said that the Big Bang was caused by the blinking of a tortoise's nostril during count Burbia's metamorphosis.

And so, one thousand years passed. After Mankajuice was fully changed, I bid the count farewell and left to pursue the Man of I. It took me nearly 50 years to retrieve the Coin of Pangeanagoya and place it back into the Abyss of Romanticism. So, I thought, finally, it was time to head back home.

On my way back to the Baboon Island of Ishbu, I met a tall, dark gentleman named Rivant III. He stood nearly 8-foot, was as handsome as Bruce MacNealson, the Parisian baboon, and spoke with a voice as gentle as a hammerhead shark's pupils. Left with no choice, I slayed this beast and from his inner belly, removed the Prophecy of a Thousand Angels.

It is this prophecy that led me chasing stars and fairies for almost the next thousand years. It all started when I read the first sentence from this divine document. Even before I had finished, I could feel the Inevitable Forces splitting hairs throughout the Universe -- and then it happened . . .

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The Coin of Pangeanagoya
Sometimes, when you think you have your life all figured out, she bites you on the tail with an almost quotidian veracity of zealous torque. Ah, so let me continue where I had left off, where it all began about 9 months ago . . .

As I looked down, I saw that it was not a penny that I had tipped! Oh no, my friend, it had been much more—I had most carelessly given her the Coin of Pangeanagoya. I tried to retrieve that coin, but as the creases on this fair maiden's hand were infinitely deep, I quickly lost view of this treasure's very essence. Ergo, I dived into her hand as well.

What then ensued is impossible to describe, but I will do so anyway. I crashed into the River of Stygo, and my hairy body instantly desiccated as my epidermal amino acids reacted with the 70 degree Celsius sweat of this river like an African rhinoceros beetle sucking the green pigments from a ripe Norwegian avocado. After many days of endless drifting, I landed on the shores of Ika-Mahiriniriji. There, I met a young count named Mankajuice and immediately asked him if he had seen the Coin of Pangeanagoya.

"Yes," he said. "I have. The men of I have obtained the Coin and plan to release it into the fiery fumes of Mount Hirolima."

"No, this cannot be!" I bewailed, for I knew that if the Coin were to be fermented by such evil fumes, Dire, one of the 8 evil warlords of the ancient world, would be reborn as the President of Paraguayo.

"Where are the men of I?" I demanded to know. But, before Mankajuice dared to reply, it happened . . .

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The hundred day slumber
When I awoke this morning, the sky was a soft mauve color. I almost could not believe it. I had been sleeping for the past 128 days. The staff at NuTang gave me a warm welcome when I returned to the labs today. I was bombarded with more questions than a pigeon could masticate in 2 minutes.

I worked through lunch. At 4 PM, I held a meeting with 8 of the team leaders. I felt quite apprehensive at first. But, it seems things have gone well during my absence. My initial malaise dissipated like a cloud of macerated strawberries submerged 2048 feet below sea level.

Our conversations quickly veered from work to silly nonsense. At one point, Izakeerlahieniajoya remarked at how hirsute I had become. Azaneboya then quickly interjected: "Hoy Papagoya, is that Yeti worker your relative? I can definately see the family resemblance!" Wawawoywa-hehawawa. . . we all guffawed.

Yes, we shared some memorable laughs. However, the day had been relatively uneventful in terms of advancements in our research—or so it seemed.

After work, as I hurried to the subway, I was stopped by a female who needed some change. Priding myself to be one magnanimous baboon, I instantly reached into my trenchcoat for some. Little did I know, this donation would forever change my life.

I looked down as I handed her the penny. And then it happened . . .

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