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Bleak
Monday. 10.9.17 9:04 pm
The start of my 32nd year of life on this planet was last Thursday. Two days later I was sick. Forgive me if I don't have super positive outlooks for the coming year.

Sure, I have things to look forward to. I've got plans. Travel. Maybe finally moving? Who knows. The cold seems to be an omen. I dunno if it's a good one or bad one, but the pessimist in me isn't exactly willing to cave so easily to the optimism trying to fight its way through. Sure, I could find some silver linings. Like, I could have gotten sick and had to call out from work. Instead, I've spent the last three days on my week off indoors trying to soothe my throat so that my voice will come back eventually. And also going through an entire box of tissues.

I could be worse. I could have strep. Or pneumonia. Or the flu. This is just a cold. At least I got to actually enjoy my 31st birthday, and the subsequent day after, before coming down with a cold. "You've had your fun, now here's a reminder that you're getting old and your immune system isn't what it used to be!"

I hate being sick. Though I don't know of many people who enjoy it.

At least it's October. All the Halloween stuff is out and the weather is finally cooler. It's my favorite time of year. Despite illness plaguing me at the moment.

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Waves
Friday. 8.25.17 9:17 pm
A few years ago I wanted to write every single day. This year, the tides have turned and I have barely written anything. As much as it's good to document things, I also feel like it's important to simply go out and enjoy. Kinda like how when you go out to do certain things and forget to take pictures; it's good to just experience, rather than document. Not that my life as of late has involved many experiences. It's a good thing to keep in mind regardless.

Or I'm just trying to make excuses to justify why I suck so hard at keeping up with these this year.

July was pretty mellow on the weekend front. It was nice having a bit of downtime. The last weekend of the month was packed with stuff. I saw my therapist about the apathy nonsense, I saw an amazing play, that resulted in me buying my first ridiculously overpriced memorabilia. I did my second of three runs this year. And went to a game night with some friends.

August has been off and on busy. I've been making several spontaneous outings. The first week was overtaken by this thing called GISHWHES (the Greatest International Scavenger Hunt the World Has Ever Seen; you can look it up if you'd like, I don't feel like explaining it) and a cousin in town that I've not seen since my 17th birthday. Random things that come up last minute on weekends that I otherwise would have no plans for, but little things that don't require much thought so it makes the spontaneity worth it. I also wouldn't do them if I didn't want to. I've gotten much better at turning people down without feeling bad about doing so. Or at the very least, feeling less bad.

I know this doesn't really explain much about what's been going on, and future me is likely going to read over this and think about how maybe I should have sprinkled in just a few more details, since I think that way now already about past entries. But that's okay, because future me is just going to have to deal.

And that's where this one ends. No clue when I'll write the next one. Could be next week. Could be next month. Highly unlikely, but could be next year.

Until then. . .

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Well then
Saturday. 7.15.17 5:07 pm
I didn't realize it's been a month since my last entry. It's been a couple months since my last public entry. I'm still kind of feeling the same as I was in the last entry, but I'm also in a 'fuck it' kind of mood so it's a minimized version of how I felt then.

Last weekend was the first weekend in weeks where I had absolutely zero plans and I made sure to take full advantage of it. I had one of those weekends you can only get away with as a single adult living alone. The same shirt I wore on Friday, I didn't take off until my shower Sunday night. I'm getting very close to following in the same footsteps for this weekend, however, I need to do laundry so I will be changing out of what I'm currently wearing sooner than I did last weekend.

It's kinda nice having two weekends in a row without any plans. I did go out last night after work, but that was the only plan. The tentative plans I had for tomorrow fell through. Next weekend I don't have any plans either, but the weekend after I do. I'm actually very tempted to squish two plans very close together, but I'm not sure how I feel about doing that yet. I may wait until the very last minute to decide. We'll see. I'll update on how that goes afterwards.

It's kind of strange knowing that I'm not going to be traveling anywhere this year. Since breaking the no-fly streak back in 2013, I've flown every year since, multiple times the last two years. However, this year I'd anticipated needing to take time off for a surgery I ended up not needing so my PTO is kind of reserved for trips I'm planning on taking early next year. I already have two places planned in the first two months of the year.

I thought about flying somewhere for a short period of time in October, but with the complete lack of budgeting I've done this year (I really need to get on that shit so that I actually can afford both of those trips I have planned) flying somewhere this year and being able to afford both of those trips just isn't going to work out. If the other two were a little more spread out, then maybe, but I don't want to adjust either one so I'm sticking with my no flying travel plans this year.

I still have the time off in October so I may spend some time in one of the bordering states and/or country, but I'll have to see how I feel when the time comes. I may just take my first ever stay-cation.

Anywho, aside from the apathy getting worse, nothing new is happening as of late. The strengthening apathy is probably what's causing the lack of interest in writing any form of blog entry here. Even if I take a break, I will always come back here. This is one of those safe spaces that I will never abandon. I've been a member here for coming on 13 years now so it's basically a set part of my life, even if it gets pushed to the back burner every now and again. It's always nice coming back when I do.

Until next time. . .

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Undeserving
Wednesday. 6.14.17 9:37 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Perfect illusion
Monday. 5.29.17 8:16 pm
Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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On hold
Saturday. 5.13.17 5:05 pm
The apartment search has been placed on hold for now. I've decided that I would rather pay off my credit cards, and also start saving for the vacations that are quickly approaching. We're already halfway through May and in less than 5 months, I'm going away again. Then a few months later, and another month after that, and then hopefully another few months after that. So yeah, moving has been put on hold.

In an attempt to keep my pod from becoming a sauna this summer, I will be purchasing blackout curtains. I've been hesitant to drill holes in to the walls because I'm horrible about remembering to fill them once I'm ready to vacate, but it'll be worth it to not have it get too hot since I'm now staying here. I mean, there's already pinholes in the wall from me putting up sheets over the last few summers in an attempt to keep the sunlight out.

My vehicle is no longer a hazard to my front seat passengers. I had gotten a recall in the mail a little over a month ago for the passenger airbag. It had the possibility of exploding upon impact, and throwing out shrapnel at people's faces. Not exactly the type of safety feature that airbags usually advertise. After waiting about a month for the letter to come in the mail saying that the part was ready, I decided to call and check on the status. The guy who I spoke to was super helpful, told me they hadn't received anything yet, but instead actually ordered the part for me. And because it was a recall, I didn't have to pay for it to be replaced. I took it in today, and was told it would take a little under two hours. It took about 45 minutes so that was a nice surprise. Overall, it was far better than the last time I had taken my car in to a dealer to get serviced, which was years ago at this point. No one was trying to convince me to trade in my car, no one tried to upsell anything to me, or try to convince me that I needed this done, or needed that done. I know I need some work on my car, but nothing that I can afford at the moment. They even took it through their car wash and got it mostly clean again. I need to have it detailed, but it looks much better than it did before.

I feel like I've been busy again, but since I'm not writing about it every day, or posting things, I am having a hard time keeping track of everything I'm actually doing. This weekend, the only plan was to have my car fixed, and it shall remain as the only plan. Next weekend I'm busy both Saturday and Sunday, the weekend after is Memorial Day weekend and I have plans on at least one of those days, though not sure which day yet. Then the weekend after a few of us are going out of town because that's what the one friend wants to do for her birthday. I think the weekend after that I'm going out of town again, and then maybe the weekend after that is a hike? I don't know when I'm going to have another chill weekend, so this one now needs to be taken full advantage of.

Anywho, I wanted to try to avoid going another almost full month between entries so I figured I'd type this up real quick.

Until next time. . .

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