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thaitanic | Let's make a story... - Posted on 2006-10-03 21:42:16
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who would be interested in using this thread to write a ridiculously long story? each person can add onto whatever the previous person has left off. sound good? okay, i'll start. hopefully someone follows up. here we go:

once upon a time, which was 1:45pm, by the way, there lived a man and his fairy. this man lived in a mansion on the west side of jenkinstown, illinois. his fairy lived in the guesthouse. everyday, this fairy would torment the man about picking up women at bars... rather, his lack of doing so.

"there are lots of fine honeys down at smokey's." said the fairy.
"i know," said the man, "but sometimes i just get too nervous to approach them. what should i do to counteract my downfall?"
"for starters, you can shave that jungle of a chest you have growing there." answered the fairy. the man felt his own chest.
"i think you're right." he said. "but i don't have the equipment that i'd need for such a hefty job. perhaps we can take a trip down to the hardware store."
"that's the spirit!" said the fairy.

so the man and his fairy left the mansion and began their quest to get supplies for chest hair removal...

(now you continue it.)

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Silver-dot- | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-03 21:57:32
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They entered the hardware store with the ding-a-ling that announced their presence. A mini giant came up to them and grabbed the fairy.

"Ahhh! Hands off, you overgrown tiny mutt!"

"Uh-uh, sorry? I-I thought ya were a-uh-a fly."

"Well, I'm not!" snapped the fairy. "I'm a fairie and I'm bi!"

The man waited as the fairy flew out of the creature's grasp. The tiny figure flew several circles around the man and drawing a deep breath to speak. It took a lot of effort and a lot of air to be heard.

"One lawnmower for the wild grass...and maybe an electrical sandpaperer? Those are some bumps you got there."

randomjunk | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-03 22:23:34
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They went to the register to buy their things, but decided they'd rather steal them.

Suddenly, the ghostbusters appeared out of nowhere!!!

"WHO YA GONNA CALL?" they shouted in unison.

"NOT YOU!" said the man and his fairy.

So the ghostbusters sucked up the fairy and the man and made them into evil jello zombies.

The evil jello zombies were liver flavored, so no one would eat them even if it meant saving the city.

"GASP" all the people in the store said.

"Maaaaaawwwwwrrrrrbwaaaaa" said the zombies. Nobody could understand what they were saying, so they didn't really try.

Screaming, everyone fled the store and ran into the nearest shelter. The nearest shelter just happened to be the White House.

"RAAAAAAHHHHHDDDDD! RAAAAAAAAHHHHHD!!!" the two evil liver zombies chanted. And they painted the white house red.

This made Dubya pretty angry, so he came out with a nuclear weapon that had been "found in Iraq" and shot all the zombies.

middaymoon | from silver dot - Posted on 2006-10-03 22:29:34
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The man casually swatted the fairy. "i'd like a heavy-duty electric shaver. preferably one that can cut through steel mesh." The mini giant just stared at the fairy. "HEY, you!" The man, who we shall call Orpheus, snapped his fingers, and the overgrown midget jumped guiltily. "Is she really bi?"

"Why do you care? I have a nasty set of weeds that'd I'd like to be rid of. Maybe then some grass could grow." () "I thought you wanted a 'lectric shaver..."

"Yes, yes. Get the shaver, you stupid moron." Suddenly the obese skinny man grabbed the fairy again. He was pretty fast. "DON'T. CALL. ME. NAMES." The fairy, who was known to many as Legs, couldn't respond through the thick forefinger covering her windpipe. Orpheus shouted loudly enough to startle the anorexically skinny fat man, stole the razor, and ran out of the shop. A few seconds later Legs caught up with him. "He wasn't too smart, was he?"

"No. He wasn't"

thaitanic | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-03 22:37:12
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so after narrowly escaping the president's nuclear attacks, orpheous and legs the fairy decided that perhaps their clever tactics in apocalyptic avoidance could be used for the greater good of mankind. but first, they needed to go get some waffles.

"hey," said legs, "perhaps our clever tactics in apocalyptic avoidance could be used for the greater good of mankind!"
"i agree," said orpheous, "but first, let's get some waffles."

they walked to the closest waffle house, and were stopped at the front door by a large black (yes, that's politically correct) bouncer named reggie.

"sorry yall." said reggie, with a half smirk, "we don't take kindly to your types around here."
"what, like fairies?" asked legs.
"or crackas?" asked orpheous.
"neither." said reggie, who then used his size 34 boot to punt the man and legs the fairy into another dimension, literally.

"what the hell are we supposed to do now?" asked legs the fairy. she then pulled out a box of fairy crackas, and began munchin' them down.
"hey, what's that?" said orpheous, pointing at a blurred shape in the distance.

bluetopaz | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-03 23:28:50
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The blurred shape grew bigger and bigger, and blurrier and blurrier. Before they knew it, it was right in front of them. They... didn't know what it was.

"Who are you?" Orpheus asked.
"I'm Blur."
"Well, that's kinda obvious," Legs harrumphed.

Blur was exactly what he was, a blurry blob with no discernable face or body parts, but sounded a lot like Paris Hilton.

"Where are we?"
"I was gonna ask you that," Blur said.
"You're no help at all! Why don't you go back to where you came from!" Legs screamed, infuriated.
"Why don't you shut your mouth, bitch!"

Legs couldn't take it anymore and zoomed right into... some body part of Blur's and they began to brawl.

thaitanic | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-04 08:32:41
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perhaps there was more to blur than orpheus saw, because as legs and blur began to brawl, they found that blur was not having a tough time tearing legs apart, limb by limb. soon, legs was just a pile of viscera and some unidentifiable flesh parts.

"thanks for that." said orpheus. "i was getting tired of being bossed around."
"you're welcome." said blur. blur sniffed the air. "did you recently have jello by any chance?"
"don't you worry about that" said orpheus.

blur and orpheus paraded off into the sunset. as they approached the horizon, they realized that they were walking towards the edge of whatever plane of existence they were on. when they finally did reach the edge, they stopped and stared at each other for an inappropriately long time. then, they both shrugged their shoulders, and jumped.

farther and farther they fell, until they landed in a blue liquidy substance, the likes of which were unknown to them. we commonly know this to be water.

both orpheus and blur re-emerged to the surface of the water, and waded, and waded, and waded, hoping that rescue would soon seek them.

Bartholomew | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-04 09:33:11
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The faint smell of limburger blades sliced through the air like a knife through cheese. The cavalry was coming.

The Fermented Cheese Brigade (FCB) landed with extreme buoyancy on the sea of blueberry Kool-Aid, and they scoffed it. Armed with pea-shooters, they opened a vegetarian (but not vegan) assault on Orpheus and The Blur. In all their meatly strength, they swam faster than a leopard in a canoe and dodged the vicious green spheres. "We'll not be made split pea soup today!" one of them boyishly ejaculated.

And so dolphins were obviously invented, and cursed with eternal hairiness on their ventrum (thusly making them mammals). But the protistas would not take kindly to this. They were renown as the hairiest beings in all the universe, and did not appreciate new competition. Hilfiger, then the Commander of the hairy prostian army, sent leather spy planes to scour the seas and collect data on the breeding rituals of the hairy dolphins. But Orpheus and The Blur were smarter than your average bear. They disguised themselves as hairy octopi, which disguised themselves as a hairy rock. The resulting panic at the discovery of the species of hairy rocks sent the protistan community into a panic. Their terror alert system was raised to Autumn Afternoon Scarlet, and the faces of the elite cabal of rocks with 5 o' clock shadows were printed on a Backgammon set.

thaitanic | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-06 09:06:15
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luckily for the hairy protistan special ops forces, backgammon was part of their basic training.

the feud quickly turned into war; semicolons because manditory for the story's telling. the hairy octopi disguised as rocks, which i am now going to refer to from now on as "rocktopi", quickly transformed back into dolphins, and then back into the true forms of orpheus and the blur; that being, orpheus a common man, and the blur, or couse, a snozzberry cobbler. orpheus quickly at the snozzberry cobbler; it transformed him into a being so mighty that not even the powerful hairy protistas could conquer. orpheus towered over the single-celled organisms; he began to step all over them. little did he know that tiny protistas had an army of quadrojillions; it eventually became a stand-off.

orpheus looked deep into the eyes of the protistas, and reached into his back pocket for his secret weapon!

Silver-dot- | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-06 10:43:45
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Behold, it was Legs' collection of kidney stones! Each was a myriad of green and purple tones spanning from booger burgers to 100-year-old blood stains. Squished in the center was the gift of immortality to be bestowed upon the creature it is thrown at.

With the stones in one hand, Orpheus opened the inhumanely large cavern of a mouth and hundreds of vampire-bats flew out. The queen was Venus, whose blue laser beams turned all her enemies into lovesick beetles. She turned her laser eyes to Orpheus's enemies and all fell to their knees before her.

"I will not return your love. Go throw yourselves off the end of this plane!"

"Yes, my love." they chorused. "But if your affection is never to be gained, we shall fall with your daggers in our eyes."

"Very well." With a flick of her fingers, her fellow bats spat out the daggers to pierce each eyeball quickly and efficiently. "Now Orpheus!"

He hacked out the last of the bats and roared. The arm swung once, twice, and the stones struck them all in the groin. They fell off the plane without a sound to live forever falling with the horrible pain of heartbreak.

Out of nowhere came Legs back into existance.

"Eh. I still say we should have skinned and chopped them into royal soup."

randomjunk | Untitled - Posted on 2006-10-26 22:33:00
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After their exhausting adventure Legs and Orpheus decided to get some food at the local McDonalds. Little did they know that that particular McDonalds was.... EVIL!!!!

Orpheus went inside the restaurant and ordered fries, with a Happy Meal for Legs.

"They should call this the Crappy Meal, not the Happy Meal" she grumbled. Her hunger exceeded her cynicism though, so she ate it.

Orpheus ate his fries slowly, one at a time. He chewed thoughtfully and began comtemplating why flies are so stupid. One of these flies fell into his ketchup and he accidently had fries à les flies.

The fly happened to be radioactive and it turned Orpheus into a mutant with six ears and no nostrils....

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