"...as if she was hoping the dingy, green-laced monstrosities would reveal some secret that would allow her to finally understand why I had made that choice."
~Me in regards to my first girlfriend


Have you ever wondered what is so striking about a person's shoes that makes the person you are desperately trying to have a serious conversation with stare at them to no end? Most people claim that they look at shoes only when they don't want to look at the other person. That is not why I look at shoes.

One of the things that I have taken to doing is writing up editorials that I have affectionately named Random Rants!. I write them up on everything and anything that strikes my fancy, and release them on Tuesdays. A while back I wrote one up on what shoes say about a person. I thought I would share it with you all. Just because. ;o)

~*~
Random Rants! Vol. I, Iss. V

Welcome back, my dirty little monkeys *Whoosh-CRACK* (I have been watching too much Craig Ferguson lately. He is the sexiest Late Night talk show host EVER, after all).

What day is it, can you please tell me? What day is it? I'm confused you see.
Is it Sunday? No.
Is it Monday? No.
Is it Tuesday, bluesday, wanna wear your shoes day?

Yes (ok well it's not Tuesday anymore, but it was when I started this- I apologize for it being so late- I assure you that the next issue will be on time). And that brings us to our Random Rants! topic for today: Shoes. That's right, Shoes. Not just any shoes, but my shoes, your shoes, and Neil Patrick Harris' shoes.

A while ago, my dear friend Rhys lead me to a wonderful community on Journal Fen called The Establishment, a BDSM RPS RPG (Bondage-Discipline-Sadist-Masochist Real-Person-Slash Role-Playing-Game). This issue of Random Rants! has very little to do with said community, and none of the connection will lead you to any of the really fun stuff that is on said community. What this issue will lead you to is this entry by an Establishment character about his shoes.

Oh, to wax philosophical about shoes!

On June 18, 2006 at 07:31 pm the completely FICTIONAL journal entry left by a person who is merely PRETENDING to be one Neil Patrick Harris included the following statements:

"I'm wearing my L.A. shoes. They're flat brown sandals, plain, two leather bands crisscrossed over the toes...

You can't just nudge these shoes off with your toe. The elaborate double buckle ensures that you have to sit down and worry the strap out. Changing your shoes is a decision. You have to decide to go out, you have to decide to go shopping, to go to the gym, to go to a show, and each decision is accompanied by a choice of appropriate footwear. There is no whimsy here, rather, one decides to look whimsical."

This brings a question to my mind: Does this idea of making a decision about one’s shoes not transfer to the rest of their day (as that last sentence implies) every time you decide to wear any particular pair of shoes? Today, I wish to examine this idea.

So, The basic idea is that when you choose your shoes- choose to wear shoes, choose which shoes to wear, and even choose how to wear said shoes- you are setting up the tone of decision making for the rest of your day. When you choose to wear your thigh high boots with buckles all up the sides and the scrunchy toes that you have to push and pull your feet into for a full ten minutes before you are ready to go, you are setting up the rest of your day ready to take on and make hard decisions- decisions that take thought, hard work, and cannot be half-assed. On the contrary, when you decide to wear your flip-flops, which take virtually no work or conscious effort to put on and can be changed out of on a moments notice, you are setting up to take the decisions of your day in a more nonchalant manner- allowing things to come and go as they please and allowing yourself to 'roll with the punches', if you will.

If this is true, then what can you tell about a person by their choice of foot wear? Apparently, when you encounter the FICTIONAL Neil Patrick Harris while he is wearing his "L.A. Shoes" you can tell that today he is taking his decisions in hand and giving them a firm beating (this could be considered another connection to said BDSM RPS RPG, but I think you might be stretching it).

What of my shoes then? Most often I wear my flip-flops: which, as I had already said, would indicate that I intended to be rather indecisive. I suppose you could say that this is true. I am a rather indecisive person on the whole- tending to bend and weave through the tides of my life, ready to change at a moments notice. So, that works into this idea.

Nyari tends to wear her hiking boots most often. These boots are more involved than your average pair of shoes- requiring her to untie and re-tie the laces each time she changes in and out of them. Also, the boots have two types of braces for the laces- traditional holes and hooks. When she chooses to lace the boots all the way up- which she always does- she not only has to take the time and effort to lace the taller shoes, she has to choose to deal with both styles of braces.

According to this theory about shoes and decisive people, I would say that Nyari is a much more decisive person than I am (this is shown by that fact that she must actually decide to tie her rather involved shoes). She approaches her day with the knowledge that life is diverse, and she must be willing and able to handle this diversity (this is shown by her choice both to buy and wear shoes that require two different styles of lacing to tie).

My friend Danny wears Vanns-like sneakers, which he ties and unties every time he changes them. Apparently, these shoes are more comfortable than Vanns, but cost more. I would say that Danny's choice of shoes shows that he is willing to do what he has to do to get what he wants. He wants more comfort, so he buys the more expensive and more comfortable shoes. I would also say that his choice to tie the shoes each time shows even more of a willingness to get what he wants- he wants his shoes tight because that is how he is comfortable and so he takes the extra time to tie them the way he likes them everyday. Danny's decisions are based on assuring his own comfort level- he will do what he thinks would result in the highest level of comfort for himself.

My friend Tony prefers to wear hiking boots, though recently he has been wearing converse high-tops. I would say that his choice of shoes shows that he requires/longs for a lot of support in his life and daily choices, but he is also willing to do what is necessary to get that support (this is shown by his wearing high-tops, which are designed with support in mind, and by him being willing to take the time to lace and unlace them everyday to get that extra support). So his decisions, according to this theory, would be influenced by how much support he would and would not get because of them.

My friend Jade wears Vanns, which she does not tie but rather uses those curly laces that stay in place on their own. Knowing the reasons behind her choice of both shoes and laces would lead me to believe that she is very practical. She needs the extra width that the Vanns provide, and she can not tie her own laces so using laces that do not need o be tied is very logical. I know, I cheated on this one, I know the reason she chooses her shoes so I had more insight into what her shoes say about her. But, even if she had not TOLD me that this is why she wears Vanns and uses those shoe laces, when you see that she can not tie her own laces, at least you would be able to tell that she was practical for getting the laces at first glance... Jade’s decisions would be based on logic and practicality.

I do not know anyone who wears expensive and/or stylish shoes- but suppose you met someone who was wearing the newest and most fashionable (and utterly uncomfortable) Pradas (they make shoes, right?). Judging purely on that information I would have to say that this person was rather prideful- the type of person who makes their decisions based on how their actions will make them look. This is not necessarily a bad thing- it is merely showing that this person's shoes tell me that they would do what they had to do to make the 'right' impression on others.

Remember that each of these interpretations is just that- an interpretation. I am trying my damnedest to keep my inside knowledge of these people out of it. Also remember that the theories about each person's decision making would only apply to the days which they were actually wearing the shoes I used for an example. If Nyari isn't wearing her hiking boots, then this interpretation would not apply that day.

Now, we have only looked at what the style of shoe a person wears can tell us, but there are several other aspects to foot-coverings that should be addressed- How one wears their shoes, socks or no socks, the condition of the shoes, how many different options of footwear a person owns, and even the time a person spends wearing their shoes as compared to shoeless. I will not torture you all by actually going in-depth into these aspects as I did with shoe style, rather I will merely look at my own shoes.

Shoe Horoscopes for Me and for You

When we combine these several different aspects of shoes, we can compile what Nyari so helpfully dubbed a "Shoe Horoscope". A good example of the very FICTIONAL Neil Patrick Harris doing just that can be found here. The actual conversation about shoes does not begin until a little more than halfway through the conversation. Here are some good examples of "Shoe Horoscopes" that Neil gives his FICTIONAL friends in this FICTIONAL conversation:

"You kick them on and off, and don't trouble with tying or untying your laces. Says you're running late, and need to remember where you've put things...

...You're the only one not wearing sneakers. Clearly, our collective laziness has not worn off on you yet...

...He's got style and he's not afraid to show it..."

Alright, so lets see what my whopping six pairs of shoes say about me.

First off, we have my flip-flops. As I already said, these show an indecisiveness about me. Also, I very rarely keep them on for long, this is one of the reasons I like them so much, I can take them off and put them back on without anyone noticing. This tendency to go shoeless shows a free-spirit, a dislike for being confined and a need for change (at least, that's what I would think it means).

Next, I have my much loved, very worn-in pair of Vanns. These Vanns have not been untied since the day I bought them, though they have been retied because they came loose. Again, I never leave them on longer than I have to. I may or may not wear socks with them. There are several scuff marks on the heels from toeing them on and off. I say that this shows a laziness about me. It also shows (as indicated in the quote above) that I am running late very often and a tendency to forget where I have put things.

I will soon own two bright and shiny new pairs of boots- both of which are knee high and zip up the side. The one pair has buckles all up the side, but they are just for decoration, and a two inch stiletto heel. The other is plain, brown, imitation leather with a rather high block heel and a slight platform. I can only go on style here, since I have yet to actually bring these shoes home and wear them. The buckled boots show a tendency to be over the top and extroverted- they are boots designed to catch the attention of others. The fact that the buckles are just for show and they have a simple zipper shows a certain amount of practicality, and the lower but pointed heel shows a sense of sexuality that is hidden below a practical surface. The brown boots show a longing for power and a feeling that the wearer is not on par with those around them.

I have a very old and much loved pair of Dr. Scholl’s wooden sandals. These shoes have several chips in the wood, the grip is nearly worn off the bottom, there is a toe strap for extra control, and the leather was once a tan color but has since turned slightly gray. The general disrepair of these shoes shows that the wearer is uncaring of how they are viewed and also that they are unorganized and messy. The loud clip-clop sound that these shoes make draws attention and shows that the person wearing them is comfortable with that attention. The extra toe strap on these shoes shows that the wearer needs to feel as though they are in control of something in an otherwise cluttered and stressful world.

Lastly, I own one pair of 'fancy' shoes. They are black suede, have a three inch rubber soled heel, and are Mary Jane style. They are always covered in lint and I never wear them for longer than ten minutes, no matter where I am. I took them off at the school President's Honor's dinner and walked around her house bare foot, even. My unwillingness to actually wear these shoes shows not only a dislike of the shoe itself, but also a dislike of the general view of femininity. There is nothing more girly than a pair of Mary Janes. The fact that the shoe has a rubber sole shows a flexibility to my femininity and the fact that these shoes- which are reserved for events in which I must be the 'proper young lady'- are not very well taken care of shows a disregard for what I view as the traditional sense of femininity.

I very rarely wear socks, and when I do they are inside-out so as to avoid the seams. The fact that I do not wear socks often shows, again, a dislike for being confined, and the fact that they are inside out shows a need to be different, if only in a small way.

And that would be all I can tell you about my own Shoe Horoscope.

And So It Goes, And So It Goes

Does this theory work? Can one’s choice of shoes give you an insight into that person's personality or mood that day? Well, I could say yes, as I think that my Shoe Horoscope was rather accurate, but then I did it myself and might have just been seeing what I wanted to.

To the people that I used as examples, did your Shoe Horoscope fit? I could say that I think they fit rather well, but then I wrote them and I might have just seen in your shoes what I already see in each of you. So the question must be answered by you- do you feel that the above shoe-readings were accurate? Should I open up shop and begin a whole new form of psychic interpretations called "If the Shoe Fits- Shoe Readings and Horoscopes"? Am I just off my nut and totally warped? - Don't answer that last question.

What's the prediction here? Have I finally found that million dollar idea? Well, what do you guys think?

~*~

Once the results were in, there was no denying that the Shoe Horoscopes did in fact match each person’s personality quite well. I was very pleased that a few people I did not know requested I do a Shoe Horoscope for them. I was worried that my knowledge of the people made it easier for me to make accurate interpretations, but even with the people I did not know, the Horoscopes were about 80% accurate. I would say that’s not bad at all.

What’s that? You say that you could not live another day without getting your very own Shoe Horoscope? Well, alright, alright! There’s no need to beg! If you want a Shoe Reading, just leave me a comment and tell me what shoes you wear and how you wear them, and I shall do my best!

Now, please, come away from the ledge. ;o)

Sincerely,
~Swanky

Categories: Randomness [t]

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