Speak to My Finger

I chatted with a long lost friend from France. I didn't know she is having depression and now attending psychiatrist sessions. She recommended me to take Prozac since I'm also in sort of depression. But I'm just afraid I will be addicted to it. Ha!

Anyways, she was telling me to go and relax and find happiness in every small thing I do or just do silly things like walking on the white lines on the road - of course I have to watch out for cars and python... don't know why recently the firemen here have been catching a lot of pythons. And etc.

To be frank, I do do things to relax myself like spending time over a book at Starbucks or some cafe in the mall before heading home. But I want a permanent relaxation even at home. Home is a place where you can rest, but if your home doesn't have that comfy ambience, you won't want to go home. Instead, it will be a dreadful task to just go home. I feel that way when my father is around. I just don't want to go home. The cheery feeling I have turns into a dreadful anxiety and teary. I can hear myself screaming.

But that's not the main topic for this entry. I was just thinking of money and happiness. To find happiness in small things ... makes me think which option is better (or not).

a) Save up the money for bigger activity like traveling and spend none on 'luxuries' like going to Starbuck or have a fine dining meal once in a while.

b) Every now and then spend on luxury items like Coffee Bean coffee and at the same time save up the money.

c) Just spend it all or save it up all for retirement. No fun activities whatsoever.

I was thinking hard over this because option a and b seems so impossible in Malaysia. Everything here has gone up in prices especially necessity items - sugar price has just gone up from RM 0.60 to over RM 1.00 per kg (correct me if I'm wrong) - and our salary has not risen in years. Workers in McDonald are earning like RM4.50 per hour. Even fresh grad is earning like RM1800 per month. Is that enough? No. It is not.

If you get to save for your traveling activities, then you won't get to save for your retirement. It's an opportunity cost and neither is relieving at all. Because our purchasing power has shrunk, the money we save for retirement may not even be enough despite having a mandatory retirement fund: EPF. The EPF money seems to be a lot in a pool but once spending it ... it's just so insufficient unless you stay in rural areas and give up on all luxuries. It would be best to camp in a forest to enjoy the nature luxury if there is any forest still left when we retired.

This is heartbreaking. This is a torn in between situation. Do you just give up your luxuries for your future knowing it's not a guarantee that you will have a better future?

I find this very heartbreaking. And oh, I'm doing option b. I don't see why I can't enjoy life NOW when I work damn hard to earn the money and yes I still save. But recently I have been spending quite a lot on items I know I should not indulge. But as I said, why save all when you don't allow yourself to enjoy at the very moment? Because it is not every time you have a moment like this to enjoy life.

My investment manager is so gonna scream at me if she reads this post because she simply doesn't agree but I'm better than her daughter in spending wisely. At least I learn financial matters on my own when the daughter doesn't even need to worry about money when her parents are already millionaires.