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The Invitation- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
What you need to know
Name: Meggyo
Status: in a relationship
Occupation: student at Slippery Rock Unviersity
Majors: exercise science and enlgish lit
Location: Hershey PA for now
Who I am: a ridiculous short girl who is trying to live the most now while looking so eagerly foward to the rest of her life
Where I wish I was: in his arms
Current question: should I stop wishing for things to go back to how they used to be?
Song of the day: ps. if this is austin by Brad Paisley
The Dance- OMD
I have sent you my invitation,
the note inscribed on the palm of my hand by the fire of living.
Don’t jump up and shout, “Yes, this is what I want! Let’s do it!”
Just stand up quietly and dance with me.

Show me how you follow your deepest desires,
spiraling down into the ache within the ache,
and I will show you how I reach inward and open outward
to feel the kiss of the Mystery, sweet lips on my own, every day.

Don’t tell me you want to hold the whole world in your heart.
Show me how you turn away from making another wrong without abandoning yourself when you are hurt and afraid of being unloved.

Tell me a story of who you are,
and see who I am in the stories I live.
And together we will remember that each of us always has a choice.

Don’t tell me how wonderful things will be . . . some day.
Show me you can risk being completely at peace,
truly okay with the way things are right now in this moment,
and again in the next and the next and the next. . .

I have heard enough warrior stories of heroic daring.
Tell me how you crumble when you hit the wall,
the place you cannot go beyond by the strength of your own will.
What carries you to the other side of that wall, to the fragile beauty of your own humanness?

And after we have shown each other how we have set and kept the clear, healthy boundaries that help us live side by side with each other, let us risk remembering that we never stop silently loving
those we once loved out loud.

Take me to the places on the earth that teach you how to dance,
the places where you can risk letting the world break your heart.
And I will take you to the places where the earth beneath my feet and the stars overhead make my heart whole again and again.

Show me how you take care of business
without letting business determine who you are.
When the children are fed but still the voices within and around us shout that soul’s desires have too high a price,
let us remind each other that it is never about the money.

Show me how you offer to your people and the world
the stories and the songs
you want our children’s children to remember.
And I will show you how I struggle not to change the world,
but to love it.

Sit beside me in long moments of shared solitude,
knowing both our absolute aloneness and our undeniable belonging.
Dance with me in the silence and in the sound of small daily words,
holding neither against me at the end of the day.

And when the sound of all the declarations of our sincerest
intentions has died away on the wind,
dance with me in the infinite pause before the next great inhale
of the breath that is breathing us all into being,
not filling the emptiness from the outside or from within.

Don’t say, “Yes!”
Just take my hand and dance with me.
what counts
Monday. 8.1.05 12:10 pm
Last night I drank at least 4 cups of coffee, saw Ash and Kelly in Starbucks, went to see "must love dogs", recounted some events to a "thriving to be" criminal justice major, talked about loves and lives, ate peanut butter and banana sandwiches, and rode in my first stick shift car....

But inspite of those 5.5 hours of my day, the best part of all was spending the almost 4 hours till 3:30am recounting our days, singing nursery rhymes, looking for "and I love her" song lyrics, discussing what if's, and... falling even more in love. THAT is what it's all about kiddos.

It's already August 1st... dang. 5 days till Hershey Park (although I see so far we're supposed to get thunderstorms, maybe we can have just as much luck as we did for Casey's bday), and 12 days till 24 hour relay. 22 days till SRU!!! I am excited beyond belief for all three of those events to occur... most of which requires planning, shopping, and packing. I should get on doing all of that today and Wednesday since those are my two days off work. I need to keep up running too. Arite mom is home, she was pretty pissed last night at 4am when I got up to get a drink... gotta go.

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Drinking... my diet pepsi
Thursday. 7.28.05 1:17 pm
So I hear that Wedding Crashers is a must see, from about 5 ppl now. *sigh* I guess "Must love dogs" might have to wait...

so last night's bowling was fun, scored two games, of 100!!! Drove my first drunk person, actually he was more just tipsy. Was surprised at how kinda embarassed I was to be sitting with a loud tipsy person, and then how much I really didn't care... I mean half those ppl were High schoolers, so as Chris said, Screw them. Especially little ones who think they are all that,a nd try to pick fights, seriously dude give it up. Anyway, I made a promise last night... it'll be interesting.

They say that alcohol can be a truth serum for some ppl, and at work today I thought about what I would say to certain ppl if they were nearby... I think it'd be more humorous than offensive... maybe both, which is why I dislike being around drunk ppl. I see the appeal of it, pretend life as u want it to be, pretend u are someone u are not, be able to get away with saying horrible things or doing bad things and getting away with it guilt free...

Then at work I realized while cleaning a tv after Charlie came in the room fully disgusted cuz he found a condom wrapper in the trash, (at least they were using protection) *sigh* it's funny how he's so young he's still grossed out by such things... Well I realized how lucky I am. Ok so you never know how ppl will change once they hit the college scene, however, to actually find ONE guy who doesn't drink is... close to impossible it seems, however I am sure there are some... one for example, my Keith! *whew* lucky again.

I think one or two is ok (for social purposes, not to get trashed)... as long as u are not driving that whole night. You just have to know that you really are drinking ONLY one or two, cuz it's easy to think u are, but really drink much more... like any mixed drink is at least two, and a glass of wine is only half a glass. THat is on average what gives ppl that happy feeling, then 3-4 is buzzed and 5 up is drunk, then wasted.

The problem with drinking tho is ppl do stupid things, like drive. They have an enlarged sense of ability and confidence, then make wrong choices. I remember my parents would always tell me, if I were ever somewhere and for whatever reason couldn't come home cuz either I was incapable or the ppl driving were, to call them reguardless... I have to remember to keep that in mind when raising my own kids... which again, can be a surprise of drinking, u forget the condom, u think she/he's more attractive, u use bad judgement... and it's funny how guys have a hard time getting up cuz alcohol relaxes ur muscles, remember that boys. Wow I just went on quite the drinking tangent. I'm gonna go read or something, have to work out today still and play volleyball at 6pm.

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goals for this coming school year
Saturday. 7.23.05 10:40 pm
Realistic:
Keep grades up... ideally As
Climb the rock wall every week at least once
Attend one Outdoor Adventures trip each semester
Complete required hours for Americorps
Attend Care Break
Be able to run 3-5 mile with Scott
Attend lectures, shows, etc
Go to work out classes with Kara, Kate
Go to the gym every day in the mornings before class
Continue to do HOPE Peer Education
Keep in touch with Becca

Long shots:
Become a staff member of outdoor adventures
Do research with exercise science

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*sigh*
Tuesday. 7.19.05 10:30 pm
It gets harder every time to leave... sorry about ur pillow.

So 4 days.. really 3 if u count by the hours.

Quick overview/highlights in no particular order: lightening storms/Danny's house, BIRTHDAY,12am first words, food food and more food, Loaded Questions ('what do u need more of right now?' 'meghan's tight asian ass') peppered eggs, karyoke mostly sank and nick, ping pong, girl talks in christine's car, cici's, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and the best way to take a nap anddd save seats, walking upto mike's door thinking the lights were out but it was only mike's black shirt pressed up against the door way only i didn't see the rest of mike standing there too cuz I am too short, tickling, waking up in the middle of the night/morning hugs, senial shopping, hair cut, Finding Neverland, LOTR 3, Spacejam, etc... alright now I am distracted talking about what would happen if there are mosquitos around while I am rock climbing next year... so I shall think of more stuff later. The ride home was good, very relaxing, zoned out most of it thinking about Hershey Park day with the kiddos from maryland! and keith and college, and home stuff... and I realized I hadn't thought about my dad's job situation allll weekend.

Working for the rest of the week straight thru sunday, ugh.

Conversation hilarity:
cool college kid: haha....well, we'll have to sit under a tree sometime and exchange childhood stories....with bugspray..no, with you in a bubble!
me: hahahhaha thanks
me: r u mocking me?! :-P
cool college kid: haha...no, i'm not mocking you...i'm just picking:-P
me: hehe ok well either way it's cool

Lesson of the day: I've met a guy named Scott Filer since my move to PA, and that made it worth it, now my life is complete... hahahaha... missing my college crew sooooooo much! Gotta catch up with the girls sometime sooooon. I think Kate gets back today? and Katie gets back in a few days maybe.

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it's the little things
Thursday. 7.14.05 11:38 am
"Growing up is hard to do. The funny thing is, we never stop." -mciho 05

Still amazes me how one little small act of... probably in this case, cruelty, has led to so much more greatness and growth. How one sporadic conversation would lead me to ask about something, would lead to hearing about something, and all combined, making a complete full circle trip to the past. It's all stuff I want to know, and it just seems ironic that it took someone who might've been trying to make me jealous or mad for me to ensure that I would hear about it later. How one bored summer afternoon... how the dinner sucked so we went and followed our Gov to an ice cream place in timbucktoo... how Cindy got me into Bard and from there I met my best friends at college... how I looked at Slippery Rock for dance just to get there for PT and then not even do that anymore... I could go on and on.

Just bare with me while I breath again.

Pictures can be deceiving. Morale of that story, you can't judge someone by their picture.

Sometimes you're going to need to believe and trust in this FOR me.

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hmmm...
Saturday. 7.9.05 10:37 pm
What's wrong with me lately? I thought the pill stopped mood downswings.. or maybe it just causes sporadic changes.. here I go again blaming the pill. Anywho, haven't really been myself lately, I guess it's just sleeping too much and cabin fever. I went out for tea with Court yest and had some good chats. Been a lot of talk of weddings at work. We just weren;t meant to hang out tonight... haha, poor Li hit a car and I ended up watching Finding Neverland with my parents (cuz I have been begging them to see it and of course, they loved it!) I like how my room looks so far, can't wait till it is done completely and paint the shelves, put all that up whoop! One more week... can I make it? hardly. Tomorrow I need to work out something big... gaining weight and a bad mood like there is no tomorrow. ummmmm, kinda stressing out about a project. Gonna try to read three books in the remainder of my summer: The Historian, My sister's keeper, and the new harry potter. I've decided that whatever car I get, it'll be one that gets superb gas mileage. My dad found an article about how to save on gas, techniques of driving and such and I think some of it is just to give ppl a reason to drive safely. I think that's about it.. gonna go read a bit waiting for Keith to get in. Also hoping I have a day off of work tomorrow... it's been a while when I really had a day off and wasn't just not working cuz I was doing something else. goodnight.

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