Came to a realisation that girls on the net I chat to are mostly lost clueless girls in which I divulge my need for fantasy. Since I don't have any girls close to me in real life, I like to fantasize that someone I am chatting to meets the criteria and they could be the "one". Since I can base the truth on only what they choose to reveal or choose not to reveal, my perception of them is severely limited. In fact I would say they are similiar to me in that they are extremely lonely individuals as well, except they satisfy their pseudo confidence by thinking they are wanted extremely unique individuals that match all these guys criterias.

Truth of the matter is, they are severely under par. Of course this doesn't apply to all the girls I talk to, and in fact some are extremely unique individuals that I am glad I have met online. The litmus test of a girl or guy to see their actual worth is to see what kind of people they have dated. Look at their exes and it tells you a lot about those individuals. I can be proud to say the only real girlfriend I had is someone I am proud to have spent time with. She had the near perfect package , looks and a great personality. In fact I still feel like I owe her something for some of the best years of my life.

Some girls I chat to ex boyfriends consists of school drop outs, bums, "thugs", players, boring/stale individuals and think that they deserve only the best. The fact that chose to date those individuals shows that is what their worth is. It's the same reason why I wouldn't ever date a girl my friend picks up. There is nothing more sexy than a girl who knows what she wants in a guy and goes for it. I guess confidence is sexually appealing to both sexes.

I have the opportunity to meet a girl from shanghai whose apparently one of the most beautiful girls from there. My friends girlfriends friend. Apparently shes 175cm tall, pale skin, long hair, looks like some famous chinese actress. She's even willing tofly down to meet me in person. But she's got a "boyfriend". That word boyfriend just turned me off any remote interest I might have had.

In a good mood though thanks to my friends girlfriend. She said I am cute and a very nice guy. Obviously she said that because shes my friends girlfriend, but really those are rare compliments I hear, and it does bring a smile to my face however untrue. Was at a club today and she was trying to help me pick up chicks. I said no to every single girl she was going to hook up me u with until there was this gorgeous japanese girl. She looked EXACTLY like the schoolgirl from kill bill. If anything prettier. Having no courage to talk to her, my friends girlfriend dragged me onto the dance floor and I basically ran away. LOL. Friend and girlfriend tried to get the girls number to no success, she was surrounded by a swarm of guys who realised someone of her beauty coming without a boyfriend was gift of heaven , Tensai.

You know to be truthful I think I am glad I am single. I know in 99% cases I'd end up dumping them for someone better if they came along. I apply business ethics in relationship as well. If someone thats prettier, nicer, came along, why not?
Knowing my life is somehow destined, I think girls are purposily driven away or I subconciously do something wrong to make sure I wait for the true consort, someone my equal. I am sure there are many girls who are better than me at a lot of things, but I'd never think most girls as equals.. actually not one. Or perhaps I am purposily left single to make sure I don't stray from my long goal position. In fact the major reason I broke up with my ex was that she wasn't my key to success. It sounds cruel, but I will always place my amibitons ahead of any relationship.

I feel better knowing that I will have the prettiest/nicest girl as a consort that other guys can only dream aobut in their wildest fantasies. To me a consort is a business asset. She enhances a guys prestige more than a luxury car. The shameless gloating I have when I have a girl that other guys can only dream about..ahhh let my delusions go on. :)

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While having lunch with my friend who talked about his latest conquest and the method he used to abuse one of the hottest asian girls in sydney I came to a realisation on several things. My friend might not be the smartest of guys when it comes to other things, but he knows more about how females work than any living person around. He said there is not a single asian girl in the world he couldn't pick up and having seen his conquests , I have to agree.

For the past few days I've been listening to him and other girls for advice on girls and they've told me a few things that seems to be the truth. Scenario 1, a girl has a boyfriend and is still dating him. The fact she has someone she considers a boyfriend means that there is a reason why shes not broken up with him. Which a girl advised me of. Girls do have reasons why they don't break up. Advice 2 from my guyfriend is if the girl is attracted to you enough she will break off with her commitment with her boyfriend no matter how attached she is. If she refuses to give you the time of day you are wasting your time.

With his latest conquest the chinese princess, he basically abused the shit out of her methodology. She knows shes one of the hottest asian girls around, and in fact she has no girlfriends. Girls are intimidated to be her friend because there is a glaringly obvious comparison between her and them. Apparently she has more guys dangling off her than flies to carcass. She strings them along for endless free meals , free limosine service and free whatever else. Because of her beauty she thinks it's her right to treat guys like shit. In 3days he did something no other guys in Sydney could do, sleep with her, tell him she loves him then dump her.
In a way he did all of mankind a service in teaching that bitch that she has no right to play around guys. As much as she feels the pain having been played , there are no doubt hundreds of other guys who were on the receiving end of her ways.

Really attractive girls tend to be loners and have very few friends, the guys who cluster around them are like moths drawn to the flame rather than appreciate them for the candle they are. Girls are intimidated to be considered 2nd best everytime something occurs. In fact suprisingly enough they are probably nearly as lonely as I. One has looks, the other has power. No one really understands either of them, or want to understand.

The few times I bend my ego backwards to make an advance is where I get burnt. I am starting to appreciate what I have now, I might not be able to find solace in the idealistic delusional metaphysical concept called love, but I can get sex with the most attractive girls in sydney -escorts.

As much as people think they are dirty,ugly, most people who say that are obviously poor wretches who couldn't afford to go to save their life. The most powerful and richest and famous visit them which doesn't mean they are desperate. Indeed I can understand why guys pay up to $5000 a hr for a chat with one of the most beautiful girls in the world. Tycoons don't pay for sex they pay for companionship. For a few hours we escape this wretched reality and off to a universe where we are admired , pampered by the most attractive girls in the world who pretend they care for us. Indeed it is one blissful ignorance I wouldn't mind living with.

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It's come to a realisation that the only meaning for life for me is to succeed no matter what. Success is measured only by ultimate power, where others happiness depends on my choice to give them happiness or unhappiness. I have nothing else to live for, both my parents are going to die due to health problems within a few years, my sister has spinal injury and only has to fall once to be a quadraplegic for life. The people closest to me in life are the only people I can't help. With them will go the past vestiges of compassion/emotion I have leaving behind a bitter legacy.

Perhaps it's the knowledge that I have no soft spots for anything nor any weak points that I shall succeed in life. The only thing I will have left is ambition and a road to power. Nothing will stand between me and my goal, even if it means climbing over the bodies of the dead to reach the top. I thought about the position I am in, and it seems that without all the pain/hatred inside and the insanity contained within me I would not have the will to be as cold as I am now.

If I don't suceed I will be a mental wreck and probably jump over the bridge or something. *smirk* But I really do believe I have a destiney to fufill, a destiney of not my choosing, but one that is meant to shape society for better or worse.

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My friend who hooked up with the "chinese princess" actually kept on hinting he wanted to pass her onto me. Shes a masters student at usyd, 170cm tall, lives in chatswood, and really everything by superficial standard "my type". But I guess its the fact my friend picked her up that I wouldn't like to date her. No offence to him, but girls who fall for his type are girls who are superficial. (I guess I am a bigot.)

I had a thought today, with the power gained from business, how easy it could be to convert the business resources for personal gain. Exactly what stops me in getting things I want by force? Nothing except I consider it a waste of business resource. Ultimately my pleasures in life are sacrificed for the good of the business as much as anyone else. The weird part is, the business is meant to be for my benefit, yet it is also my barrier for happiness.

Power of this kind is displayed and abuse by the handful of people who run korea. Many actresses in korea have been kidnapped even underage girls for the pleasures of certain high ranked people. They were scared to take the matter to the police because 1>they would be killed 2> the police would side with the official. I guess that kind of power I crave is something I might not even pull off due to my business ethics getting in the way. If it wastes business resouces don't do it motto.

Oh well, perhaps I am destined to end up like Mr burns..miserable and a sadist enjoying the misery of other people.

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Peaking in moods of depression currently. Liable to take it out on anyone anything. Things have ocurred today which haven't made the situation better.
What good is power when you can't even use it? Fuck this world and fuck reality, and its social ethics.

Quoting "Look, if you had one shot, one opportunity To seize everything you ever wanted-One moment Would you capture it or just let it slip? " Eminem.

What good is money or power if you can't abuse it. Perhaps that's the catch-22 once you abuse money or power you lose it. But at the same end, what is the use of having it if you can't use it?

As someone close said to me, I don't enjoy life. And I don't. It's a well known fact that seems visibly clear to people who know me. I feel driven to do this rather than enjoy what I do. I seem to have merciless ethics when it comes to those that stand in my business ways, yet show compassion and leniency for those that aren't related to my business. Sometimes I wish I could abuse power over trivial matters.

I've had this kind of feeling before and I know it will erupt soon before it subsides, time to get drunk.

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Tearing down the walls
Breaching frontiers, unlocking the gates
To a new world order
A fresh balance of terror, the equilibrium of hate

Archaic nescience unleashed
Entrenched, a bitter legacy
Tempered in mental scars
All flesh entwined in mortal equality

Detached emotions overwhelming
Mental sickness, the genesis of society
A new world order born
A recycling of the old royalty

Paradigim of change
A cycle of restricted freedom
Serenating the forthcoming of death
Mortal maggots lusting for the next martyrdom

-Mr M/S/C/M

Nothing is probably going to occur today, so blogging early.

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