So she find out about my snowboarding trip. For some reason she freaked out friday night when I didn't come home. She even filed a a missing person's report on me. After calling around and harassing my friends she got the story out of Audrey's poor mommy. She cancelled the missing person's report and called the police. She reported the minivan as stolen. My grandma did something like this once to her son too. In high school he got in trouble with the police for stealing cars, taking them apart and selling the pieces. He was arrestedin front of the house and she let him stay in jail for week. Now you may be thinking he deserved it but let me tell you about how she raised him. Oh wait - she didn't. She left him in Philippines when he was only 12, in the care of his older sister (my aunt) who was only 15 at the time, while she came to the States. In the States she became obsessed with the freedom she never had in her old life. It is much like the transformation my mother experienced after finishing law school. She was exposed to a whole new world. A world full of opportunities, ripe for the picking. But one cannot embark on new endeavors while past failures and misadventures still linger. I am one of those failures. a mistake. an accident. a hurdle. an obstacle. a parasite. a leech. a plight.

She called me on our way home from the trip. I had already found out from Audrey that she knew everything. She told me not to come home. She didn't want me in her house. She said she couldn't believe how stupid I was. That the car was unreliable and that I was putting people's lives in danger. She said I had no right to take her car. And that if I had just told her about the trip she would have rented me an SUV and paid for the whole thing. She asked me when she had ever said "no" to me. She said she let me go to Ashland. She let me go on my senior trip. She said she would have paid for my birthday party. At the time I couldn't speak. She has that effect on me. Everything inside me becomes solid, incapable of movement or expression. But she has said no to me. I wasn't allowed on a rafting trip with other camp counselors. I wasn't allowed to drive down to Disneyland on my senior trip. I wasn't allowed to get my drivier's license until I was almost 19. I wasn't allowed to have my friends drive me around in high school. I wasn't allowed to drive others around in the minivan. I wasn't allowed to cross the street until I was 10. The reason for all these no's was because she didn't feel that any of them were worth the risk. And I can tell you right now that driving through the snow, to the top of a mountain to fly down its sides while my feet are strapped to a piece of plastic would not be deemed risk worthy either.

Some of you think she says no because she is worried about me. About my well being. But what really troubles her is the thought that if sanything were to happen to me, she would have to be the one to take care of the situation and of me. They were risks to her. I'm a liability.

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Hey, sweetheart. Sign out next time. Wink.

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SOOO TIRED!

TUESDAY: I find out that Joelson is having a potluck at his house on Thursday. Woot! Woot! Free Food. More importantly Free Filipino Food! Yum. I was so happy that I didn't have to plan anything for a Christmas get together too. Plus it seemed like an oppotunity to meet more people from Foothill. And did I mention the free filipino food?

WEDNESDAY: To my dismay I find out Joelson's Potluck is cancelled. In the spur of the moment I decide to have a party at my house on Friday. Mom was was cool with it and actually started cleaning the house the moment I got off the phone with her. She even wanted to get a kareoke machine! lol Unfortunately, since everybody thought the potluck would be on thursday everyone made plans for Friday. I got really frustrated and overly annoyed with the sad reality that things don't always simply fall into place. And just when I was in the height of my bitchy mood, a friend comes on line and I take it out on him. But I was already kinda pissed with him anyway. Still I felt bad and I had to call to apologize later that day. And he asks if I want to Go to LOTR with him the next day. I really didn't real like sitting through someone else epic adventure. But I still wanted to spend time with him. Although sitting quietly in a dark room wasn't what I had in mind.
I decided to go run off my frustration but it was already uber cold and dark outside, which only pissed me off more. I just wanted to go home. However when I did get home my parking space was taken. My grandma had come over to cook shrimp for my party on Friday. (I love how my family comes together to show off to others, our wonderful cooking and craft abilities) Anger reignited I drove off. I was headed toward the gym when my mom called asking me to pick some christmas decorations and other random stuff. After getting everything Irene calls and I head over to her house. She gives me my birthday gift and I feel better. She also noticed my ears were pierced as soon as I walked in the door. Isn't Irenie just lovely? We snatch Elaine from the warmth and comfort of pjs and her house. Dragging her to a movie I'm pretty sure she would never enjoy. Elf. People everywhere told me I would like this movie. I was almost insulted after veiwing it. It's late and I'm tired. Joelson calls on my way home from Milpitas. I decide to cancel my party.

THURSDAY: I spent most of the morning trying to tell everyone that I invited to my party that the thing was cancelled. Ivy and Elaine came on line though ad we threw together a different little get together. Dinner at the CHEESECAKE FACTORY! Afterwards we shopped in the mall until the place closed down. On the way home we decide to go snowboarding monday and tuesday. It was late and I didn't really know how to get to the Bart station in Fremont so I decided to just drive Patricia back to the apartment in Berkeley. We had a good conversation on the way there. I'm soo hapy that I'm getting to know Patricia more and more. I wish I had done it sooner. On the way home a portion of Highway 17 was closed forcing me to find my way through the streets of south Milpitas. I was soo tired, I can't believe I didn't fall asleep. I thought about just driving to work and sleeping in my cubicle.

FRIDAY: Sushi Lovers with Brian and Elaine. THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. For some reason he felt the need to try every gross looking and/or smelling thing there. And I finished off whatever he didn't- eck. Yet somehow I didn't feel full when we finally left, although I must say it was definently time to go. Random thought: We should always order a bowl of cherries when we go to sushi lovers. I'm not sure but I don't think I paid anything for dinner. . .

SATURDAY: Considering I hadn't gone to sleep until almost 3am for most of the week, it is understandable that I did not wake up until 12 noon and that I did not get out of bed until 1pm. I spent most of the dy relaxing checking email and playing witht hamster. I picked up Elaine and we went to the back to Valley When we left the mall it was raining pretty hard. Scariness. I decided to stay at elaine's house for the night and we stayed up talking until 5 in the morning. God I didn't realize how much I missed that and her.

SUNDAY: Elaine woke up at 8am, pissing me the hell off. I glared at her and fell back to sleep. At some point Patrick came in the room and I scared away him with the some evil glance. Patricia called about the snowboarding trip and I felt bad because I already knew that I wouldn't be able to drive them. And I really did want to play in the snow! Great picture opportunities. Since it was sunny and nice outside I suggested driving down to Monterey. We left around one. It was such a nice sleepy drive. It was only around 8 when I dropped Elaine off at home. So I went to the Great Mall, but It was already closing. I went to Valley Faire but they didn't have what I was looking for. I went to Oakridge. Voila. I found it. So happy, but now I'm kinda worried I wonder if he'll like it too. I took a picture and showed it to Patricia and Audrey. It was nice but kinda oldish looking. Too fancy maybe? Sigh. I will look at others today. And I can still return it if I chicken out and don't give it to him.

MONDAY: Which brings me to today. I didn't wake up late but I sure took my time getting out of the damn house. I didn't get to work until 9:30 but Melissa wasn't here yet either so . . . shh. . . When she did get here she was laden with Christmas goodies. She made candies and cookies and fudge, O my. WE ALSO HAD AN EARTHQUAKE! 6.2 - actually we felt the resonating wave of an earthquake that happened down past Monterey. I was standing in front of my computer when I got a little dizzy, or at least so I thought. There it would have been around a level 2.

TOMORROW: Dental Surgery. I'm fnally going to get my wisdom teeth pulled out. I only have three. But I should have had this done a long time ago. Like during my first dental surgery! I'm not looking forward to it becuase I know I'm going to feel all groggy and gross in my mouth. And I'll only be able to eat liquids for a week. bleh.

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Be it extremely emotional, controversial, messed up, or whatever, this entry has been password protected.

If you know it, enter it; or, ask me for it.

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Wow I love the way this person writes. I'm addicted. and I don't care. You want some?

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Go!!

So 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me
because you look so fine
and i really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine
that I really wanna make you mine.

Oh, 4,5,6 c'mon and get your kicks
now you dont need that money
when you look like that, do ya honey.

Big black boots,
long brown hair,
she's so sweet
with her get back stare.

Well I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yea!
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Well, so 1,2,3, take my hand and come with me
because you look so fine
and i really wanna make you mine.

I say you look so fine
that I really wanna make you mine.

Oh, 4,5,6 c'mon and get your kicks
now you dont need that money
with a face like that, do ya.

Big black boots,
long brown hair,
she's so sweet
with her get back stare.

Well I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yea!
I said, are you gonna be my girl?

Oh yea. Oh yea. C'mon!
I could see,
you home with me,
but you were with another man, yea!
I know we,
ain't got much to say,
before I let you get away, yea!
Uh, be my girl.
Be my girl.
Are you gonna be my girl?! Yea

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Yesterday one of my coworkers let me fly out of SFO and over the city of San Francisco in one of the flight simulators. And then he flew us under the Golden Gate Bridge! It was the greatest impromptu birthday gift ever. Now I kinda wish I was staying at NASA a bit longer. Where did this year go? I think I will find a government job when I'm done with school. I like these kind of people. It really did feel like a family. Another coworker is going to bake snickerdoodles for me on Friday. That's a cookie. A very yummy sugar cookie.

Last night I went out to Todai with my family. And then to a movie with Seannie when I should have been cramming for a Bio final.

It started to pour last night and I slept like a baby. What a wonderful ending to a beautiful day.

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