I don't whole-heartedly believe this, but okay.

I Am A: Lawful Neutral Gnome Bard Ranger


Alignment:
Lawful Neutral characters believe in the triumph of law and order above all else. It does not matter whether the leader is for good or evil; the leader will be followed, because the order they provide is the most important thing.


Race:
Gnomes are also short, like dwarves, but much skinnier. They have no beards, and are very inclined towards technology, although they have been known to dabble in magic, too. They tend to be fun-loving and fond of jokes and humor. Some gnomes live underground, and some live in cities and villages. They are very tolerant of other races, and are generally well-liked, though occasionally considered frivolous.


Primary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Secondary Class:
Rangers are the defenders of nature and the elements. They are in tune with the Earth, and work to keep it safe and healthy.


Find out What D&D Character You Are, courtesy of Zinious Software corporation



I got a lot of things done this afternoon.

Of course, James slept and was a lazy ass all day.

Then I come back to him bitching about everything he can think of. God. I hate this bastard. I do. He is one arrogant motherfucker. God damn it. Who the fuck does he think he is? He thinks he has a right to do the shit he does? It makes me want to scream. I can't even tell him what I really think of him in fear that I may get kicked out for it.

Fucking prick.

God damn. I was fine when I was out today.

I really need a friend. I can't take it anymore. I can't. I just want to go home and have a job waiting for me - that's all. I can't wait for the day James isn't in my life anymore. I suppose it'll feel like dying and going to heaven.

I'm so lonely.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

is a bitch. Really. I guess no matter where I live, I'm always going to have that one big bitch or asshole to deal with.

I asked her about the Fall Out Boy concert. Actually, I got bitched out before I could even ask. She said no. After she bitched and bitched about it, I let it go and I told her I'd call her back later. Then she slammed the phone down and hung up on me.

I can't stand that shit. I never even raised my voice at her. Fucking crazy shit.

*sigh* Maybe I can rent a car and me and Quint can go. Just need to find out how much it costs to rent a car and the requirements and etc.

She's calling me now.

No way in hell I'm answering the phone.

I hate when people yell and argue for no god damn reason. She acts like a fucking child. You know what? If she wants to be an ungrateful bitch about it since I was the one going to drive her freeloading ass and buy both of our tickets: if it costs me more than I can afford to rent a car, I won't buy the Switchfoot tickets so I can go to the concert I want and then she can kiss my ass. I like Switchfoot, but I'd much rather see Fall Out Boy and I will gladly use the money that was supposed to go toward seeing Switchfoot to instead see Fall Out Boy.

God damn, I hate not having a car.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

Slept with James last night. Weird.

I'm still not talking to him anymore when I leave.

I don't want to go to work.

*sigh* I need a friend. And a hug. Honestly, right now, a sincere more-than-friends hug would be sufficient. But, you know. Boys = bad.

I will be distant today.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!

James is a very disrespectful, racist, womanizer. It's disgusting.

*sigh* I need to get away from this sort of negativity.

Anywho. I came here to say that I want to go to a club when I get home. I just don't know who I could ask to go with me. Amber? Maybe I could contact Tenisha? *shrug* I'm not friends with many girls. I'll need to get a new outfit, probably.

God, it'd be fun as hell.

The Switchfoot tickets go on sale Saturday and I will be here for the internet sale. Yayness.

Since I will be home by October 2nd, I want to also go to the Fall Out Boy concert on the 14th. I just have to ask Mom if she'd be fine with me and her going and also another person that I can con into going, whoever that may be. I want to see Fall Out Boy ten times more than I want to see Switchfoot.

Comment! (2) | Recommend!

What's smart.

I've decided what is smart; I've concluded what will help me steadily and happily pursue what I've stated I wanted very badly previously.

Firstly, there will be no dating for me. No sex, no kissing, no crushing. The concerns that I have now or may have later need and will need to be put aside. Frankly, I mean no boys. Boys = bad. I don't know if it's fate or something that just is, but it has become apparent to me some time ago that I always end up having feelings for someone who is either difficult or is difficult to have in my life or be with while also considering romantic feelings. The end result of this is me inevitably feeling worthless or insufficient.

Don't get me wrong, switching feelings off like a switch isn't something that's natural to me. It's not as easy as it sounds, especially since sometimes I will be easily enamored and will grow rampant feelings and also because of my yearn for romance. But. I will try my best to keep this in mind from now on. More than likely, I won't be able to stand by this whole-heartedly because as much as I love logic, and logical actions are the only actions that make sense to me, I am also a very passionate person and I typically feel lots better going with what I feel instead. That is, at first. That is, until my feelings are hurt repeatedly. In which when that happens, I totally break down.

That's why there should be no more boys. Or men. Whatever. Er, the humans whom hide snakes in the crotch of their pants.

See, I am a bit obsessive. I will wrap my whole attention and concern around one single person - someone I may feel is currently the most important part of my life. Although no one has complained about not having my attention (besides James which makes it purely bullshit), I don't want to be that sort of person. I want everyone to have me as they need me. Alas, I am the sort of person who can't value every person as an equal in my life. I shouldn't, of course, because some people are just more important. (Ex: My mother is more important in my life than a co-worker.) But. I also shouldn't have one person towering over everyone else as if they're God (unless it is God, but that is a different story).

The worst part about it is that it hurts me. I will become so engulfed with one single person who may not even come close to reciprocating what I feel. Now, this isn't to say that I'm just crazy-obsessive to the point that I am unaware of what is going on. I do truly care about people. I just can't make myself not wrap myself in them and attempt to find absolute comfort, so the best thing to do is just back away from it. Now, that is my logic.

I do fine without having boyfriends and lots of acquaintances - male or female. At this point, I really do. Sometimes, I do way better by myself, even if it's not sane.

Also, I will need to stop caring about what people think of me. Again, I don't believe "stop caring" is natural so this will also be very hard to do because I've been getting the best of my social anxiety for the last few years. I've recognized that me caring has gotten me nowhere and I also don't have any less enemies than before when I completely couldn't care less. I guess I need to physically see that all that really matters is that I accept myself. I don't, yet; I'm working on it.

As I've said before: I want to become a better person. I definitely don't want to stay - if I am - a hermit. I don't want to withdraw from the people I care about and will come to care about, but I need to focus on myself. See, above anyone else, I am what is most important. I know this fact even if I don't always act in such a manner. I don't want to change the person I am, but I figure that once I achieve what I want of and for myself, I will also be rewarded by everything else falling in place - even if it's an unexpected gift or series of unexpected gifts.

I am scared, though. I feel like I'm at my lowest now and I'm although I don't like it, I am somewhat comfortable with it. I know that once you're at the bottom, you can't get lower. That's what is scary about going upward - knowing that you can also suddenly go downward.

Oh, there is at least one more thing that I want to change in my involvement with people. I want to stop being so judgmental. I don't think much of a lot of people. I don't mean that in an arrogant way in belief that I'm better than the majority of people on this planet; I perceive a lot of people as just being ignorant and blind. I still think this has to do with me dropping out of high school when I was fifteen. People change a lot in high school and attain different views, but I never got that far. Not being in high school, I spent a lot of time in my bedroom pondering issues that students never have the time to even imagine. Well, maybe that does make me a bit conceited? I know I missed a part of growing socially by leaving school, but a lot of things that I witness are just preposterous in my perspective that I probably wouldn't think so had I graduated from a high school.

My main dispute is with people so concerned with their image. This may sound contradictory to what I just said earlier about me caring too much about what people think of me. Now, other people's feelings about me may push me to change what I also think is immoral, but what people think of me or anything else has not changed my physical and personal image and attitude.

There actually was a time when it did, but I was fourteen - almost over six years ago. Being a black kid from a predominately black city, I thought I had to wear Fubu and Timberlands and listen to Nas and Jay-Z for anyone to even remotely like me. Then to spice it up a bit to make myself appear just a tad unique by doing something that was either weird or rare.

Now, I witness people still doing this crap when they're twenty to twenty-five years old and it irritates me to all hell. Fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, and maybe even eighteen - that's understandable, but frankly, I don't like or trust people who aren't themselves. I know that everyone at least follows one or more trends and I'm not or ever was rebellious, but when you do things, dress, and act in a way just to fit in, it's completely unrespectable in my eyes.

It's something I need to accept, though in this generation. There's no sense in being upset with how people are, why they are the way they are, and the disloyality, dishonesty, and apathy that I see every hour of the day. The only thing I can do is better myself and learn to like and accept what is around me.

...

So. I finished my hemp necklace. It's decent?

May work on a bracelet later.

I'm starving and James left in the storm without me because he didn't want to wait a few minutes for me to get ready. Great.

And he put his fucking crotch in my face earlier. Asshole. I tried to punch him in the nuts, but I missed.

Comment! (0) | Recommend!

It's storming pretty badly here because of Ophelia or whatever the name is of the hurricane. Before the day is out, I assume we will permanently lose power or at least internet connection. This is my third time trying to write in NuTang because the power keeps glitching. So now I am wiser and am typing this in WordPad and saving it as I type.

Haha, fuckers.

I bought a bit of hemp yesterday and although I haven't done anything with hemp in a while, it'll be fun to play around with since I can't go anywhere due to this hurricane. I'm sure I suck now and the necklace I'm working on is only almost decent, but I bet I could make money off of this. With my discount at Michaels and such, I mean. I really hope I can transfer when I move back to Virginia.

My weird dreams? I have no clue what happened in them, but when I woke up, my first thought was of Quintus and when I opened my eyes to look at James, I'd forgotten that I hate him. This was just for a few seconds.

Last night, he had the nerve to demand me to leave my job because of the hurricane; he demanded that I get off early so he could pick me up. He demanded me, I said. I didn't do it, but guess who got home first? Me. I got home thirty minutes before he did. So I would've been clocked out, losing money, doing nothing and waiting around for him to pick me up. What the hell? He had the nerve to call my job and argue with me about it. I can understand his concern if that's what it really was, but who the hell does he think he is to demand me to get off work? "Tell your job you have to leave now."

?! Grr!

But since then, he has been trying to be nice to me. I hate it because I know it's all fake bullshit. He asked me to sleep in his bed last night. I'm like, Did you not hear, comprehend, or acknowledge what I said about not liking you? It's like there is a loose screw in his head. I didn't sleep in his bed, of course.

---

I want a girly Fraggle t-shirt. I want a My Little Pony t-shirt, too. Heh, I think I'm going to order a Live Journal shirt. Does that make me geeky? Nah. Geeks are smart. Mwuahah. I already have two shirts coming in the mail, being sent to my house from T-Shirt Hell. Feels nice to actually treat myself to a few things.

I just have to be careful. The paycheck I'm getting in two weeks will completely cover my move home, but just in case I miss a day of work, or I can't work as many hours as scheduled, I need to have back-up money.

Dude. I was so craving some Chik-Fil-A chicken nuggets last night. I really wanted some hot cakes this morning too from McDonalds. I know, I know. Fast food. But I want it so badly I can still taste it.

Comment! (1) | Recommend!