i cry silently, i cry hopelessly... so many things have changed. mostly for the worst. even when i'm with her, i still think of you... why... i know it is wrong and unfair towards her. am i happy with her? i don't know... i'm not happy. yes, i am able to show everyone that i am happy, but i'm not... i'm really not... i've cried... starting from tuesday. but who cares right? i cry because i miss... that doesn't matter. you wouldn't care anyway. i shouldn't say anything about what i'm really thinking. i would only hurt all the people i care about..

i think i should go away for a while... away from here... would that be better? things will never be the same... no matter how much i wished for them to be. i made a choice... was it wrong? i don't know...

i find myself thinking about you, do you ever think about me?

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So I've wasted most of my time watching anime. But I guess it releases me from stress. Then again, sometimes anime makes you think about your own situations. Anyway, I finished the whole Onegai series, Onegai Teacher and Onegai Twins. Pretty interesting I must say. Yet, it makes me want to dwell on the past... my past with you... I must admit sometimes I do miss you... is it wrong...? only because i have her? I don't know...

Am I really... that useless...? I feel helpless... I understand clearly, I don't know anything about you because I can't help. I never could... maybe the only way for me to help is to find a way to erase all your memories of me... would that make things better? maybe.. if that could happen we can start over? start over... that's not possible. We've gone so far on this journey to start over... I'm sorry...

Anyways, Onegai series makes me want some Pocky. The Japanese snacks that Mizuho-Sensei can always be seen eating throughout the whole series. They're really tasty.. ^___^

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Time seems to pass by so quickly, school year is ending. Time has changed... But still... I feel as though... something is missing... true, I present to you a happy exterior... yet I'm not always as happy as I seem to be. Not always...

Sometimes I feel like I want to run to you. Run back to the chapters we left off at... but i know that i can't. Yes i know... i have someone, yes i care for her... but sometimes i wonder to myself i actually do. But i still long for you. Why? Sometimes, when you are with me... I wonder if you really do enjoy my company...

What do you do, when that important person asks you to hate them? Would you swallow the pain and do as they wished? Or would you persists on loving them? I'm lost... I need guidance... I'm not as strong as I present myself to be... I don't want to show you my vulnerability... I still...

I just want to run away from it all, run away from all the sadness, the pain. leave behind this life... but then, i would hurt someone else in return if i were to run away. I don't want to hurt anyone... especially her... and you...

"Everywhere I turn, I hurt someone. But there's nothing I can say to change the things I've done." - No Way Out, Phil Collins

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Alone, yes this is the perfect template for me. although i may have someone and all, but i still feel alone. each and everytime i am here... sitting in front of my computer in my room. i am once again enveloped by the loneliness atmosphere that has linger in this room for many years. this room, not only does it have bad memories, yet it also brings back happy memories. but those are only hurtful memories now. because i know i could never go back to those days, even if i wanted to. when i was watching "Onegai Teacher" i thought to myself, why can't i 'withdraw' whenever i don't want to feel sadness... and then what would happen to me if all my memories of you were erased from me... yeahh.... what if... somehow things aren't the way they are now.. would we have had a future together...?

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