gosh.

i laugh,i cry, i smile, i shout.
how i wish someone is beside me all the time
how i wish i have someone who doesn't need words
how i wish someone is there to hug me when i am sad.
how i wish... ...

i so tired to acting strong.
i am not strong.
but i cannot be weak either.
she is much more sad than me.
so even to collapse,she should collapse first.
and i know she is acting strong too.
she needs me.
but i am really tired.
i hate to face all this
as though the world is trying to tell me
life is gray.
my name is cloud, in translation.
but it seems i m gray all these while
even when i smile.
what should i do now
i feel empty,
even when i laugh.
that emptiness is miserable
as though i will break when knock
and then nothing is left
of me.
i hate that.

what should i do?

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oh gosh!i feel so bloated now.

to me,a set of fast food is more than enough to make me full,with the burger,fries and coke.and i would not have enough stomach to eat more food.

but today,when i just finished my fast food,my mum came home with some great-tasting crackers.and so, i kept eating the crackers.i was already very full,as though my stomach is going to explode soon, but i still cant stop eating the crackers.it just taste so nice i can't stop.when i finally stop,gosh,i am bloated.

sigh!

bad lifestyle.

sigh!

waste of food.

food is to make someone full,and i am so full already and i still eating it.

sigh!

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my target is something far far away,totally out of my reach no matter where i go.

i want to earn a lot of money,big bucks everyday so that i can buy a happy family.

they are always quarreling over money,shouting and yelling.and they always say that i should study quickly and then graduate to come out to work,so that he could earn lesser and retire.he keeps saying money is hard to earn,he keeps saying i should earn my own school fees rather than spend the money unwisely like how my sister did. he keep saying that he have not much money left. she keep saying that he did not give much money.she keep saying that someday he might not give anymore money to her,so we should prepare for the worst.

everyday,everything involves money.and so if i have a lot of money,i don't have to just see them quarreling over the money,i could just give them a part of my savings so that they could peace down a bit.and maybe a happier family.

so my target now is try to earn as much money as i can, so that...............
i could buy a happy family.

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if u guys have read my previous posts,u will know that there is a very irritating character in my life.

and now,he is back again.

this damn little thing here when around threatening people around his girlfriend,and scolded her friends for some peanut matters her girlfriend herself don't even care about.

and his girlfriend is so like break up with him more than 2 weeks ago already but he pretended he heard nothing about the break-up.HE PRETENDED!!he actually do that?!?!why can't he just accept the fact that his girlfriend can't stand him anymore??

and now,he is like scolding her friends for some little things or others.for what?he make things until as though he already is her husband and is taking care of her things already!but gosh!why can't he just accept the fact that they break up already?

and then,i don't even know where he got it from,but he got her cousin's address.he sent a threat saying he let them off this week but not next week.he said he's not going to let him off next week.gosh!!lies...and then penknife....what's he going to do next??

i am so frustrated i am sure to give him a kick and a punch if he's around and hit him up till he wakes up.he is SUCH A JERK!!his girlfriend is like told him everything clearly and hide away from him wishing he would forget about her fast and move on.and that stupid stubborn brat just find all ways to hunt her down.

i really wish someone would lock him up,either the loony bin or his father,or better the police.at least keep him away from us and all those innocent people.he's insane and explosive.dangerous if out there!!

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man, just now i went to the supermarket, and then i saw a whole mountain of lemons.

oh gosh!!LEMONS!!

i love lemons very much.the nice lemonish fragrance and the nice sweetish sourish taste!!but because my weight is already going down, i guess i should avoid those food that makes my weight go down more.

since i was six,i was 'trained' to eat lemons and limes.

actually, it all happens when i saw my sis eating a lime.i was curious what it tastes for she is eating it so deliciously,so i cut one and try it.

it tasted sour at first but soon, i was used to it and found that the limes has a sourish sweet taste.nice.and i am addicted to that taste i keep eating it again and again.(bad for health though,but i never cares)

and then soon later, my sis slice a lemon and eat it as though it is an orange,so i took a slice and ate it.though a little much more sour,i am addicted again.so i start eating lemons and limes almost every weekly,and if there is enough limes,i would squeeze it into a cup and drink it without adding anything.i love the taste.it is sour,but it is sweet at the same time.

but to those who never tried eating limes and lemons my way, i guess their first bite is always extreme sour and the sweetness is always unfound.for i always receive an incredible look from people around me when i told them limes and lemons are actually sweet. :(

and when i saw that mountain of lemons,i miss the taste.so i cut a line with my nail on one of them so that it would give off the nice fragrance lemons always have.(bad act.don't follow).oh gosh.but too much lemons and limes destroys health,especially when eaten empty-stomached.so i guess i should cut down on it until i am a little fatter again.

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oh gosh!! i am damn lonely now and there is nothing i can do about it!!

i miss my secondary school life! the kind of life that have a fixed and packed time table, rather than a hole here and there and there is nothing i can do during those time table holes!every hole is like two hours long and i can't go home early!!if it was the secondary time table, i would have gone home long ago,rather than staying in school until 5.30pm just because i have that one lesson from 3.30 to 5.30pm!

and i feel so damn lonely now.my friends are all so busy with their stuff and i can't possibly just disturb them so that they could accompany me!and my new friends...i don't know.

sigh!i feel so so so lonely now.no one to play around with me,no one to teach me homeworks,no one to dance around with me,and no one to spend their free time with me.oh me gosh!!i feel so lonely and lifeless!!man!!

urgh!!i hate loneliness!and i can't stand loneliness!!oh gosh!!

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