You ever sit and ask yourself "Why isn't my life going the way I want it to"? I spent so much time and energy being fake that now I'm not sure what I want. I'm not even sure who I am. That is one of the purposes of high school is to find your place in life, right?

I know people change once they are out of high school, but some people don't. Right now, I feel like nothing I do is ever right. I've been so strong through all of this mess, but I just want someone to hold me and tell me everything is going to be okay. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone who will do that.

My parents are too self-involved to care and I wouldn't dare ask my brother (we don't have that kind of relationship). I would ask Eric but he is having some problems picking himself up much less me. So, I get to sit here, be all depressed and hope that tomorrow will be better.


S.

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Not much is really going on. My parents are both at work and my brother is at his friends house. I could have gone out and done something with Eric maybe but I decided to stay home. It's very rare when no one is home on a Saturday. Why not enjoy it.

I know some of you are wondering what my little secret is that I mentioned the other day. Well, I'll tell ya after I tell Eric. I think he needs to be the first one to hear it. I don't want him reading it here before I can talk to him about it.

Since I have so much time on my hands, I decided to make a little quiz based on my blog. The link is located on the left sidebar. Feel free to try it out and see how much you know about me.

I hope y'all have a wonderful weeked!

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The title caught your eye, didn't it? This post is about a sex dream, but not one I had. Remember the little note left in my locker? I mentioned it here a few days ago. I found out today what it meant.

I know that I'm not the only one in my former circle of friends to have a blog. I just didn't now that at least one of them had more than one. It seems that my ex-best friend Tina had a blog no one knew about....until now.

Our mystery crusader printed out several screenshots of different blog entries, copied them and distributed them throughout the school. Quite a few of them were very R-Rated. One was about a little fantasy she had. I'm not going in to great detail about it (even though some of you probably want me to). Let's just say it talked about Tina, her brother and a couple of other kids at school. Although, I think I'm one of few people that knows he really isn't her brother, not by blood anyways. So, it's kind of a Cruel Intentions kind of thing, but still not very flattering.

Even though Tina sort of had it coming, I think the "fellow outcast" went a bit too far with this one. For their sake, I hope they never get caught.

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Me and Eric were suppose to go for a bite to eat and maybe a movie. It didn't quite work out that way. He tracked me down after school and asked if we could go somewhere a little more private. I know this is typically the part where your mind goes in the gutter. That's not what happened.

We ended up going to the park, finding a shady spot under a tree. He was sitting there looking all gorgeous as usual, but also wounded. I pleaded within my mind that he would tell me what has been bothering him. I got what I asked for. Sort of.

"I know I've been kind of blowing you off lately and I'm sorry. I like you. I'm not trying to hurt you or anything," he said.

"It's okay. I've just been so worried about you. For a second there, I thought that maybe you didn't want to be seen with me, considering all that's been going on."

"No..no. That's not it. I don't want you thinking that. I've just felt so sick I guess."

"Sick? You're not like dying, are you? Please tell me your not."

"Not that I know of. To be honest, I'm not sure what it is. I feel tired all day and wide awake at night. I can't stand to be in the sunlight to long. It irritates me. I'm always thirsty. I've also been feeling depressed and not wanting to socialize much. I've been to doctors and as far as they know, I'm perfectly healthy. I just don't get it. I've never been like this before."

"Well, I'm no doctor. I'm not sure what's going on either, but I'm here if you ever want to talk."

So, that was the big secret. He hasn't been feeling like himself lately. After talking to him, I have a secret of my own.


S.

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Remember the job I mentioned yesterday? Well, I got it. I'll only be working two maybe three weeks but it's better than nothing.

I talked to my grandma tonight. She calls me often. I think it's because she's lonely. I don't really mind it. Well, anyways, she decided to let me in on a little secret. Turns out she opened some kind of savings or college account at her bank for me about two or three years ago. She told me that there is about six thousand in it right now. She's now allowing me access to it so I can add money to it if I want. I thanked her but I declined her offer.

I have a savings account opened at our local bank. Not sure if my mom knows about it or even cares. I have about five hundred dollars saved up for a rainy day. My mom took my credit cards away from me and I don't get allowance anymore (which is why having a job is so important right now). So that money is all I have for any expenses or whatever.

Eric called tonight as well. He asked me out to dinner and maybe a movie. It sounds like he might be ready to talk. I'll just have to wait and see.


S.

Plugs: Silver-dot-, ikimashokie, renaye, Princess_00, Nuttz, lyndeep, crz4manga

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I want to thank you all for the well wishes. I still have the sniffles but I'm doing better than yesterday. Things may be looking up for me as well. I might have a job by tomorrow.

Mrs. James called last night and said that she is looking a temporary part-time receptionist. The one she now is getting married. So, she needs someone to fill in until the honeymoon is over. Lydia put in a good word for me. I don't know what I would do without her.

I finally got the windshield on my car replaced. It seems that Josh showed up at my house over the weekend and offered to pay for it. I couldn't believe it when Lydia told me that. I was so mad that I wasn't here to watch him be all apologetic and nice. He hasn't really been the same since the thong incident.

While I'm on the subject, I got another note either yesterday or today from "A Fellow Outcast":

Sam,

Seen Josh lately? LOL I think he has learned his lesson. If not, I have more available for him.

I wanted you to be the first to know that he won't be the last. It's about time people here learn what it is like to be on the other side of the jokes. Just you wait and see.


Sincerely,
A fellow outcast

I'm not sure exactly what that means and I'm not sure I wanna know.


S.

Plugs: Silver-dot-, renaye, Nuttz, crz4manga, lyndeep, money4blogging

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