Well I feel better about earlier.. which is a goooood thing. lol. I just need to get the whole rma thing out of my system.. and I did. I didn't get a chance to talk to Tim tonight.. I'm kinda bummed about that. I haven't talked to him since Sunday.. kinda makes me sad. Hopefully I get a chance to talk to him tommorow.. and maybe even see him too. That would be wonderful. I miss him soo much right now.. and I'm having a hard time learning how to deal with not seeing him as much as I like too. I wouldn't trade him for the WORLD thou. I'm fine and dandy when I get to see him and when I talk to him.. but when we're apart I go nuts. Which is understandable cuz that's how it's suppose to work.. Im not suppose to be happy that we're apart. lol. It is suppose to bug me to an extent. They do say absence makes the heart go fonder.. so maybe it's a good thing that we're getting some apart time. ya know what I mean?

I have an interview with EBI on Tuesday.. I'm excited and nervous. I hope I get accepted cuz I really don't wanna go to school to far from home.

Well my dad as it turns out isn't gonna be home any time soon. Whihc is a total bummer.. cuz I'm sooooo sick of babysitting her.. It's driving me nuts being with her day in and day out. I wanna go places not be stuck here.. heck I don't even get paid. My dad's reasonings for not comming home any time soon are they fucked up with my grandma's condition.. it turns out she didn't need a pace maker after all.. and sumn else is wrong with her.. so they're doing more tests and trying to figure out what's going on with her. What really pisses me off about the whole thing is if it's something major and she needs surgery they can't do it.. cuz she has the flipping pace maker.. I think doctor's should be more careful in matters like this.. and make sure they are completely positive.. ya know what I mean!?

I think Im gonna change my background I like this background and all... but It's kinda hard to see the writting and stuff cuz it blends in!

Well I'm done updating for now. Love you all!

Thanks for listening to me to all those that listened to me... you know who you are!? ;)

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one year ago.. i've come a long way since then.. i just wanna thank you for making me a better person.. i just wanna thank you for fucking up.. i just hope some day that i will come upon some body that will take the spot that you held in my heart... so far no one has EVER compared to you. i can't believe i put up with you for so long when we were together... every one kept telling me i deserved better than you.. and now i know that i really did.. the stuff that you did to me was unbelievable! how could you sleep with her!? you and i were meant to be.. we were suppose to be.. atleast that's what you always told me.. you always told me that you loved.. that you wanted to marry.. that you wanted to have a family with me.. i see how much your word is worth now. i hope your happy and i hope your life is going good. i hate how i have to love you but yet hate you sooo much.. i just wish i could just love you instead of both of them.. but we all know i can't do that out of fear of getting hurt by you again! i went to hell and back for you. But yet I still love you.. i wish there was an explanation of why i did.. but there just doesn't seem to be one. i guess your first love is the hardest to get over.. and i don't know if i'll ever get over you. *sighs*

"So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh...

Let's talk this over
It's not like we're dead
Was it something I did?
Was it something You said?
Don't leave me hanging
In a city so dead
Held up so high
On such a breakable thread

You were all the things I thought I knew
And I thought we could be

You were everything, everything that I wanted
We were meant to be, supposed to be, but we lost it
And all of the memories, so close to me, just fade away
All this time you were pretending
So much for my happy ending
Oh oh, oh oh, oh oh..."

_{I love you RMA}

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well well well.. looks like i managed to get myself sick. :( i have a stinken sore throat, headache, fever, and ear infection. my head feels larger than a watermelon. tim and i didn't hang out last night cuz i didn't wanna get him sick.. i do miss him thou.. and i can't wait to see him again. yesterday my sister and i got in a couple of screaming matches b/c she doesn't listen to me.. and i had enough of it. i don't get paid to babysit her.. so therefore i don't need to put up with her bullshit. and i got my wish.. my dad is finally gonna come home.. so i don't have to deal with babysitting her anymore.. she can be his headache not mine... wooohooo. lol. well i guess i better call up that boy mine! :)

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My computer is sooo messed up at the moment for some reason. Stupid thing! I can't wait for my new computer.. anything is better than this piece of crap! lol. Tim's prolly gonna come over tommorow/today whatever u wanna call it. I can't wait! :). Well I'm like completely wiped out.. So I'm off to bed... sorry this isn't a long entry!

He puts the c.o.l.o.r.s inside of my world!

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Well I woke up at like 6 this morning so I could go to Jenn's horse show.. I helped her get Rosie around and stuff... alls I can say is woahhh mamma is that horse STRONG. I got rope burns cuz she tried to get away from me to get the hay. And I couldn't let her get in the hay cuz she'd mess up her hoof paint.. well needless to say she got away.. and got her wish. So here I am trying to get the horse to move and she wouldn't.. so i had to put another coat of hoof paint on her while she was eating hay and I was like drowned in a whole mass of hay. But I guess it was worth it cuz she looked beautiful afterwards! Jenn got two 1st place ribbons. I was proud. We didn't leave there until like quarter after twelve. So, I decided that we should go to Subway for lunch and of course my hunni was working. :) haha.. He looked kinda nervous to meet my mom thou. I made sure Jenn and her went ahead of me.. so Tim and I could talk some. He kept trying to put extra stuff on my sub.. like this hot sauce.. and I was like noooo I don't think so. lol. I wish we coulda had more time to talk thou.. but it's all kewl. He's prolly gonna come over tommorow after he's done with work! :) I talked to my nene today.. she sounds really good. So, I'm happy! :) Now, I'm just waiting for my dad to come home.. so I don't have to babysit anymore. I don't care when he comes home as long as he's home before school starts.. cuz I really don't wanna walk to the bus stop in the morning cuz that would be sucha pain! All and all.. it was well worth being with the horse just cuz I got to see Tim. :). Seeing him completely made my day. Well I'm out I'll prolly write more later on.. after I'm off the phone with Tim. "Like the rain I have fallen for you and I know just why you, liked the rain always calling for you, I'm falling for you now, just like the rain." 9 more days til my Idol comes home! :) yay!

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Blah.. I'm soo bored. I can't wait to go out. I'm going to Troy and I'm gonna hang out with the boyfriend for a bit. Then I'm gonna practice my parrallel parking some, b/c I really need my license and soon! I'm looking up college stuff at the moment b/c my senior year will be over before I know it. And I need to plan for my future now. I'm prolly gonna go to EBI and continue pursueing work in the Medical Office Field. Well I'm out.. I'll write more later on.

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