i'm sick.
too sick.
so sick that i was desperate just to get rid of this hacking cough.
I chugged half of the robotussen in a half hour. A good amount every time a hacking fit would occur. So this may be a rant, but it's an over the counter pharmaceutical induced rant!
Now I'm out of my wits. I talked to Christine for the first time today for only about an hour.. I'm sure I rambled on and made no sense and that upsets me. I have to get used to that I'm not going to get to talk to her much. It's not like it'd be any different if I lived any closer. She has so much school work to do, and her job as an RA seems to be killing her. I just miss talking to her about goofy things, but lately it seems like she's a little preoccupied even when she isn't doing anything but talking to me. I miss her witty banter and her maniacal laughs, but I fear these have gone with the ways of stress from getting back into the swing of things at school. I'll stick it out and hopefully she'll poke her head back through the clouds and she'll be chipper again. I can't wait to see her this weekend, it seems like it's been far too long.. plus I know she'll be in a much better mood since I'll be there to take her mind off things at school.. or at least I hope. Maybe she'll come back from this valentine's day vacation refreshed and reinvigorated. I don't even know if she's stressed beyond belief or not anymore, but it still seems like it.. and I'll try to help her along and ease her through all of this as best as I can.
One more day to go, then I see my love again.

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I had some nice things planned for Valentine's day with the most amazing gal ever, but nothing compares to what we've come up with together.

Canada, here we come.
On February 8th we're driving, well she's driving, to Ontario Canada to go the Niagara Falls to spend two nights together in a nice little suite within walking distance of the falls. We're having dinner at the Skylon Tower on Friday night. It's about 500 ft tall, over looking the falls and the rest of Ontario, because it rotates while dining. Now, I'm deathly scared of heights, but this is going to be an amazing view. Also, they illuminate the falls every night at 630pm until 10pm.
Our room is amazing, and so incredibly cheap.. to me at least. It was only 200 bucks for two nights. We get a hot tub and possibly a fire place.. the view from the hotel looks awesome too, but I guess that all depends on what floor we're staying on.
Anywho.. I'm so excited, I'm going out of the country for the first time and the love of my life is the one driving me there. This will be one of the most memorable weekends in my life. I can't wait...
plus i get to legally drink :)


i love you Christine. I hope you're just looking forward to this as much as me, miss "i could pee myself I'm so excited"



*edit*
English to Canadian translator
(copy and paste 'cause i can't get the stupid HTML Url thingy to work)
http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0geutN2Yr5FdkABKV1XNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTB2anFtOTBnBGNvbG8DZQRsA1dTMQRwb3MDNwRzZWMDc3IEdnRpZAM-/SIG=11tjv1k8h/EXP=1170191350/**http%3a//mason.gmu.edu/%7eaross2/canada.htm

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You know it's meant to be when:

-after five years, you still bump teeth while kissing and you giggle every time.

-you can do nothing for a whole day but lay around in each others arms and never be bored.

-you spit soup at the dinner table while day dreaming about them.

-you thought holding hands could never be that invigorating.

-when you go on a walk to look at the lovely fall colors and the prettiest thing you see is her.

-you can dance like an idiot and NOT be embarrassed because they dance the same way.

-every song somehow reminds you of her.

-time really is just an illusion. it passes so quickly when I'm with her and so slowly when I'm waiting to see her again.

-every single picture you see of her, she really does become more beautiful.

-her smile makes you smile.

-her sadness falls on your shoulders, you can't be happy if she's not.

-it crushes you to know she is/was/crying or about to..

-when you toss and turn while you try to sleep because she's not there.

-your bodies fit together like puzzle pieces.

-both of you have the same definition for being "in love", which is different than just loving someone.

-anything that smells like her drives you wild and makes your stomach flip with anticipation of her walking around the corner, but it ends being cake!!! ROAR

-you can never get through a whole movie because you'd rather keep your eyes on each other.

-she believes that you can do everything and anything when no one else could even care.

-she laughs at the mean, sadistic things you say about other people c:

-her eyes hypnotize you and you just can't look away.

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I received my Diploma in the mail today, meaning I passed my GED test.
I know it's not hard to do, but I'm still happy with myself.

Christine and I are complete perfection.
I'm not gonna lie, we're probably the coolest mother effers you will ever meet.
She's moving back "home" to college tomorrow. She'll be a little closer, meaning more sleep overs. c:


So, here's my plan redefined now that I have one thing crossed of the list.
(my diploma)

I'll start off with getting that job, and now that the holidays and lay-off time is over, it'll be much easier. Then I believe I'll stash all my cash under my mattress.. or in a savings account.. which ever works better. I need to save up for a car, but nothing really special.. just a junker of sorts, and you can find some for about 500 bucks that'll hold ya over a few months, and that's all I need.. a few measly months.
Because as soon as I start school next semester, I'll be getting a grant from the state so that I can pay for my classes and books and such.. but here's the catch, I can put some cash towards a down payment on my car if I just claim that I need transportation to get to school, which I will. So hopefully I'll start my learnin' next semester and take Graphic Design and Photography.. I'm not quite sure that's exactly what I want to do, but I'm giving it serious thought... then by the end of this year I'd like to start looking for my own place if I have these things sorted out and if it'll fit into the agenda. This is something that I can't be certain about quite yet.


But there you have it.. an update on my life.. since normally I don't really talk about myself much.

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Well.. someone, I'm not going to point any fingers, but someone has made it clear that they think it's in my genetic code to be a failure. They believe that the kind of person I am is the kind that lacks initiative and motivation. Apparently, my background, my life, my state of living has nothing at all to do with it. Nothing, it can't, this is all my personality traits and they can't be changed... If this is true, then I guess I could say it's impossible for someone that was a complete dick head to turn things around and become a nice, open, sensitive guy.

My life is in progress and I'm living day to day.
This set back of my priorities in life doesn't make me who I am.
As far as I know, all that I am right now is a loving person, a forgiving person, someone with a sense of humor and open minded.
That's who I am.
The other things are what I'm doing.
Personally, I don't think I'm that far behind. I'm young and vital.
I have a life to live and I'm jumping right in.
There's many things to be done and so much to do.
I've got one chance at all of this and if I make some mistakes along the way,
I know it's Okay... I know I'm only human, and to exist is to be imperfect, to make mistakes and learn from them and teach others by example.

But I definitely don't like that people think they know who I am or where I'm going just because I'm not as far along as other people. I believe I'm a decent person and I can accept that I won't be remembered after I'm gone. I'm living this life for me because it's mine. I looked around today while sitting in the car at a 7-11 and just kinda looked at all the other people and realized that they're all living out their own scenarios, imperfect and just. So similar and yet so different from mine. No one can say how to live your life because no one really knows.

Try, that's all I can do.


p.s..
if you have to work to love someone that you were previously with and already loved then that's called forcing it and it's bullshit and a waste of time.. love is from your heart, not your brain. lust is from your brain not your heart.
and dick headedness is a stubborn disease.

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off to the hospital. don't know when i'll be back..
don't forget the blog below... it's new.

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