| | A Breakthrough...There's No Turning Back Monday. 11.20.06 6:54 pm Ok folks....I think I made a major breakthrough today. I'll have to admit...this morning was probably the hardest day for me out of the last 17. However, at some point during the early afternoon....I started to feel better. After almost 2 and a half weeks of nothing but thinking....it finally hit me. You have got to let her go. If she doesn't want to be with you anymore....that's her decision. You can't control how someone else feels. I've come to terms with the fact that I made mistakes....and I'd be willing to more than make up for them if ever given another chance. I'm not going to place all the blame on myself any longer. The bottom line is that it takes two people to make a relationship work. She made mistakes too...the only difference is that I seem like I'm able to forgive easier than she is....which is fine....again...it's her choice. I did everything I could to make her happy...if it wasn't enough...then so be it. I still believe that I'm a completely changed person now....but I'm still me. I may be more emotionally open and I may be more compromising....and I may have a better control of my emotions....but deep down....all of the qualities that make me who I am are still there. If that wasn't what she wanted....then that's the way it is. It is time for me to move on with my life. I'm not saying that I wouldn't jump at the chance to give us another shot....of course I would....I still love her....and I always will. However, I'm not going to wait any longer. I have my life to live....and she has hers. If one day in the future her feelings come back...there's a good chance I'd still be here waiting....I'm just not going to plan on it any longer. I've changed for the better...and if moving on is what I have to do right now....then that's what I'm going to do.....with or without her by my side. Hopefully I won't regress back into one of my former states....because I see better days on the horizon. I don't know what the future will bring, but I think that I'm more equipped to handle it now. Thanks for everyone who supported me in my time of grieving. I really appreciate it. Let's see if I can dig deep down and bring some of the old Mike back. Who's ready??? Comment! (3) | Recommend! Monday. 11.20.06 8:09 am How can someone who has so much going for them in their life feel completely depressed???? I think I have problems.....and the only solution is unobtainable. I will never be the same person again.....my life will never be the same again....I just hope that I can eventually forgive myself for what I let slip away. Hopefully one day....I'll be able to smile again....and really mean it.
P.S. Sorry to the nutang community....all of my entries have been so depressing lately...but I guess that's part of sharing how I feel. Comment! (3) | Recommend! Saturday. 11.18.06 11:51 pm believing someone for so long and finding out that they never truly meant what they were telling you.......it's the worst feeling in the world :( Comment! (6) | Recommend! Friday. 11.17.06 11:33 pm yeah...the title pretty much describes how I feel....see how I did that??? Comment! (1) | Recommend! Thursday. 11.16.06 7:08 pm Did you ever just want to take a walk? That's how I feel right now. I'd like to find a long road/path and just walk.....It's a good way to reflect.....reflect on everything that is going on in my life. Just watching the leaves blow around...not caring about the cold....and thinking. It rained pretty much all day today.....a fairly warm rain considering the season. I felt like I just wanted to walk in the rain....not caring about the water slowly soaking into my jacket. I sat on a bench outside today for about 15 minutes....not even caring that it was pretty damn wet. So how about that walk??? I could sure use some company..... Comment! (2) | Recommend! Is it winter break yet??? Thursday. 11.16.06 9:21 am I just want winter break to arrive. I need a month where I do not have to worry about college. The thing that sucks is.....teachers always wait until the last month of class to cram in all of their tests and papers. All I need to do is make it through this last month of hard work and I'll earn a little bit of freedom. In the end, it will be worth it....I hope. Comment! (0) | Recommend! |
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Halfwayhome
And These Melodies Will Soar Over The Sea And Past Your Ears
Your Eyes Like Prisms Filter Snapshots Into Pools Of Bloodstained Tears
And These Words Are Like A Shot Piercing You Skin Into Your Veins
Lifting Your Eyelids Just Enough To Watch Me Slowly Drift Away
Emberghost
So much for reason when you need a reaction
Who needs discretion when you've got passion?
I retraced the lines, the terrain, and the contour
Caught your reflection in a maze of mirrors, well
Collecting thoughts with crazed determination
I came alive with renewed sense of purpose
My fear is that I wouldn't even know you if I saw you
And how could I live with myself then?
Answers time was to provide
Yield only to the white's of your eyes
And I am not here to mend goodbyes
I've come to name the whites of your eyes
Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
But wait, now that I've found you,
situations from dark now change to gray
Disregarding my absence of memories,
it's perpetually blinding me of sanity,
and just when I'm giving in,
as I try to scale these walls
Jericho falls around me
and I feel that I've strayed too long
And darkness is fading in, and darkness is real
Oh my eyes
oh closing slowly
I try
Fate seems to recreate,
I just cannot escape,
Something holds me down and makes me
act a way I can't explain
Even now I can feel it coming over me choking me,
as I'm falling behind
You can say you know me,
but you have no clue what my dreams could show you
Taking Back Sunday
This glass house is burning down You light the match, I'll stick around I'll give you everything you want And wish the worst of what I was
"count on having clouded vision for...at least a little while"
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