I find this interesting that my user acct and my password still work. The last few times I tried to login, I'm pretty sure it denied me a decent amount of times before I gave up. I guess Dave was working on something pretty big. It amazes me to see all of these things up; my design work, an old photo of when I was young and careless, even all the little tidbits like quizzes and such and old conversations I've had with people on this amazing blogsite/what I call "vent room". As for my design work, I see it as amateurish, yet impressive, seeing as I never took any real learning classes to create that header thing up there...well, I did, but I never really got to stay for long or got into any advanced learning classes. I've impressed myself. I know, quit being so egotistic, but to be completely honest, I guess that's the only thing that keeps me really feeling good about myself; to know that I am capable of AMAZING things if I put my head into it. I can put my head into it just fine...I just don't have the time to put into it. All the time I have nowadays is put into and maintaining some kind of steady income to take care of my family.

Those who already know who I am here know that I am a very family-oriented kind of guy. Blood is thicker than water as they say, but blood also has a tendency to become a nuisance when it stains. It's tough sometimes being a support leg of the table and it's even tougher sometimes to pull out and say, "You're on your own with this, sis/bro/ma/pa/unc/aunt/cuz/monk/General Baltazar."

I've been working for quite some time. I've pushed forward harder and harder through tough times and have come out on top quite a few times, but I've stopped to find myself standing atop something that wasn't really worth pushing for. Was it my lifetime goal? No. Not at all. Was it something for school? Negativo. It was more like, I pushed harder and harder on this wall just to get peace of mind; to get things paid on time, to not be behind with money and at least have something left to save so I can actually reward myself for all these years of hard work. Yet, after all of this work, I really don't have anything at all except for a broken laptop and a car that I don't really love (I had to sell my Supra because work was so far and gas inflation was killing me). I resorted to using the work computer for this kind of stuff such as accessing my e-mails and junk and doing personal stuff on it, rather than having my own, working personal laptop to design things on, much less play on. I don't like having to wait until I get to work to be able to get online. It's just a drag.

I work. So so so so so so much. I even find it hard on myself to even squeeze time out for my social life. I love my friends; I don't have a lot, but I have a select few that I really entrust my heart to. I haven't hung out with my best girl friend in over a year and see her on occasion when I get lucky enough to run into her. It's because I work so far away and so many long, extended unneeded hours. So you say, "If you work so much time overtime, why don't you have anything to save?" Remember when I said, blood is thicker than water, but sometimes blood stains can be a nuisance? Here it comes.

My sister, being 31 with her 54 yr. old fiancee (I know, oh-em-gee, right?) can't see to stop her niavety of foraying into things like pay day loans and crooked online gambling scams. She's been screwed left and right from these things and because of her affiliation with the wrong kind of "friends" and drugs, she lost her job at a comfortable place and could not adjust to a different environment when they relocated her. When she couldn't adjust, she cried "DEPRESSION" and missed days of work on top of them already shorting her to 32 hours a week. Now she's been relocated again, working at a better place, but the missing work days at the other place came to bite her in the ass alongside her owing money to these pay day loan firms. Guess who gets to pick up the pieces?

As much as I wanna say, "Yo, you're on your own" I cannot help but to imagine the endless other possibilities that she could get herself into again if I were to just say "No." Albeit true that we all will never know until we try, when you know someone enough, you already know you've been treading deep waters for a while. This is why I just can't let it go and put upon myself each and every single time that she's fallen, I put a pause on my building up my life to take care of her with [b]her[b/] life. While that is in progress, mine starts to fall slow to crawl again and eventually, I have to start all over again to try to get a fresh clean slate.

I know, kinda weird to come back in YEARS just to vent, huh? I dunno, maybe you'll see more of me, maybe you won't. I just felt that this vent wasn't livejournal worthy enough. Oh well. Cheers.

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