They'll be days like this
So, you'd better count your pennies
'Cause you might just need a wish



Past week.. I odn't remember, so I'll start with today and what I can remember about the past couple of 'em. My sister came back.. last week, from college. My dad missed her like crazy, as did my mom and my younger sister. I didn't. I thought I would, but honestly, I don't think I cared much.. or as much, as everyone else.

I've been with 'er for sixteen years. You'd think after that amount of time, you'dmiss 'em alot.. but.. nope. I'm glad she came back though. She took me to Walmart, where I was gonna' go get Samantha's present, which I couldn't find, so I got her something else I thought she'd like.

Her party is on the fourteenth.. she's been telling me about it, coaxing me to go to it, since like.. June, or maybe July. Ever since she got back from her trip.. I told her I would because it's important to her for me to be there.

Michelle told me late last night ( Or early this morning ) that hers is on the same day. Right now, the plan is to stop by Michelle's early and give 'er like, five dollars or something and then go to Samantha's. Michelle told me late.. and, ontop of that.. I.. don't know.



I called Caitlin today.
Once in the afternoon, and again a few minutes ago tonight. I remember a time when I could call that girl, speak for two hours, maybe three, and get off the phone and feel.. bittersweet.
Bitter, simply because I missed the girl like crazy. Don't get me wrong, I still miss her.. it's just alot more bearable after a year. But, those eyes of hers still haunt me when I close my own.

It was sweet, too, though, but I doubt that was why my feelings for her were so strong. Talking to most girls on the phone was sweet, but when I talked to her, it was as if I were talking to a mentor. Someone who knew more than me, and was willing to show me and teach me things that she knew and I didn't. She was the one who influenced me to take an interest in politics, and the one who told me to be more tolerant of homosexuals. I'm still against gay marriage though, and I doubt I'll ever truly be acceptive of homosexuality aslong as I've got Christ in my heart though. I've learned, and believe, that marriage is for a man and a woman to be married under God. If two homosexuals wanted to like, get married under Elvis or Oprah, then I doubt it would be such a big deal.


In multiple places, the bible talks about where God stands on homosexuals. And on liars, rapists, murderers, and people who give into lust. It's all the same sin to God, so my idea and belief is the same.. but, in multiple places the bible says that God loves all sinners, including rapists, liars, and homos.. so, yeah.


Anyway, the girl has taught me alot. I'm grateful to her for helping me mature over the past few years.. The thing is, I hate talking to her on the phone after knowing what it's like to talk to her in person. Makes me feel as though I'm being cheated out of something..



But then again.. I dunno. Maybe next year, or this winter, I'll see her. Maybe..

I hate ' maybe '.

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" It doesn't matter if I don't exactly understand word for word what the guy's singing about. That's not what I listen to in music.. I listen to the soul. " - Moi. I was defending myself to Antonia. She was telling Zoe about how I listen to Sin Bandera, and..y eah. I'd recommend them to anyone. They're songs are amazing, and appeal to me as Saves the Day, F.L.O and 2pac once did.

Once did. Once upon a time, I made Caitlin sad. That time was this past week.. I feel.. or felt, really bad about it. I had called her 'cause.. I missed her? I dunno. She was with Caleb, her boyfriend, and stopped conversating with him just for me. That made me feel special.., but that feeling didn't last long. She told me about this guys he thinks is Jesus that she emt at her rehab meeting, and that she's in love with. I'm not sure it was that I said or did, but before I knew it she told me that she felt as though I didn't care about what she was saying, or about her period. I didn't really defend myself then, so she went on to say that she felt as if she had lost her best friend in me. THatpretty much broke my heart..

It's been a full year since she came and disturbed the tranqulity of my usual world by staring at me with those golden..y ellow.. eyes she's got. A full year since things, atleast in my head, got more complicated in our relationship. I've been brooding, sulking, acting wistful and hopeful and bitter for a full year over those yellow eyes. I kept hoping that she'd come back this summer.. but she didn't. I'm still unclear on why.

I'm clear on few things now days. Like on Michelle. I'm talking to her again now that I've had alot of time apart from her, and mostly everyone else.

I'm clear that I love Caitlin, and that I don't want to make her sad anymore..



I'm also clear that this summer, although not as.. memerable as last years, was probably more effective. I think the best part of this summer happened last week. For two, or three hours I was with Charlie, Twinkie( Real name Bryan ) and about ten other guys I had met previously for the sake of playing basketball. It was fun.. and it had been a real long time since I had fun without a controller in my hand.

I spent countless hours, late at night, a week or two ago talking to Samantha. I'mt rying to buy her that Sin Bandera CD for her birthday. She's throwing a party, so I think I'm gonna' blow off football, or whatever else I gotta' do ( if it doesn't include god, or family ), to go to it. I'm not exactly looking forward to dancing, or the music.. or the people there.. but, I'm looking forward to seeing Samantha again, so that makes it worth it.

I'm looking forward to seeing Ashley aswell. I've been reading her nutang today, and I'm finally able to appreciate her writing style..

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