My profile picture looks like confession bear...

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I was thinking about the best way to train a dog. I don't know a whole heck of a lot about a lot of things, but I happen to know my fair share about dogs. I was imagining myself in a lecture hall teaching fearful and aggressive dogs like Suzanne Clothier, and what I would say and how I would word the speech. Then, I started thinking about Maggie.

I remember that when I first shook out a trash bag around her, it made this really loud noise and she barked at it and backed away. And me? Well, I was totally insensitive. I laughed at her and chased her around the kitchen island. Then, when she finally slowed down, I threw the bag on top of her. She gave me a very annoyed looked, but she was never really afraid of trash bags after that.

If I had known what I know now, I might have taken that fear a little slower. Used treats to familiarize her with the trash bag, maybe even teach her to carry it around the house while I collected trash, but I was sixteen, so I just took a short cut to making her okay with a silly old trash bag.

There are so many things to know, it makes me wonder if we're all muddling up the works by pointing fingers and telling each other there is a right and a wrong way of doing things. I mean, there are things that work better and build good relationships and other things that aren't so much, but its all so complicated.

I mean... imagine that one day we develop a robot that can read our emotions and say the right thing every time. I bet a lot of people would buy those, fall in love with those, even, but- it's a false choice. I think I wouldn't want a perfect world, because... well, there would be no place for me in it.

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So... I'm planning on participating this year: woo-hoo! But the question that's on my mind is... is there anyone that you're excited about? I mean, there are plenty of people that you're like "Oh please, not them," but what about politicians... locally, nationally, globally, that you can actually be excited about? For me, I have yet to put a name on the list (sorry everyone who is running), but I can't figure out why. Surely there is one honest decent person in the world that is willing to run the rat race, one person that you can say, "Oh, yeah, they'll get the job done" and you can wave you flag and smile for, but there isn't.

I'm not saying I want a "razzle dazzle" candidate. Trust me, we've had enough of those, too. "How can you see when you have sequins in your eyes"! No. But that's just it. I mean, I saw it happening in grade school and it is still happening now: qualifications are not essential to leadership in the political arena. All you have to do is say that you'll have brownies on Tuesdays and hawaiian punch flowing from the drinking fountains and all the kids will vote you in for TREASURER. (Yeah, totally not bitter about that).

Seriously, though, it makes me wonder about the whole political process. Why are we voting for position where we need qualified candidates to fill them? Wouldn't it be nice, I don't know, to have a candidate who is committed to reading every letter of a law before he passes it? Wouldn't it be nice to have candidates with comprehensive knowledge in important topics like, I don't know, FINANCE and BUDGETING. We aren't even getting to economics. I mean, wouldn't it be nice to have someone who could pass the state accounting exam?

Wouldn't it be nice if we had people who could get passionate about boring things like infrastructure and traffic, things that effect us every day of our lives. We need people who could make the post office financially sound, who understood how to attract business, and even, I don't know, create waste disposal plans and environment protection restrictions that save the environment instead of promoting noncompliance! And you know what? That's a tough job! A job that the pretty faces we're getting are not all that qualified to do! (Okay, I'll be fair, most of our politicians aren't THAT pretty).

I think the question I keep asking myself is, should we work harder to create better politicians or should we just give up on politicians and take away some of their power. I would almost get excited about a politician who promised to cut his pay and reduce the responsibilities of local and federal government. I'd be even more excited about a candidate that actually did it!

Alright, rant over. Happy tax season, everyone.

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There is a star in the corner of my bedroom. It is a glow in the dark star left over from a set that I had when I was younger. Under that part of the ceiling that now arches over my bed, there used to be a whole constellation, a constellation that looked an awful like the only constellation I knew: the big dipper, before I noticed it and tried to mess up the pattern. I took the constellation down, threw away all those extra stars, but that star, I left. I could make up an excuse as to why it's there, but... I'll just tell you the truth. I like it there. It could be nostalgia, or dreams of space or a mixture of the two, but one thing is for sure... it's staying there.

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I've been thinking about the people that I really miss today:

- Folks from Korea
- Folks from my senior year RP group
- My Lost watching buddies
- My high school RP/Warlords playing friends
- My elementary school BBall team
- My kindergarden best friend

I also miss, the kids I taught and took care of, the ones I liked, at least. I miss my dead dogs, rodents and fish that I've had over the years.

I miss them, because I'm trying to find new friends, and when you do that, you realize how rare great friends can be: a moment, a season, a certain set of activities that brought you together, and that thing, that beautiful fragile thing blows away in the wind, leaving you alone again. But I am going to keep at it. Here I am, tired Sisyphus, pushing the boulder back up the hill, because that's... life!

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Today, I await the coming of my newest family member. I am not sure when he is going to come, but he's coming soon. Whatever day he comes, I will remember my newest family member on that day, every year, for the remainder of my life. A new holiday in my life is being born! I wonder what day he will choose? What will the weather be like? What will we be like? What will our lines be in his personal nativity play? I don't know, because he's still coming.

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