i'm foolish. i'm an idiot. i'm stupid. i'm blind. i wonder sometimes... what you think of me? i wonder if you do miss me... before you said you do, then i asked again... you replied..does it matter? those words hurts me. but that doesn't matter. i don't matter. do you know... how it will be like when you're gone? of course not. because you only think i will just go off and have fun. but truth is... it won't be all that fun for me. i will have to put up with school. yes, i know it's my fault. i'm the one who chose to go to summer school. so now i have to deal with it. but know this... a part of me will feel empty knowing that you aren't there. that you're off in another country having fun. it will make me wonder if the thoughts of me will cross your mind when you're having fun. yet... somehow i doubt it... earlier... before i signed offline. i was waiting to see if you would call. i was about to give up.. but you called. i was glad. but then, when you hung up without a word. i was down. i called back. many times. but that only caused you to turn off your phone. now i wonder if you're ignoring me... if you even want to talk to me... maybe... you'll call me soon... this is my little glimmer of hope... maybe.. you will pick up when i call... but... what if you don't... what will happen then...

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everything is gone... this is what i have put onto myself. i wanted too much. i asked for too much. my only request is for you to give it some time... i'm sorry... i'm so sorry... to the both of you. i feel like i've lost my feelings for her slowly.. because my feelings for you are stronger than my feelings for her. i'm with her... due to my guilt. this guilt could never go away. but i can't drag her on anymore. i will have my final decision... i can't have you... you will never be mine again.. because your mind is set... i'm sorry.. i never knew what i had until it was gone... now you're gone.. gone... i just want to go away now... i hope you'll both be happy without me... don't blame yourself for this. it's all my fault. it has been my fault from the start. i've started something that i was never really sure about to begin with. why did i do it? because... you avoided me for 2 weeks... 2 whole weeks... i couldn't do anything but wait... i waited... but then i was afraid i had lost you... therefore, i walked away... before you could walk away from. but i walked away from something that was so important to me... i've let a good girl get away... now i can't get you back.... all i want now is for you to hold me in your embrace and say that everything will be okay... my only request now... is for you to give me some time... that's all i ask... please... i'm sorry....

i... give up... i've really lost everything this time... i no longer need anything in this life. now... i just wait for the day i die to come.. maybe it can be soon. there is nothing for me here anymore... you're gone... i can't force myself to feel something that i don't feel anymore. so... you win. i forfeit...

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to you now, i'm nothing but a memory of the past. what we had... what we were. i still long to go back... but you're no longer there... were you ever? it's all my fault... all my fault... that things turned out the way it is now. i miss everything like the way it used to be. sometimes... i feel wrong to be with her. sometimes... i feel like i can't be with her anymore... i don't know what it is... this is what i have put myself through... you're wrong... you did have my heart... then... it all changed that fateful day two years ago...

now... you've begin to take a step forward... yet i'm still standing in the same place. longing for someone who could never be mine again... is this what i was afraid of before? now.. it has come true. you've walked on... leaving me behind. while i haven't... all i can do is drift on this memory of ours...

5017730084 1778483 1113 6817 0173 898117... if we're meant to be... somehow our path will cross again...

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