I woke up and looked at my clock.

1 IN THE AFTERNOON!?

I know I could sleep in but JEEZ. I didn't mean to sleep in that much...
Why couldn't I wake up?

Flashes of my dream come back to me.

There was a serial killer that I was trying to stop.
I was also busting someone out of some sort of prison.
Wait...
I slipped a note through her window to know it was me.
But also...
The note said...
"Marry me?"

It was her.


....So, I'm starting to understand why I'm having difficulties waking up. With dreams like this? Seriously? Of course I won't wake up. They're far more ideal and joyful than when I wake up. Also, I at least feel useful in my dreams.

Last night I had a mini-break down or something. I was cleaning my room. And I snapped. I needed out. I couldn't be at home much longer. So, I went for a walk.

But sure enough, Life had to follow me out walking, too.
There were some people on one side of the street and I wanted to avoid them so I got on the other side. I didn't know who they were, but usually, anyone out past midnight aren't out to enjoy the night air. But as I started walking past them, the guy who was talking to the other girl in the most ghetto form of the english language I've heard in a while, began walking up to me.
"Hey! Ain't you that guy that lives down the street and drives a Jeep?"
I stop walking, mostly because he crossed my path.
"Yeah..." I responded. Do my neighbors know me as the guy that drives the Jeep?
"And don't I know you?"
"Yeah." I knew who he was, but I usually don't like to forfeit that I know someone in case they don't remember me. It's safer that way.
"We were in art class together. My name's Chris."
We shook hands.
"Yeah, I remember you." I remember that he was this short little "wigger" that no one liked and made fun of. I remember people often wanted to fight him. I'd usually be the one stopping anything stupid from happening. I'd tell him little wise things about how not to start fights and all this other stuff. In a sense, I kept him out of trouble.
He asked me how I was. I told him that not much was going on and that I was "just working, pretty much." And he said that was cool and that he's getting his GED and whatnot. He then invited me to hang out with him and whoever his friends were. I said no thanks, that I was out to relieve some stress. He said that was cool and that he understood.
We said goodbye and parted ways.
I realized then why I hate bumping into people. It's not because I know them. It's not because they know me. It's not because I'm shy. It's not because I want to be some sort of recluse for the rest of my life.
I don't like to bump into people from my past because, in a way, I'm bumping into my old self. The person I used to be. And it makes me sad.

I then walked to Taco Bell, ordered some food, got a text from Moe, responded, and answered Kristina's (Helena) phone call. She said she couldn't hear me well because of the wind. So I walked to someplace where the wind would be blocked. The best and closest place was.. Brewer High School.
While I was there I ate my food and randomly... started to remember. I remembered everything up to what she already basically knew. From the very first day of school my freshman year, up until the middle of my sophmore year, when I began to date Nikki, became best friends with Robyn, and grew to be close friends with Moe and a few other theatre folks.

How things change huh?

After having that "episode", I walked back home and went to sleep.

And now I'm late and I need to go.
So bye.

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We had to fight. We both knew it. For our love and for the land.

We got ourselves ready. Prepped.
She gave me as a gift a throwing knife at the last moment.
I love her. She's always surprising me.

Then we attack. Stealthly in the night. We began with the back entrances and quickly split up.

It was a massacre of guards.
But the castle would soon come to it's knees!

I found a knight. Before he had a chance to react, *WOOSH!* my throwing knife embedded itself in his throat. I picked up my throwing knife and took his broad sword and fought the guard near by.

Within minutes we had both reached the inner courtyard.
Innocent workers scrambled away in fear. Everyone had been caught unaware.
After all, it was just me and my love that fought this war.

"FIGHT WITH US OR PREPARE TO DIE LIKE THE TRAITORS YOU ARE!" I yelled out as I continued to fight.

I heard a heart stopping scream from the other side of the courtyard.
Was it her? Had she fallen? I had no time to stop. Much less now. And the false lord was still near by.

I manage to climb a tree up to a window. I jumped in and sure enough there he was. He was prepared to fight. He began to speak. I cared not for his lies. I threw my knife at him, but he moved and it landed in the door behind him. I went at him with my sword. We fought tooth and nail until what seemed like a lucky break and I managed to cut his throat. As he lay bleeding and contorting on the ground, I raised my sword once again and cut through his neck. I then impaled his head on my sword through his eye and raised my sword out the window to show the world.

The villainy in our land has come to an end!



I woke up.
Looked around. My clock said it was 11am.
I remembered the loads of nothing I had planned for today.
*sigh*
I hate waking up to this.

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ONE ART

The art of losing isn't hard to master;
so many things seem filled with the intent
to be lost that their loss is no disaster.

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:
places, and names, and where it was you meant
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or
next-to-last, of three loved houses went.
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

---Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident
the art of losing's not too hard to master
though it may look like (Write it!) like disaster.


By Elizabeth Bishop

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Actually, it's Lake Whitney, but hey...

"I'm ON vacation!!!"

If you don't get that, well,... that sucks for you.

Everything went rough. It could have used quite a bit of KY.

It started with my mom getting sick. I know. I'm heartless. I'm an asshole. People tell me this all the time. But she got sick. She ate McDonalds and was throwing up the whole night before we left. This meant that I was going to have to leave her there alone. It was a nuisance that she got sick at this time. I didn't have time to be worrying about how she was doing.
The following morning after I got everything ready and started picking people up, I had a very small delay. We had a couple going. The couple got into a fight and the guy no longer wanted to go. I had to wait for Ana (one of the youth) to talk him into going. (Whether that was a good thing or not, I don't know)
When I got to the church a few minutes late, where we were all meeting, I realized something. There was far more stuff than expected. We had a truck, an SUV, my Jeep, and a car. We still couldn't fit everything. So, I found some plastic tarps in the church. I used those to put on top of my Jeep and the SUV. Then we put stuff in the tarps and wrapped them with cords and stuff to keep them down.
All this made us an hour and a half hour late in leaving.
On the way there stuff started falling out of the SUV's tarp thing. We stopped a total of 3 times. Another hour and a half wasted.
When we finally arrived, about 3 hours late, everyone asked me what we were going to do. I suggested having lunch (sandwhiches) first, since we hadn't had anything to eat. Everyone complained that they weren't hungry and that they wanted to set up tents. Fine. I let them. During that time the couple was already getting all huggy, kissy, and lusty. Then we started to get the fire going instead to have dinner. Joseph, the other youth leader, was in charge of two things; games and the fire. We used up about 3 hours or so trying to get the fire started. Finally we had dinner at 8 or so. Turns out quiet time is at 10. So we didn't have time for any of the lessons or any real games. I suggested we at least played a "get to know everyone" game. There were 3 cliques. The west side of Fort Worth kids, Selena's nephew's and nieces (Selena is the other youth leader), and about 4 other kids who didn't care to be a part of any of that and that mostly came for the lessons and stuff. The west side kids just went there to have fun. The only reason. So when I was telling people what we were going to do, Ana told me later that they didn't want to do that and that they all wanted to pull pranks and stuff. I was pissed by now. I gave rules the moment we were done with dinner. Told them that the nicest thing I would do is call their parents to pick them up. And told them to make sure NOT to go to either the girls side or the guys side during the night.
We played the get to know each other game. Unenthusiastically, by everyone including the other youth leaders. By this time Joseph and Selena had already been arguing a good bit. That's right. The two new youth leaders are a couple. I'm a GENIUS...
By the time we finished we didn't have time for anything so I let everyone go either to bed, or meet in the shelter which I had designated as "co-ed area".

I stayed up till 3 making sure no one was stupid.

The following morning I woke up and we all had breakfast and let everyone just run around for a bit. Then we got together to play kickball. Plan was to have a lesson after kickball.
Mid-game it began to rain. Then pour. Then storm. The girls tents flooded. I then ran to my Jeep to get my other umbrella. In the process I locked my keys inside my Jeep.
I'm a GENIUS...

Me and Helena decided to go ahead and leave at that moment and go to my house to get my spare. So we left the camp site and drove an hour and half to my house. It actually took two hours since we were leaving that storm. We got to my house were we had to wait for my mom to come back from the pharmacy with my aunt. My cousin informed me that she had spent the night in the hospital the night before. I got my spare and left. We barely got on the free way when Selena called me. She was stressed, I could tell. She didn't know what to do. Half of the people wanted to go home and another half wanted to stay. Some of the girls no longer had changes of clothes and their sleeping bags and blankets were wet. I said I had to think about it and that' I'd call her right back. She kept trying to suggest to just go home. I kept telling her I'd call right back.
On one hand these kids could get sick. On another it was still raining and packing up and driving in that wind wasn't safe.
She called back telling me to hurry up because there was drama. Later I'd find out that they had all gone to the boys tents and the couple started making out so they split them up again within the boys tents. One of the boy's stuff got messed with and wet because of the girls that were staying in his tent. He became upset.
I told her I'd call her right right back.
I made a decision.
I called her back and asked to speak to Joseph, he said he didn't care either way (his answer to EVERYTHING) and that it had stopped raining. That was perfect for my decision then. I told them to tell the kids to pack up.
A few minutes later Selena calls me telling me that the west side kids had told them that they weren't going to do anything until I arrived back. (WHAT THE HELL?! Am I the law or their parents?! NO!) So, I asked to speak to the kids. Told them that that was just too bad and since they had to do it at one point or another, that they may as well start NOW.
It was heck leaving. Selena and her family finished with their stuff and didn't help anyone else, NO ONE cleaned up their trash, Joseph was taking his sweet ass time, and I had to be going around telling people what to do. In the end I had to get EVERYONE and as a group go picking up stuff. I told that since they couldn't behave like responsible human beings for their own stuff or for their friends stuff, that we would do it all together like 5 year olds again. They must have been thirsting for discipline or order, because no one complained or anything. They did as they were told and efficiently. We all left. More jammed in then before because we had SOMEHOW lost the tarps we had used. We arrived at the church and a few kids wanted to spend the night there. Selena and Joseph didn't. So they took the rest of the kids home. Me and Helena stayed with the other kids at the church.

And in the end we had tons of excess food that had been bought with the extremely small amount of money we had in the youth budget at the church.

All of it gone to waste.

This is how I roll. Now we leave tonight to New Orleans.
I've been on edge. Helena never makes it better.
Her stupid blind optimism drives me insane.
Her near bipolar mood swings also don't help.

So yeay.
Go spring break.

The only hope I have is seeing Moe in her play.

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I'm going camping. Tomorrow.
With my youth.

Helena's coming, too.
You know. The whale.
lol...(what?! That's what her avvie is!)

I'll be back Wednesday. It's going to be fun/crazy. 20 kiddos with hormones.
It's moments like these I wish I had tranquilizer guns...

After that on Thursday, Helena and I are boltin' out of here and headin' to New Awlins (New Orleans, to the lame). I'm going to see my best friend's last performance at her university. Helena forced her way upon this trip for the sake of the city itself.

We'll be back Saturday evening sometime.
Hopefully we won't be mugged or shaht (shot) while we're there. We're doing this as cheap as possible, which means a nice and shady motel the second night, while the first one is spent sleeping in shifts as we drive to the city itself.
Do we travel in style or WHAT?

Oh. I guess this'll also explain why Helena won't be posting any time soon either.
She feels horrible for doing this while her pop's in the hospital, but she can't really back out now. So I guess give her encouragement and all that crap.

So yeah. There.

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According to some friends as of late, I remind them of Wolverine.
If that's so, all I have to say is,




This week's been rough.

But then again, food poisoning is never the best way to start a week.
I always knew that there was a reason for my distrust of Jack in the Box...

My mom's silly. I love her. She's the most caring, loving, and sweet person around, but sometimes she says things that are pretty ridiculous. Like blaming a friend of mine for any bad luck I have with my vehicle. She hates it when I drive anywhere near her. So what if it just happened to be that she was there with me during a few of my car accidents? It's not like she leaned across her seat and grabbed my wheel or anything.
Point is, at 3 a.m. Monday morning as I was throwing up into the restroom sink after having already vomited the first half out in the backyard, my mom comes up to the door and asks "What's going on?!" Between vomits I uttered, "I'm throwing up." I heard her go back to bed. After a couple more gushes of inside yumminess, I stare at the sink, turn on the faucet. That didn't help. I pull up my pants (I was on the toilet when I realized I had to vomit at that EXACT second. Sorry had to be shared to understand the rest of this.) and go to my old room's closet and pull out a wire coat hanger. I try it on the sink. That doesn't work either. I go to my mom's room, "Ma, do we have anything to unclog pipes?" My mom stirs from her dark room, "Why?" she muttered. "Because I think I clogged the sink." After a pause, "Well, why didn't you vomit into the toilet?!"
My mom's funny. She reminds me of me sometimes.
I didn't get to sleep until 5:30 or so. I had been up since 2.

So, I missed my Stage Craft class on Monday. I was upset. I wanted to go.

Work isn't going too fun, either. As the ONLY tutor. It's a lot of work.
That's an understatement.
It started out allright, I guess. Then Wednesday came. You see, as a tutor, I have to log everyone's times down (when they come in and when they go out), along with what they worked on and whether they understand it and so forth. Of course, I also have to help out whatever student's need help with. Individually. Wednesday I had thirteen students come in. I had to make sure I had everyone's times correct and help out Victor with his Algebra 2, Savanna with her essay, show a couple other students find college information, find something for some of the students that had no work to do something to work on, and so on. All simultaneously.
Victor was the toughest to work with. I have a hard time with Algebra 2 and up. I wasn't hired to help with this kind of homework. But the other tutor's quit. So I have no choice. And Victor is a big ol' football player that has Algebra two with his football buddies, so he never pays attention in class. Hence, I have to basically TEACH him what they learned that day. This would be fine and dandy, if he appreciated it. Or at least pretended he cared about his own work.
Thursday was the first day for me to be pissed. He came in and told me to hurry up and help him. Told me. I let it slide. He then told me to get a calculator since I was closer to the cabinet. Told me. Again. I asked him, "You mean, will I get you a calculator, not GIVE me a calculator, right?" I looked at him, hoping that he wasn't foolish. "No." He responded and kept talking to some of the other students that weren't logged in or working on anything. "I'll take that as a YES." I responded loud enough for the whole class to hear. I'll let that one slide. Again. He doesn't know me. Not to mention my boss who comes in only on Thursdays was in the room and other students were around. I'm not one for public shaming. The rest of the time was spent with me basically putting everything down to it's simplest form to where he basically had to just plug things into equations. I tried to make sure he was getting what I was trying to show him. He wasn't responsive and hardly listened. Halfway through I stopped caring. Stupid wants to stay stupid. That's fine by me. I want to see genius try to do this through college. No amount of football will get him through it. It's not like he even plays well. Everyone knows. I was pissed for the rest of the evening. I decided I would have a chat with him next time he needed my help.
Today (Friday), he came in. I asked him if he was staying or just stopping by. He said he wasn't staying. I ceased to listen to him from that point on. At one point or another I'm sure he realized I wasn't paying attention to him and began talking to Crisitna, my supervisor. Luckily no students had come in just yet which allowed me time to set stuff up. I then overheard Victor mention how he wants out of the program because it's not fun anymore and how it was better when Monica was here (the person who had Cristina's position, but left to go to a different location within the same program). Cristina responded to that remark with, "Didn't she just let y'all do WHATEVER?" He smiled and said, "Yeah, that's why she was cool. Not like you guys." Without even looking at him I threw in my two cents, "So, where is she now? Was she cool enough to just leave you guys?" He didn't respond. Cristina agreed with what I said and continued the conversation. She too has been getting fed up with the way she's treated. Victor left. Then Cristina left to go to her office and work on stuff. Then some other students arrived. Johnny and Jenaro. Along with them, Victor. Johnny had to work on some stuff and since Jenaro rode with Johnny, he came along. Jenaro and Victor were talking. That was none of my concern. I signed in Johnny and he got to work. Baron, another student, came in. I signed him and began to help him on his Algebra. Jenaro and Victor began to play with ringtones on someone's phone. It began to get distracting. "Hey guys, could you cut that out?"

"Shuttup, pussy." were the words uttered back. It was Victor.

I snapped out of my chair and stood where they were clearly visible to me.
A thousand things went through my head within that millisecond. I chose what was best.
"That's it, Victor. That's enough. That is the last time."
I looked into his eyes and saw shock and confusion.
He tried to play it off cool and funny as usual.
"What? You want to take it to the streets?" He managed to say back without hardly any strength behind those words. Everyone knew those words carried as much weight as a feather.
"I don't deal with your street games."
Silence.

Johnny looks up at me and says, "I didn't say nothin'. You know that right? You know I wouldn't disrespect you like that, right?"
I didn't even look at him. My eyes were still fixed on Victor.
"I know, Johnny. I know you wouldn't."
Johnny's a good kid. He just tends to hang out with the wrong crowd. I must admit it was quite odd seeing Jenaro being quiet, though.
I went back to helping Baron.
Later on Victor pissed off Cristina. He had thrown a cheezit at her.


Supposedly we're getting a couple other tutors this coming week. Both of them for math and science I believe.

I can only pray so.

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