just wanted to update because i haven't in awhile.

Everything is back to normal, I am no longer being psycho...which is always a good thing.

Seth and I are good again. I spent Friday and Saturday night with him. And it just made me realize that i still do have feelings for him and that he does make me happy. I also talked to him alittle bit about some of the things that were driving me crazy. He was gald I told him, becuase he didn't realize how much they bothered me. I am just glad that I figured everything and i am not so stressed.

Cheerleading tryouts were on saturday. I watched/helped out with tryouts from 7:45 am to 4:30pm...yea thats a long time to watch the same dance routine and cheer over and over and over again.

Tomorrow is my senior exit interview. I am kind of excited becasue I get to tell them what I thought of my four years in their high school. Trust me, I am so ready to let my opinions be known.

Um, I don't think I really have anything else to write about. And I really don't remember what else was in my last entry so I could further update on it. I need to go get ready for Cobblestones and such.

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yep it's friday night and i am home sitting on a computer...haha i know, so exciting. But i actually don't mind it. This week seems like it has been long and draining, it really wasn't but it feels like it. I think its just the mood i have been in...i have been just alright all week, ya know kinda blah, just living, that mood. Its not fun.

So this week we got progess reports. I have a 95 in AP stats, 101 in AP Chem and a 97 in English. Yea I know not bad. I am so stoked about the 101...i love chem, i have missed it so. GPAs have also come out. Keaton passed 3 of us, and he is now third, kinda disappoints me a bit, if my Stats grade wasn't so low, he wouldn't have passed me. Anyway, that leaves me 4th or 5th, depending on whether i passed Becky. I hope so because I want to go up, not down.

To go along with the blah mood, I thought about taking a break from my boyfriend. And I am not sure why. I just all of a sudden wasn't happy, and he was annoying me this weekend. It's weird like i would think about purposely avoiding him, and then my next thought would be, thats not normal, why are u thinking such things...it was just way weird. Anyway I thought about it all and I couldn't just not see him anymore. He has become such a normal part of my life and I don't what I would do if I didn't have him around. So, after coming to that conclusion, and having a really fun night with kelly (lifted me out of my blah mood) I have stopped having those crazy thoughts. I am still indifferent to him (which is still bad) but thats slowly starting to go away. Again I am not sure why i am feeling like this, i just hope it goes away soon, becuase I really do love him.

In other news, Lent has started and I have given up Chocolate (maybe this could be the cause of all my problems. This has been my hardest Lent ever, and it hasn't even been a week yet. Its because I have chocolate daily. I always have chocolate milk at lunch and i ususally come home and have a few pieces of dove chocolate for comfort. Yea its gunna be a long 40 days.

So I didn't think I had that much to write, but it was kinda nice to get everything out there. Thats all for now I believe.

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yes, i have fallen in love...its time i admit it

that one phrase scares me soo much. I have been with Seth for two months, and as i am sure i have mentioned before he is THE sweetest guy i met. But, i am still afraid my heart is going to broken again. I guess its just that i am not used to happiness when it comes to relationships. However, I love him all the same. I am just hoping and praying that this lasts. I don't ever want it to end. Next year will be hard, with me in Lock Haven and he is still here in Troy, but I want it to work...sooo much.

yea so those are my recent thoughts

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i haven't really written about anything significant in awhile. I guess I have been busy.

yesterday was feb. 2 which means it has been a full year since my Aunt Karen was considered brain dead. I can't belive its been a year since all that happened. I remember it like it was yesterday. I came home from a wrestling match and i was told Derek and Karen were in a car accident. I remember asking if Derek was ok, and thats all i cared about, was derek and if we was alright. I remember the days going by and the rumors flying around about what happened and having to sit through school dealing with people who didn't care about my family, they just wanted the gossip...it was torture. I remember going up to the hospital on a friday and saying goodbye to Karen. We had already found out the night before that she wasn't coming back. I remember the look on Derek's face when he found out that his mother was gone. I knew then that he would never be the same. No one should have to go trought that. Its just not fair. I remember Kelly and how she helped me get through it all. She was there every step of the way. Holding me up when I wasn't sure if I could handle any more pain. I love her for that, I don't think i could ever explain how much that meant to me. I remember the funeral. And how they're wasn't a dry eye in the buidling. And I remember the party afterwards. Yea i know weird that we had a party, but Karen would have wanted it that way. The whole town donated food. Because the whole town felt the loss of Karen. Who know typing all of that would bring tears to my eyes. I guess we never truly forget pain. We just put it aside.

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