Alright, I really have to work on my micro crushes. I've decided that if I got over them, it would make it easier to handle the hard truth.

One hard truth {which isn't really that hard, but whatever} has already been confirmed ... and it hurts a little.

This sucks.

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How is it that the newest guy on my list of micro-crushes is someone I probably won't ever see again?

He's a really nice guy. He helped me with bowling. He's kinda cute {it could have been because it was dark; I'm not sure}

The question is now, how do I get ahold of him? And would he be cool hanging out on a one-on-one basis?

Urgh. This is very frustrating.

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Dilema of the week:

How do I ask this guy that I like {but don't want a relationship from} to go hang out without him thinking it's a date?

And how do I put it into words that won't make him say no ...

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I'm gonna post on this one because Sam can't access this account.

Sam is the name of the guy I like at work. I don't ever see him except maybe once or twice a week when our hours overlap. I got curious a few days ago and found his myspace. I worked up the courage to send him a message and we talked, through myspace messages, for about an hour last night.

Tonight I send him a message, lamely trying to flirt through words asking him how his day was. When he replies, I reply back answering how my day was and asking if he works tomorrow.

He's read the message and hasn't answered.

I know that this reaction is idiotic, but it happens every fucking time. I wish there was a way to control it. I'm always afraid that the guys I like find out that I like them and immediately get turned off by it.

At this point in time, what they don't realize is that I don't want a committed relationship. Hell, I don't even really want a relationship. I just want some friends. I happen to get along better with guys than I do girls so I usually focus more on them.

It's just really annoying the way I react whenever something like this happens. I freak out for {usually} no reason and the end result is never pretty. I've tried working on controling it, but it's not been very successful.

Ugh. Sometimes I wish I were in a serious relationship just so that it would be easier. I wouldn't have to worry about crushing on different guys, hoping and praying that at least one of them would like me in return and give me a chance. None of this frustration deciding whether the guy is worth pursuing farther or freaking out over whether or not I've made the right choice once the choice has been made.

Dating was so much easier in school. There was a variety and I didn't know any different. Sometimes being young and nieve pays off.

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I've gotten over Mario enough that it doesn't bother me to see him flirting around with someone else. It doesn't bother me if I don't see him either.

What is bothering me right now is his cologne. It's nowhere close to how much David's cologne affected me, but it's still driving me crazy. I need to get some sort of action and soon. Otherwise I'll end up going out of my mind.

I'd be okay fooling around with either Mario or Tristen. Ed I've gotten to know too well and it would just be weird. I could see Ed as being a best friend and not so much a boyfriend or boytoy.

But I already know that even if Mario is thinking about it, he won't act on it. I'm not supposed to know that he told my sister the reason he isn't going to do anything with me is because he feels he'll be disrespecting ma. It's a reason, but it's not something I wanted to hear.

Tristen wouldn't simply because I haven't given any indication to him that I've wanted anything from him. And he's going to be quitting so I won't see him anymore anyway. So much for that idea.

I really wish Stuart were here. Or I could get to Stuart somehow. But since that isn't going to be happening either, I'll just have to wait it out more. I knew it would be a challenge, but I thought it would be easier than it is.

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